Wedding gift

Newatthis, oh dear. Is you friend still your friend? Not sure I’d have forgiven this. I know we are all different but this was your friends child.

I certainly wouldn’t give as much if I wasn’t going

I’m sure 20-30 in a card would be very welcomed - different if you were going to the wedding

I'd consider it very vulgar to ask for money for a honeymoon. I really think that the only acceptable request for money would be if it's for a charity they are keen on.

I assume that the wedding is fairly soon therefore they will not be able to go abroad for a honeymoon given the travel restrictions. I would budget it against staying in the UK coupled with what you may have spent on a gift had you been able to go to the wedding. If they are planning to delay their honeymoon until more exotic destinations are available then I would buy them a gift and post it/have it delivered from the company of purchase.

Ginpin that brought a tear to my eye.

So you would prefer to give a couple an unwanted ornament of your choosing cabbie21? As to what people pay for their weddings, yes many spend a lot, but this is nobody's business but their own and if you, as a guest are happy to partake of the expensive catering as you sit at the expensive table with the expensive flowers and linen, then the least you can do is give a present which is wanted. Your comments about choosing a covid wedding are rather silly to be honest

We were invited to a family wedding a few years ago and the couple asked for money instead of a gift. The invite said unless we could give set amount of money there was no invite. We didn’t respond, it still sits very uncomfortably as we would have given money but not held to ransom in this way.

Times have changed, but manners don’t change.
£50 per person if not going and £100 if attending. Paying for food and reception is about £100 per person. Unless you are struggling financially.
Every one who knows about a wedding, neighbours etc ‘should’ give a gift. A token gift from neighbours and distant acquaintances.
How rude to be invited and not give a gift.
Those invited ‘should’ be mindful of the cost. Gone are the days when a £20 gift, if attending the wedding was acceptable. We are living in different times. We are not living in the 1970’s

No gift from me for those who ask for money for the honeymoon.
If a couple had wanted to, they could have taken advantage of Covid to get married very cheaply, with few guests, then spent the money saved on a nice holiday when it became possible and safe.
I hate all the expectations around weddings and gifts. The lavish costs would pay a year’s rent or more for some people.

£50 sounds good to me too.

When our youngest son’s BFF got married a few years ago they specifically said no presents. They hadn’t lived together but had separate homes and both had good jobs. They said that IF guests wanted to mark the occasion then to donate to one of the bride and grooms favourite charities. We thought this a lovely gesture and donated accordingly. No pressure to “ keep up” or spend out of your comfort zone.

Anyone remember multiples of toast wracks? I wish I’d kept one now as can’t find one in the charity shops. I’ve recently developed a craving for cold toast and it cools better upright…honestly

It astonishes me that people ask for money towards their honeymoon. If they want to go to a fancy destination they should make sure they can afford it and not rely on others to chip in.

I really dislike requests for money as a wedding gift. If you haven't already got a home together, then a wedding present list is fine, but if you already have a home and don't need anything for it, they why should you expect friends and family to pay for you to go away on an expensive holiday, possibly putting their mortgage payment or other essential payment at risk, because they're too proud not to gift what would be deemed a 'reasonable' sum. When we got married (second time around for both) we booked our wedding abroad, asked a couple of guests at the hotel to act as witnesses, and didn't ask for or expect any gifts from anyone, although all our friends and family were aware that we were going away to get married. All we wanted, was to make a commitment to each other and have a nice holiday at the same time. People just seem to be so grabby these days!

I don’t like to give cash but most of the weddings I’ve been to where they ask for Honeymoon money they have a website attached where they have selected certain excursions or activities that they wanted to do and I have been able to donate specifically to that. So half a sky dive for example. They then know who gave them this treat.
I would say in COVID times though an insurance policy is a good gift in case they can’t go

When my eldest daughter got married in Sept. 2006 to another uni graduate neither of them had jobs. So they decided to rent in a neighbouring county that was cheaper, but less than an hour away.
They had only a few items from uni days so had a traditional gift list. Did not ask for any money.
However, they received over £900 amongst their gifts and that paid for 2 months rent !
They both applied for jobs and landed them which were due to start in the October.
However, my daughter's job required her to be police checked and for that she needed identification.
Her passport had run out so, on the Monday, they had to drive to pick up the passport without delay ( fuel cost ) and also pay extra for the convenience of a quick passport. £108 total
Money they could ill afford.
They had been looking at churches in the area and one minister had invited them to coffee at a local cafe on the Wednesday.
Because they had 'just been looking' for the right church'they had not divulged any info about themselves at all before getting the passport or choosing a church.
However, in the cafe, the minister asked them about their week and they told him about the Monday, at which point he pulled out an envelope and said
"This must be for you then, it was posted through my door this morning with just the message written on it ' For someone needing this money this week' !
The envelpoe contained £110 in notes !!!

@calendergirl
We had the same situation. My niece married abroad with just close family there, we didn't even know about it. She (and my SIL) were offended that we didn't give her a present.

There are 2 schools of thought here.... ie there is any chance that the invites are widespread in the hope of getting more money towards their honeymoon (obviously that depends on whether the wedding is likely to be expensive per person, in which case this is unlikely) or whether it is a case of wanting certain people there. If the latter, I certainly would feel very rude to just send a card and no gift. Surely a small gift, even if not monetary, would be more polite

When I got married we had a wedding list and my mother was upset that some of the things on it were quite expensive. We explained that we thought some people would club together to buy the bigger things, which some of my family did in the end. Part of the problem was that my ex's family were mostly better off than mine and my mum had always been quite frugal. We did include lots of low priced items too and the dinner service we chose could be bought by individual items. Idon't think anyone else was offended.
My DS and DiL had a list with John Lewis but they hadn't lived together beforehand. Couples who live together first often want cash for the honeymoon - far more sensible than ending up with 3 toasters imho!

When my daughter got married last year just before lockdown, as the couple were already co habiting, nearly all guests gave money,mostly £20-30 . They were extremely grateful for all they received. It amounted to quite a considerable sum of money which was used to replace some old furniture

£50.00 seems reasonable unless it is your own child getting married.

I really don't see the problem with giving cash instead of a gift. I spend the same kind of amount that would be spent on a gift, so doesn't cost me more, and the couple get what they want, I would hate to put someone in the position of thanking me for a present they didn't like, and it is such a waste of money to buy someone a piece of crockery for example, and then have it either re-gifted or donated to a charity shop. On this basis, if it was a gift for someone that I didn't really know terribly well, I would probably send a cheque for £50 with a nice card thanking them for the invite.

inishowen
Call me behind the times /living in the past but no way would I have the cheek /nerve eye roll' to actually mention it was towards the honey moon when asking for cash.

Theoddbird

As you are not particularly close, don't see them very often and are not going to the wedding I would just send a card

so would I!

As you are not particularly close, don't see them very often and are not going to the wedding I would just send a card