Nasty neighbour

Anok yes I did have a gardener for a while as I injured my shoulder. I may call him again, thank you for that good idea xx

I think rising to the bait will just make things worse. Ignore them when you can, but a cheery wave when they’re staring at you, or as you drive off will likely irritate the crap out of them because it sends a message that you’re not bothered by it. And if you’re not bothered, they’re not getting any fun out of it, so hopefully it will fizzle out. In the meantime I would do as others have suggested - put up fencing as high as possible if you can and screen with hedges at the front. I would also invest in CCTV cameras just for security. It sounds as though there’s a bit of a mental health issue somewhere along the line, so maybe try to de-escalate wherever you can.

What a couple of sickos. In any other context you would feel sorry for them but when it affects you like that it is no joke. I wouldn’t retaliate because that would feed their lunacy. I think a nice little Summer house blocking their view might be good or a small arbour covered with climbing plants ( fast growing ) directly facing away from them. Lattice at the top of the fence is cheap and you could grow climbers up it or a nice prickly rose.

There was a time I felt sympathetic. There are days where its more intense than others. It's alot of swings and roundabouts. We have planted tall hedgerows, and let our side of the front hedge grow tall. We tinted our windows so noone can see in but we can see out. We were looking at something on my daughters phone, a GIF I think it was, no sounds just animation and laughing at it. She called us childish b&$/!#ds because she thought we were laughing at her. It's like you can't do anything

Yes we installed cctv front and back as she got the hosepipe to out windows at the front one day.

Unfortunately you can not choose your neighbours. Try and feel a bit sorry for them. The saying 'it is easy to be happy when you are, but very hard to be when you are not'. They are not very happy for whatever reason. Just accept it and live your life and enjoy being friendly with your friendly chatty neighbours.

We endured horrendous neighbours for 25 years, it made me ill and a nervous wreck. Stamping up and down the stairs, playing loud music, rude comments, etc.

They were intimidating to our visitors so I never invited anyone round. She used to watch me like a hawk and I could feel her eyes on me all the time so I never went in the garden.

Eventually I returned to work part time, but worried all the time what was happening at home as there were occasions when they came into our garden to cut the hedge that did not need cutting. They also painted the fence that did not need painting.

You do not mention your DH. Does this affect him as much and how does he deal with it.

My DH did not see or hear so much as he was at work all day, but I do think he could have been more supportive and sympathetic. Looking back they were better when he was at home, probably to make me look as though I was exaggerating the problems.

I feel really sorry for you. A higher fence helped us slightly, but it did take over our lives. In the end we had to move.

Yes. I did ask what have we done to upset you This response to her is giving her ridiculous behaviour attention and a reaction which is what she wants

Ignore her completely, don't look at her even when shouting, staring etc. Headphones is a good idea. Hard to keep up but the best non reaction I think

Findingnemo15 this exactly is what we are experiencing. My DH used to work full time in an office and would not see any of it until the weekends. She would carry on, or even more so then. It's only since covid that he's forced to work from home that he has seen it ALL. He used to shake his head at it, far more patience than I. Now he's at home, he gets angry and frustrated and wants to move. I agree I do too, but I travel to and from my mother's house where I care for her. Again, this is something she knows as she has driven past and seen my car there. There are days where I can ignore, like you could, and you feel strong. But yesterday and today, just feels awful. My DH feels the same, and I think when you both feel it, it's magnified in your house. Our son has autism, again this is something she knows as she used to work as a lunchtime supervisor at a school. This is not a detterant either. I think we have to move, which is a shame. I don't want to be pushed out though, I wanted to go on our terms. I just wish I knew what it was that's annoying them, maybe we can fix it, and carry on with our lives.

I just wish I knew what it was that's annoying them, maybe we can fix it, and carry on with our lives

I suspect there is nothing annoying them. I suspect they just enjoy upsetting, "getting at" someone and seeing how it affects them!

Just a word of warning - I believe if you are thinking of selling, these days you have to reveal any disputed with your neighbours in writing - perhaps someone else can advise? Not a problem if you're renting. Is the couple next door renting? If so, you could talk to the landlord..

I was told if you have a dispute with a neighbour and the police get involved you have to reveal this to an agent when selling the property.
If I was misinformed I think someone will probably advise if this is not correct information.

Couple of fruit loops me thinks,

Boodie. My friends thought the reason for her behaviour was jealousy. The main thing was I could drive, she couldn't and before I stopped inviting them round she saw I had quite a few friends, she didn't.

Looking back she was a total nutcase. The last straw was when she got the neighbour the other side of us to turn against us. It was like living in a cage.

Yes we did ignore them, but as I said earlier we were driven out mainly for my sanity, so I suppose in the end she won.

Thank you so much for your replies - I'm overwhelmed with the responses. Yes, regarding the police you are obliged to disclose any of their involvement. I think maybe that's why we haven't called them if I'm honest. This has been going on for 10 years now, just tired of it. You would think after all this time it would stop, but, it was hard. There were a few times we would snap because we were pushed so hard to do so, or she would try to intimidate our children and I would not have that. When I logged off here yesterday, even tho she had a go at us for making a noise throwing empty cans and jars into the bin; she did exactly the same. Even with her grandchildren visiting.
Its nice to know that it's not my imagination, as when I say it out loud or type it out like this it sounds made up. I was telling another nan about it one day, at the children's school, and she thought I was pulling her leg.

It won’t be easy but now you have shared and been given some good advice slowly put the advice into action. Each time something occurs or crops up think of a way to distract you from their ridiculous behaviour. It will be a good idea to see how your new tactics go. Maybe get back to us and tell us how you are getting on.

Anyone out there suffering from vertigo? Told its benign, but it’s HORRIBLE!

BlissBloss

Anyone out there suffering from vertigo? Told its benign, but it’s HORRIBLE!

Presumably you've posted on the wrong thread but your GP needs to prescribe you stugeron (or may have advised you to buy some?) and they should be able to carry out the Epley manoeuvre and advise you how to do it at home?

vertigo s horrible

My sister had a neigbour who would comment on her washing as she was hanging it out ..the shape/ size of her underwear etc. When my father heard about it, he would pop round regularly and " lie in wait" for her to make a remark ...she never did. Bullies know when to keep their mouths shut, the same as they know how to choose their victims. Do you have any friends who are in the police force that could pop round for a cup of tea? Any big burly rugby player types? ...

Sometimes people have problems that you are unaware of like a serious personality disorder which makes relationdhips with others difficult and that can include excluding or too much bad behaviour with others. It is difficult but try to get them out of your head. It could be worse you could be related to her. My sisters and I have a difficult relationship like this with our mother and the fall out of damage is immense.

Such a familiar story. My heart goes out to you. We have a similar situation. We try to ignore it but it is a horrible brooding presence. I have moved house many times and have never encountered neighbours like these. They have cameras everywhere but swear they are not trained on us. How to prove it? The latest: by watering some new plantings in my garden, I might cause a flood such as they had in Skewen in February. . We live in Swansea so there are probably old coal working underneath. But watering my sweet peas and new rose (planted to block them out a little), I could be flooding the area. I was shouted at, arms waving followed by a door slam to shake the house. He leaves his lawn sprinkler on for 24 hours, sometimes. But that must be different. I could write a book. I refuse to be cowed, go in my front garden every day to deadhead and tidy. But I really understand what an unpleasant, horrid, depressing constant pressure it is. Try not to let it get you down. My love to you.

Sounds very odd and I suspect there may be an underlying issue with them esp the wife. Lots of good advice here to follow so won't add to it. However, it does seem you are having a huge emotional reaction to them not surprisingly. So perhaps learning to breath down the anxiety level may help you better deal with them. There are plenty of media teaching meditation and visualisation. It takes a bit of practice but can be really effective. In a similar situation I was in a family member laughed off bizarre behaviour. Watching them deal with it helped me and now I do the same. It sends chemicals around your body that makes you feel good. I'm not saying it's a laughing matter but it's worth a go.

I feel really sorry for you. This sort of thing wears you down. I have had neighbour issues, which is one of the reasons I don't keep them close so I can't fall out with them.

You've had some excellent advice here. I'd just smile and laugh at everything they do, like the joke they are. No one likes being laughed at, they'll back off.

Just smile sweetly and wave, if she comes close when you are gardening, just say hello and say we love your smiley face in the garden, be as nice as pie to her face, put up a trellis on top of the fence and curse her privately indoors, she will get bored and pick a new target.
Also keep a detailed diary of every incident, it’ll prove the harassment if needed

Sounds awful. I sympathise. We had awful neighbours over the road who stared at us when we were at the front. My younger daughter used to wave and smile enthusiastically and that sent them scuttling in. Perhaps get some of your lovely neighbours round for a drink and chat and laugh about them ( no names , of course). The father of one of my neighbours has tried to bully me in the past. I just don’t speak to him , even when he attempts to make small talk . Just don’t acknowledge their existence . Works for me.