Weddings where children are not invited

Sense of entitlement - yes, infants are entitled to be fed. Not every woman can pump. Or handle not nursing for a full day or so that early on. Ouch. By all means have your child free wedding but don't cry if you're disappointed I'm not coming.

It is the bride and groom's day, they are spending so much money on it, and so many have the unrealistic plans for it being 'perfect'. Numbers are limited by cost and venue. I can understand the reasoning, and it isn't usually about the children' behaviour. For a family of four, if you invite the children, then that is two of your friends that you can't invite, and if you are honest, which would you rather have at the wedding, friends that make you laugh and who will continue to be part of your lives, or someone's children who may well forget the day anyway? OOH, of course it can be a bit of a bother to organise the childcare so that just the two can go, but that isn't the bride and groom's problem, it's part and parcel of having children!

I love to see prettily dressed children running around at weddings, but only if the bride and groom genuinely want them there.

We had a "no children" wedding in the 70s.

A few years later, one of my closest friends (one of my 2 bridesmaids) had a "no children" wedding. I loved her so even though we had a baby (breastfeeding) we went to the church. My husband stayed outside with the little one.
After this, we both popped in to the pre-reception drinks (separately) to hug them and wish them a long and happy marriage. Then we drove 150 miles home.

I don't suppose I'd have done it if she was married abroad, but do not judge.
Their wedding, their choice.

It’s the couple’s choice. We looked after my GD last weekend so my DD and SIL could attend a wedding. I suspect they had a much better time on their own than they would have had with a 3yo in tow, to go by the photos!

My DD’s, when young, were attendants at a wedding. Dh and I had a pretty miserable time because of the behaviour of two other children at the event, it really spoilt it for us.

We had a no children wedding over 40 years ago
Our parents paid for the wedding and having a budget we were asked either invite cousins children some of which we didn’t even know or all our friends no contest

I agree it's the bride and groom's decision about whether or not to invite children. However, I do object if they get shirty when some parents then decline the invitation either because they don't want to leave their children for the time required, or indeed don't have anyone they can ask to care for their children. If distance and overnight stays are required it can be just too difficult.

I had no children 'policy' at my wedding. Lots of ruffled feathers at first but I gave them plenty of notice to make alternative arrangements. I think with warmth of those with children who later had the good grace to say it was the best wedding they had ever been to. It was simply a bit of fun and freedom for adults and I have no regrets. Furthermore, when I had children, I never took them to weddings even though they were included on the invitation. Freedom for them and us and a day of joy for childminding GP.

I got married in 1986 and apart from my four bridesmaids (2 11year olds - my sister and her friend, and two slightly older ones - my husband's nieces) we had no children there - if we had there would have been at half a dozen under 6 including a 6-week old. My day my decision - the parents were happy to come and leave the children with grandparents for a few hours. Of course back then weddings tended to be local, not like now when they can be miles away from home.

I have been invited to some 'no children' weddings, but none when our own were small. Those I have been to do have an exception for nursing infants, and I do think it unreasonable to exclude them. Otherwise indeed, up to whoever is paying.

The very loveliest wedding I went to was one of our own children. The couple had a lot of nieces / nephews / godchildren and when I counted up at an idle moment I realised that 25 of the 100 guests were children.
It was an outdoor wedding, with a 'formal' marquee, and a 'play marquee' which wasn't much used as the weather was good. There was an outdoor play area, with things like a giant Jenga, quoits, foam balls, and we all joined in.

Knowing that there was an easy 'out' made the parents relaxed in the more formal bit, and the children got a taste of how to behave in such a setting.

Well it's the bride and groom's decision which should be respected. But personally I was completely taken aback when I first came across this.

We had a no children invited wedding, the exception being our own as we had children and then decided we better get married.

Our AC weddings were large and they invited their siblings children but no others, everyone understood.

I think it’s the Bride & Grooms day to celebrate as they wish.

IMO it’s so often down to finances. Children beyond the babes-in-arms stage will need a seat at a table and a meal, and at most wedding venues this will whack up the cost considerably if there are more than a very few.

Everyone who wanted to was welcome to bring children to dd’s big wedding do, but that was only because we were lucky enough to have a lovely big venue in France, belonging to a generous relative, to use for free for a whole fortnight. So we only had to pay for marquee, an outside caterer, and drinks. Which obviously made a huge difference to overall costs.

Lots of dds’ friends had children of all ages from babies to teens, and many brought them. There was loads of outside space for them to run around in.

However if we’d been paying for a U.K. venue just for the day, numbers would have needed to be drastically reduced.

Once again, that sense of entitlement.
A wedding is organised and paid for mainly by the couple and immediately family and friends voice very strong opinions over the choice of guests. The rights of cousins , step-children, partners and now children to attend are all vigorously defended.
I favour a no children policy as weddings are now day and night affairs, very tedious for children, so many of whom have never been taught how to behave in a formal setting and whose parents seem to think everyone is a s charmed as they are by their children running riot.

I have 4 AC all of whom got married in the last few years. We were always happy for small babies to attend but not older children. My DH and I between us have 15 great nieces and nephews. We couldn’t have found places for all of them and couldn’t have afforded the cost of their food. Limits have to be applied somewhere.

We didn’t have children at our small register office wedding in the late 60’s. This was not my decision. The only children who could have come were my cousin’s two girls of about 6 and 8. However my gran, aunt and uncle, cousin and husband, parents of said girls, all took offence and none of them came. So no family at our wedding, apart from our parents, a few friends and bizarrely, my mums neighbours . We had no say in anything. It was a strange day now I think about it.

When my younger sister announced her wedding was child free I thought it was odd at the time. I am from a large family but only a couple of us had children. My sisters fiancé had just one sibling and no children and half of our family didn’t attend as they worked abroad.
Some people do not have children in a marriage my two older sisters didn’t that was their choice. But for me personally marriage was about sharing life and the hope of having children.
I attended the wedding and left my very young children with my friend. I wasn’t happy about leaving them but I didn’t want to upset my sister at the time.
I was invited to two more child free weddings. I sent gifts and cards but didn’t attend. I agree a wedding can be costly but in my opinion children are more important than money.

I'm like Chardy. Got married nearly 40 years ago and there were no children invited. 40 years on and we're still child free.

I guess there's a pattern developing

Chardy, children should not be allowed to run around and scream during a service. If they a restless they should be taken straight outside. If you know people who are that inconsiderate, I can understand why you might not want children there.

Forty plus years ago I didn't want children at my wedding service. Neither my parents nor his parents had grandchildren then, and I didn't want little kids who'd never been in a church before, running round screaming.

I remember my parents being invited to a wedding when we were children and they had to make arrangements for one set of grandparents to come and look after us for the day. I didn't really think anything of it at the time but I think I recall a certain amount of huffing and puffing as to having to arrange all of that.

I can understand both points of view. Reading some of the threads over on MN that pertain to weddings, given they can be very elaborate affairs these days, some women feel the whole rigmarole of factoring in childminding, particularly when an overnight stay is involved, preceded in some cases by ridiculous and costly expectations for hen dos, when those apply too, is way over the top. I'm not surprised when some opt out of all of it. Can't help thinking if the bride happens to be childless at the time of the marriage, she may have no concept of how difficult the logistics of getting children looked after or farmed out when the parents have to attend such events that involve overnight stays and time away from the family not to mention the workplace too.

Unfortunately the whole thing can be relationship ending. I've seen it happen and had one lost relationship myself as a result of not leaving a nursing infant. I feel I made the right decision though.

My own brother had a "no kids" policy, even though he had 2 children from his previous marriage!
He told his brother and myself that children weren't allowed in the registry office!
In the end, even our parents weren't present - something that upset both until their final days!
He announced to us on one of his rare visits that he was remarrying (we had known his new wife for many years as he had been his first wife's best friend), gave us the date , time and where and then took me aside to say that my son (who was a 6 year old) at the time would not be able to go, but would be welcome at the reception
My sister did the catering, so we the rest of us including children went to the venue, Mum and Dad dashed off to the registry office, only to be met by my brother, new wife and their friends on the way OUT of the ceremony that had actually happened 30 minutes before!
Safe to say, the tea after was not the most enjoyable I have attended with the bride giving my parents dagger looks all afternoon!

Not unusual if it’s a church service if the service is recorded a baby wailing would drown out the service, but to exclude from the Reception is less requested.
Recently at a reception a bouncy castle was arranged for the children and a table with a children’s host, not a lot extra cost on the scale of wedding spending these days.

Children are lovely at a wedding, just get organized, generally it’s the adults that cause disruption, even grannies that have had too much Sherry.

When my son married a couple of years ago, we hired a nanny to mind the children in a different room, with lots of activities and toys. The breastfeeding mum could pop in there to feed and the children joined everyone else for the meal (kids options were offered with the menus). It was a very successful compromise.

Yes, weddings are expensive but is the format or the people more important really? Oh well, to each their own, and to parents, their own decision about whether the logistics of attending a child free event works for them.