Nasty neighbour

They are attention seeking fools. That want some kind of reaction from yourselves, maybe the neighbours they get on with have been there all their days and just put up with them, while laughing at their antic's. Sounds like some of my partner's relative's who see themselves as something above everyone else. Nutcases. Try and have as little to do with them as possible.

Smile, wave, have a laugh between yourselves. Do not make adjustments - there will be no end to it. 'Keep Calm and Carry On'. Sorry for you're having to put up with it though. There are some right nutters about.

Definitely sounds like there's something wrong with her- maybe others have noticed but don't like to comment on it- but yes if these are social housing etc get it reported, get neighbour from across to mention it too.Could be wherever they moved from they 'ruled the roost' but now they're just little fish in a big pond so to speak, and they don't like it! And yes good suggestion to get a gardener in to trim anything in front garden or wherever they can see you. the security is a good idea too, records everything.

We live with ‘difficult’ neighbours on one side. The only advice I can give (and this has worked for us) is to ignore them. I have trained my mind to ‘believe’ they don’t exist. Previously, I think we became hyper-sensitive to absolutely everything they said and did, perhaps believing that all their behaviour was aimed at us. Now, they ‘don’t exist’ so nothing to care about. I think they still probably do all the stuff that annoyed us for years - but now we just ignore. It’s really the best thing you can do for your own well-being - and that’s what’s important here. If they’re behaviour is odd, it’s their problem - don’t allow it to become yours.

This neighbour has taken against you for whatever reason you will probably never know. I would not waste ANY of your precious energy in trying to be polite or smile or in anyway engage with them as this just adds fuel to their warped way of thinking. I would practice deadpan face and completely ignore them. If you dont engage at all they will eventually give up. These people need a reaction so dont give them one. I also would not discuss them with any of your other neighbours. It's not pleasant to do at first especially if you are the friendly type but trust me, be patient, it works.

Ha lizzieDrip crossed posts

Dont start a war. Smother them with kindness. How are you? Beautiful day? Etc. Do not rise. They sound bored

We have a similar issue with the woman who has bought the flat below us. She's actually got mental health problems, she mentioned it in an email telling us for the umpteenth time how horrible we were. We're relieved to be at fault as individuals as we don't have to declare any problems with the actual flat, poor noise insulation etc, and won't have to declare a neighbour dispute if we decide to sell it (although we will say the neighbour personally dislikes us). I imagine she is aware that a formal dispute will affect the value of her flat if she decides to sell which is why she keeps her insults and complaints so personal. I have worked in mental health and in our case think she's definitely got a problem as she's quite disinhibited, but she also has enough grip to not go far enough for us to call the police. Underneath she's probably very unhappy and projecting her issues onto us (and some the other owners in the block) but knowing this doesn't make it any easier to live with and we are planning to move. It's very distressing to live with the constant unpredictability. For example hammering on her ceiling while we're in bed and sending an email to say it was her paying us back for something but not saying what it was that upset her! We work on being straightforward and smile and say hello in passing. Most of the people I've worked with in mental health are perfectly nice decent people but we actually think she's an unpleasant bully underneath. Sounds like you, OP, also have a 'school bully' type living nextdoor, she may well have psychiatric problems or even early dementia and her family are in denial. Personally, I'd consider moving house to get away from her but beware there's always a chance of another problem neighbour somewhere new. Don't see it as a competition you have to win but try and do what you think will be best for you and your future happiness. Good luck and big hugs!

I have every sympathy with you Boodie. We too have nasty neighbours. Although they’re detached as we are, and there’s plenty of room between both properties, they still keep trying to cause trouble. They’re both in their sixties. We’ve lived here for four years now, at one point it caused me to have a breakdown. I’m still struggling. We finally rang the police who were very sympathetic. They spoke with the neighbours and asked them to stop causing us problems, and not to speak or look at us. It’s helped so much.
Needless to say, we’re putting the house on the market as soon as we’ve finished the renovations. It’s so sad, because it’s beautiful here.
Maybe being older hasn’t helped me cope with it all.
Please try to ignore her. ?

May7, yes crossed posts - but sound advice. The deadpan approach really works. Don’t bother trying with them. As May7 says, they’re not worth your energy.

I wish you had given us some more background information.

Have you tried to get to know these neighbours? You didn't mention it if you have.

Why do you object to a smiley face carved into your neighbour's tree, even if it is facing you?

Frankly, if my neighbours grew their hedges taller and planted more hedges, I would feel they were the unfriendly ones, unless of course there is an explanation that you haven't shared with us.

It sounds to me as if you neighbour is in the early stages of dementia. If she is, I fully understand that you find it difficult to know what to do when she stares or moans about things, but unless you try talking to her or her husband, you will never know what is behind her behaviour.

I am sorry if I have misunderstood you, which may well be, as others seem to find your attitude understandable.

I would keep a diary with dates and times of every single incident. Also add how it makes you feel each time. The police could have a word with them which might be enough. Do you feel intimidated? Feel like you’re walking on egg shells? It’s verging on harassment. Take your diary to the police and ask what they think. It could get worse so nip this in the bud.

Of course, my ex-upstairs neighbour, a Buddhist nun, would probably tell you to shower her with gifts!

Your neighbours appear as my gran would have said three halfpence*short**of ashilling*
Difficult to ignore whats going on but no doubt waiting for your re action and unless they cause damage to your property ignore it.

They seem to me to be very strange people it also seems that they know how to wind you up because they can see they are upsetting you. Please carry on cutting your lawn when you want to and try not to let them upset you.

Commiserations. We had neighbours who left barking dogs in a cage all day whilst out at work. My poor husbands retirement was ruined as his main joy was gardening. The neighbour’s language was bad, but turned that round to us, who don’t swear! Now they have left, the peace is wonderful ?
I wouldn’t wave or smile, that is a reaction of a sort, pretend they don’t exist.

I really do feel for you. It’s easy for people who don’t suffer the problem to say be nice, ignore them etc but when something or someone effects your home life its different. Home is supposed to be where you are safe and can escape people like this. I think Chocolateyclaire’s suggestion of keeping contemporaneous notes is a very good one. You can begin to wonder is it you and this is a good way of explaining to people, especially if anything more serious should happen. I can only empathise. I dread my one difficult neighbour being in the garden or walking up the road. You say that her family doesn’t seem to have a problem with her behaviour. It may be that they know well but are grateful that she is diverting it against you and not them. Sadly, I think in your position I would consider moving. You say its been going on for over ten years. Really, you deserve to be able to relax in your own home. Very best of luck whatever you decide to do.

We had a lot of trouble with 2 of our neighbours quite a few years ago and I won’t go into it but the man was extremely intimidating and didn’t seem to be told (even by the police who we had no choice but to call as he stalked me!). Nowadays yes you do have to put it on a form if there is trouble like that but we’ve just recently moved again and it says on the form do you have any neighbour disputes. My advice is try to move first as opposed to calling the police etc. But I did manage a nice payback for said neighbours, I didn’t want them to know we were selling so I wrote and sent our house details to every council and housing trust I could find all over Sussex and thankfully managed to sell our house to one of them. Usually in April (might be different nowadays) but they get some funding to buy normal private homes in roads of private houses to rent out to tenants as there’s not enough social housing, I presume this is still the case so you could enquire? They send up their own surveyors etc so do get estate agents valuations first to make sure you’re happy with what they offer you if they want your house, but to us it was acceptable, more so because it was a very quick quiet (we weren’t allowed to tell anyone and that suited us) and chain free sale with no boards up. It took just 12 weeks and no agent was involved which saved us money. The day we moved and a removal van turned up I was so relieved and it sounds awful but I had a slight chuckle to myself knowing there would now be a ceiling price for both of they’re houses when they came to sell as there was now a ‘housing trust house’ in between both of they’re homes! Sorry if that sounds nasty but we had had years of harassment and didn’t deserve it! One neighbour was a very very narcissistic little man and the other one was an ignorant noisy woman with a dog she never taught to be quiet but left a cat flap open all day whilst she worked in London and night and said dog used to sit for hours and hours barking at the birds in her trees, it drove me insane!

Ignore or be pleasant - there may be mental health issues

There may be a mental health illness, maybe you should take some advice on how to treat them, that way, having a little knowledge may make you easier on yourself and not so scared.
A quick-growing plant( put in containers) is Bamboo, which would give some privacy from being overlooked and would not give rise to offense. Try any Mental Health programme in your area and explain your problem, giving them a hard time willl not let you sleep at night, If it turns out they are just horrid people l'd ignore them and make use of the headphones.

They sound bored or even jealous of you. If you are friendly with others in the street and they don't bother with her, I bet her nose is out of joint although it's no excuse to behave like a brat though, that tree thing sounds crazy.
I had a horrible lady with 2 kids at my last house and the best thing I did for my sanity was move. The noise was horrendous day and night, she couldn't control the kids, my poor dog couldn't even go out in the garden. So off I went and I love where I am now, neighbours are fantastic. It's a bit drastic though, a lot of money and stress, but my life is better for it.

I really feel for you. My neighbours at the moment are wonderful, I hope they never leave. In fact the whole street is like a family; we've especially supported each other through the last two years. But I wasn't so lucky five years ago and your post brought it all back. I got a cold sick feeling just reading it. It's horrible knowing someone you see every day wishes you ill. I used to dread going out knowing he was looking out of his window at me. But he moved on and hopefully so will your couple. Meanwhile try to ignore them!

I was wondering if she had the beginning symptoms of some kind of dementia as her behaviour is so weird.I do not wish to be disrespectful to sufferers of dementia but my friend’s relative started behaving in the most peculiar way five or six years ago, accusing people of drinking her alcohol secretly and making weird statements. She is now in a care home suffering dementia. Maybe this neighbour has a similar sort of condition? I do sympathise with you because my neighbours teenage daughter was an absolute nightmare to live next door to with her drug smoking and loud music in the house and her car. She has recently moved out now & I hope it is for good.

i would treat them as they treat you ,as a pair of kids . wave when you go out ...i wopuldnt react to any of it ... you could imagine them NAKED and laugh ...will make them wonder what you laughing at . if they ask .TELL THEM ...

This is called bullying and harassment. You can report it to the police. I wouldn't put up with it, they are weird