A few minutes of tv . I am now an arch-criminal

As a 67 year old grandmother, I too looked after my granddaughter for 3 days a week from 6 months to 3 years and it is tiring. I would be exhausted for the rest of the week, so quite understand the need for a little break.
Now I don't get to see her hardly at all, because I had the cheek to complain that I was excluded from her birthday celebrations.
Don't see why we have to pussyfoot around our kids where is the respect for us as parents.

My son says if you delegate you have to accept what is done.

The parents' wishes need to be respected' doesn't always cut it, if you are a 70 year old gran, rather than a paid employee.
With regard to 20 mins children's tv: hiw do people imagine many children have learned during this past year and a half! BBC children's TV specifically geared programmes to facilitate home schooling.
I can't agree that either all TV is bad for children, or that it is acceptable to treat family frankly doing a favour, as paid servants

Sarnia you deserve a medal for all that child care now you are in your seventies.
Reading some of these posts makes me relieved that my grandchildren are in their twenties and thirties now.

NanaK54, ? right on! (what planet are they living on?! )

MittensMum, HUGE respect to you for giving as much as you do.

Agree with everyone.. Tell them to jog on!

When we are looking after our GC my dd calls it ‘no rules’ time. My Dh had both GC for 2 days a week when our DD went back to work and she accepts that chocolate, milkshakes and tv are part of everyday life. We only had slip up when dgs was into Medieval history and loved watching a fighting programme and a swear came on just as Dd came home I had never heard a swear word in the programme before. Anyway he has a vast knowledge of weaponry in medieval times.
Both children have turned out great and are a pleasure to take out.
I do feel that AC can expect to much. If a child is sick a nursery would not look after them but grandparents do.

Until the pandemic I was doing 3 full days a week with 3 different households. I did school runs, playgroups etc. I didn’t realise how tired I was until it stopped! I’m now doing one day a week with a 4 year old who will soon start school. My husband is involved and I still find it tiring! Fortunately for me the AC don’t set too many rules apart from about what they’re allowed to eat. With tv I’ve always stuck to CBeebies which is very educational. I agree with those who have said that you shouldn’t put up with your AC’s attitude but admit that I shy away from confrontation so sympathise greatly with your predicament.

Three days a week is a lot - however much you love the tiny person you will need some respite.
I'm sure you were very careful about what he watched.
I would tell his parents that they need to be accepting of this but also that if they trust you to care for their child for almost half the week they also need to trust your judgement.
A bit of appropriate TV with a tiny tot especially if you are able to sit and share it with them can be just as good as any sort of play.

The problem with confronting our children/in law is that they could retaliate and make it awkward for you to see the DGC, which for us grandparents would be unbearable.

GrandtanteJE65, reading a book to a toddler constitutes ‘having a rest’ only in the sense that you are presumably sitting down.
In no way does it constitute a proper mental switch-off as well.

I don’t mind admitting that even with only one very little one, I could not have coped if it hadn’t been guaranteed that she’d have one good nap during the day.

Might add that I once did 5 consecutive days of childcare of a 19 month old, while the baby was in ICU with bronchiolitis - obviously dd needed to be with him.

At the end of it I came home feeling like a wet rag, promptly went down with a stinking cold, and right after that, shingles.

I still put all that down to my immune system being compromised by sheer knackeredness.

Three days a week of free childcare must be worth thousands to them ! It soon gets taken for granted doesn’t it ! Then they’ve the cheek to criticise a nice cosy little bit of TV . They need to stop and think a moment!

When our GC visit, either with or without their parents, being given treats or activities that they may not have at home is what makes the visit special for them. If our AC are present I sometimes ask if it's OK, they rarely refuse.

Quite frankly I don't think my AC would ever tell me off for doing it, they know I'd give back as good as I got! In our house it's very much a case of 'my house my rules', and if I want to give them sweets or cakes or let them climb trees or splash in puddles then I will.

After spending all day with a small child, twenty minutes of TV so that you can sit quietly and relax is not a crime, it's a necessity!

Remind his parents that child care is exhausting at your age, and a few minutes quiet time in front of the TV was pleasant for both of you, and any tantrum or bedtime problems are probably a response to their rigid rules at home. Point out that they're always free to find alternative child care and pay for the privilege, but while he's in your care you reserve the right to make the rules to suit your situation. I realise that might mean they place him with a childminder, but she too will have her own rules for children in her care.

Don't be bullied by your children!

They are ungrateful. You are providing free childcare and you need a break if you have the child 3 days a week. Your house, your rules.

Puglady

As a 67 year old grandmother, I too looked after my granddaughter for 3 days a week from 6 months to 3 years and it is tiring. I would be exhausted for the rest of the week, so quite understand the need for a little break.
Now I don't get to see her hardly at all, because I had the cheek to complain that I was excluded from her birthday celebrations.
Don't see why we have to pussyfoot around our kids where is the respect for us as parents.

Terrible that you were excluded. Agree with you regarding respect.

I think you are well within your rights to raise this, diplomatically, with the parents i.e that as much as you like doing it, you sometimes find all day child care tiring without some quiet sit down time, and that when you need a break in the day that a half an hour or so TV/dvd break may form part of the
arrangements, providing that you only permit child to watch suitable programmes for the child's age. You are not a nursery school after all. If the parents aren't happy about this perhaps you doing half day's child care might be better alternative, but be mindful that you might be 'punished' for not carrying their conditions of having the child. Your conditions are equally valid consideration.

I am aware that some parents desire to raise their child in a totally TV free world, but I think it unreasonable to impose this outside their own homes.

Well I say well done to all of you, I looked after my first GD sixteen years ago for just 1 year and it was really hard work. Children are so different these days and seem to need constant stimulation. I had 5 children and much as I love my GC I don't offer any more, I've done enough it's time for me now.
I used to put my sons in front of the fish tank to watch the fish and they've all grown up well

I would suggest to them that if they want a strict regime for their 3 year old then a private nursery would fit the bill. I suspect t though that free childminding whilst laying down the rules suits them better, so they need to lighten up a bi5 or jog on.

grandtanteJE65

Did you know in advance that television was banned?

If you did, I understand the reactions from the child's parents.

In their answers no-one seems to take into consideration that some small children can be very upset by something in a children's programme that no-one else has ever found upsetting.

I once knew a little girl of two who adored Barbar the Elephant, but could not bear the scene were little Celestine is given a new pink dress! Nothing scary about that to a grown-up, but the child could literally not watch it and would run out of the room, or ask us to spool on past it on a video.

Next time you need a rest which is after all only reasonable, read a book to him! But don't watch TV with him if it leads to this kind of fuss - he will sooner or later tell his parents that you let him watch it, and you neither could, should or will, I am sure, teach him to lie.

Totally shocked by this post. So preachy. So holier than thou.

Don’t you think OP already does sit and read a book to the toddler ?

Chewbacca

Repeat after me:

Your House; Your Rules. My House; My Rules. Don't agree with it? Find someone else to look after your child for free.

This!!

^Did you know in advance that television was banned?

If you did, I understand the reactions from the child's parents^

That would be appropriate if Mittensmum was an employee. However, she doesn’t mention being paid so she is doing this for love. A bit of appreciation wouldn’t go amiss.

We look after our GD fortnightly. My dd says she trusts us completely, as she turned out so well!

Well if they dont like it then they can pay for childcare but even nurseries and child minders have screen time!!

As long as its not all day every day, the odd programme with maybe you watching with him so you can talk about it later, sing the songs together etc seems absolutely fine!!

Did you know in advance that television was banned

But it's a fact well known by all parents that grandparents are supposed to break the rules sometimes!! Mostly the parents just pretend they don't know it is happening

Perfectly summed up by Chewbacca. Certainly applied when DH and I were looking after young grandchildren and it was never queried, because we were doing the most enormous favour, for love of family.

Your care, your rules!