Is it really a miscarriage?

I dare say a lot of what were very early misses used to be put down as late periods. I read somewhere that around one in six pregnancies ends naturally in a miscarriage, because something is wrong. A dd had one at only about 6 weeks, after a positive test, and another - a ‘missed’ miscarriage, i.e. she still had symptoms, but there was nothing on the scan, at 8 weeks. That one was particularly distressing, but she went on to have 3 trouble free pregnancies.

I don’t know about anybody else, but long before you could buy tests, I knew I was pregnant very early on both times, because of a weird tingling in my right breast - exactly the same each time.

I had three miscarriages around the 12 week mark. Not one of them could have been mistaken for a heavy period (and I’ve had some very bad periods) - in fact with one of them there was very little blood and of course there’s the foetus to pass. My first ended up with me being blue-lighted to hospital and being admitted for four nights as I was that poorly with it. None of the people I’ve known who have had miscarriages have ever described them as being like periods at all! Miscarriages are up to week 24, from there on they’re classed as still births.

kircubbin2000, if they are more common now, I dare say it’s because many women are having babies later. My dd was 38 when she had her first, and many of her friends have been the same.
OTOH back in the 70s I was down in my notes as an ‘elderly primigravida’ - at 28! Fair enough then I suppose - I was easily the oldest on the postnatal ward. One of the youngest mothers actually said, ‘I hope I look like you when I’m 28!’ - which made me feel about 90!

I suppose early pregnancy tests are useful for women to navigate their lives in either sense

It's a loss at whatever stage. How a woman feels about that is individual. We all have different situations, different perspectives on early pregnancy loss and different starting points in where we are emotionally at any point in life. That might affect how we react to an early pregnancy loss. I didn't wait until 12 weeks to tell people I was pregnant.

kircubbin2000

I don't remember this pressure of trying for a baby that all the young ones talk about now. I dont know anyone my age who tried, they just arrived naturally.

From what my parents said, they tried for a long time to have children. They married in 1944 and although they didn't want to start a family straight away, by the time I was finally conceived in 1954 they had been desperate and had had some treatments. I don't know the details as they didn't talk about it much to us and they admitted themselves they didn't really understand that sort of thing.

You're right, JackyB, that our parents generation didn't talk about such things openly. 'Women's problems' were only whispered about with very close women friends and family. My parents wanted more children than just me, but it never happened so they just accepted that was how it was. If my DM had miscarriages she never ever spoke of them. Our generation broke the mould and talked a bit more openly and questioned. Now periods and pregnancy problems are spoken of in general conversation. Everything is out in the open. No mourning quietly and politely behind closed doors.

Incredibly heartbreaking for all involved, thinking of a happy time then having it be either a late period, or an early/ late miscarriage. Have been with women and their partners through this heartbreak, touches you every time. Having experienced a miscarriage and loss of a child, no matter who you are, from whatever walk of life, the devastation is the same.

Way back in the 50s or early 60s an aunt who’d moved to Canada didn’t tell us she was expecting her 4th until it had arrived safely, because she’d had 2 miscarriages after no. 3. Also, my mother told me that a GM who’d had 6 children, one of whom died at 8 months, had also had more than one miss.

I believe there is more expectation nowadays (excuse the pun) to have a baby when you want to and if you have a problem conceiving or carrying to term, there is help out there.
When I saw the surgeon before my hysterectomy - I had 4 grown up DC and was nearly 60- he asked me if I had finished my family!
I laughingly reminded him of my age and he said, quite seriously, he also ran the fertility clinic so knew that women had to be certain before saying goodbye to their wombs.

When I had my children there were no over the counter pregnancy tests, by the time you had a result from the doctor's surgery you probably knew anyway.
In my early marriage my menstrual cycle was erratic so could have had early miscarriages but the one that stays with me was when I was 16+ weeks. I was taken to hospital, delivered the foetus and had a D&C, I went home and it wasn't mentioned again. Different times, I had a toddler to look after and didn't have time to dwell on what might have been.

I had to go to the doctor's to have pregnancy confirmed not before missing two periods. No over the counter pregnancy tests back then......

harrigran That happened with my sister. Taken to hospital had D&C to clear womb and home to carry on..... sad but that was what happened back then.

If you want children and cannot have them, the sadness and pain are the same whether we are just talking about getting your hopes up because your period was two weeks late and breaking down in tears when it started, or a miscarriage after the pregnancy had been confirmed.

Surely, any woman who misses her period thinks, "Am I pregnant?" either in joy or dread.

They did when I was young.

I thought that early miscarriages had some other name. Spontaneous abortion?

What I find rather strange is the thought (expressed by Carrie and by Meghan) that women trying to conceive after a miscarriage will be heartened by hearing about other women's success. I had an ectopic pregnancy, and remember I could have scratched the eyes out of any woman announcing a pregnancy before I became pregnant again myself.

Had never heard the term rainbow baby before.

I do think it was easier OP. We knew less, and so less to grieve over. I’ve had two miscarriages, both at 13 weeks, but could have had more, just never knew.

When I was nursing in the early eighties, it was thought then, that every woman lost her first baby, due to immaturity of the womb, but would have been far too early to test for.

Once you know, it doesn’t matter if it’s at conception, or months later. It’s a baby.

I have heard the term rainbow baby, it is an acknowledgement of the ones who didn't make it and rather nice I think. I miscarried my first at around 8-10 weeks and certainly would not have been heartened to hear about other pregnancies, on the contrary I seemed to be surrounded by pregnant women, women with small children, many of whom to my eyes seemed to be unfit Mothers. They weren't of course, it was my grief.

When I had my late miscarriage I too felt I was surrounded by babies and pregnant women. I remember coming out of the local supermarket and seeing a tiny baby in a pram left outside the shop the way they were in those days and for one second, just one second I had that urge which some poor ladies had and gave into, to take that baby. Fortunately babies are never left outside shops nowadays.

I also often wonder what happened to my baby. At over 27 weeks he would maybe have lived now, but he was taken away and I assume went the way of all foetus'. Now, I think he would have had a funeral perhaps? It was nearly 50 years ago and I was just kept in one night (in the maternity ward with the mothers) and sent home next day. Like all women before us we were just supposed to get over it and get on with life.