The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning

Well I’ve made a start on the paperwork side.updated will, done POA, started collecting important insurance etc documents plus lists of passwords. But I’ve come to a halt and am procrastinating… However my lovely oncologist says I could probably toddle along for a few more months so I’ll get back to it in the autumn….she says ?
I haven’t got cupboards full of stuff so that’s progressing nicely.

JaneJudge

I don't want to generalise but I think men are less emotionally attached to things. I have witnessed it in my own friends and family through death and how men just dispose of things without as much thought. I don't know whether it's just coping mechanism though. Whereas, I find it upsetting looking at old photographs and can only do it in short bursts

Not my dh and a BiL! They had to clear the house after their father died (a good 15 years after MiL) and there was masses of stuff they couldn’t bring themselves to chuck. A lot went into storage for several years - costing £££ per month ? - after which they found they didn’t mind chucking nearly all of it after all.

Just another tip. If you want to throw things out but feel nostalgic then take photos of everything before you throw them out. That way you have a record of them forever.

I love the story of Hip and Hop Witzend - wonderful names.

MrA is a real hoarder - we've been decluttering for a couple of years now and it's a real battle to get him to get rid of anything. We started off well, but I've noticed it has been some time since we got rid of any of his stuff. Not only that but the things we have got rid of he is fast replacing. Driving me mad.

Witzend

JaneJudge

I don't want to generalise but I think men are less emotionally attached to things. I have witnessed it in my own friends and family through death and how men just dispose of things without as much thought. I don't know whether it's just coping mechanism though. Whereas, I find it upsetting looking at old photographs and can only do it in short bursts

Not my dh and a BiL! They had to clear the house after their father died (a good 15 years after MiL) and there was masses of stuff they couldn’t bring themselves to chuck. A lot went into storage for several years - costing £££ per month ? - after which they found they didn’t mind chucking nearly all of it after all.

In my case it was my brother who struggled to pack up mums house ready for rental. We spent hours looking at each item ( of tat in my opinion!) and deciding to bin it, send to charity shop or keep. The pile of things to keep just kept on growing!

At the end, we hired a skip to get rid of some furniture and household things and in one day just filled it. But my brother ( and brother in law) were very upset at seeing books and old OS maps going in it. They kept on sneaking some out as we were adding more. I had visions of them running after the skip to remove even more things!

It was during Covid lockdowns so charity shops were closed and restrictions limited how many people could be in the house so we just had to hurry and empty the house so renovations could be done. Nightmare!

We filled the skip on Saturday and it was booked for collection on the Monday. Through the doorbell camera we watched people climb all over the skip on the Sunday taking things so some recycling did take place! One guy filled his boot with the crockery and kitchen ware, either a car booster or a landlord with an empty flat!

Lucca

Spurred on by this thread I have spent a couple of hours doubled up in the loft. Ended up reading wartime letters and old cards and all I have to throw away is a few odd bits of old cardboard and now everything else is spread all over the place and my back hurts. I do have a few bits fir my dd who I know will give me 'that' look!
Really must try harder. Next time.

silverlining48 I'm afraid going through old paperwork and photos is very time-consuming as you do have to read everything, and sometimes get caught up in the world of the past which takes you on a long journey!

I tidy as I go, now.

Years ago, when still quite young, I disposed of old love letters. private letters from friends and family quite regularly, as I didn't care for the thought of other people reading what was after all a private correspondance between me and a good friend.

My parents left behind them apart from the things they had actually used or that had a sentimental value for them, a vast quantity of things that they either had completely forgotten they had, or had not been able to find for years, as they never tidied up, or things they knew were there (in the attic) but that they "hadn't got round to attending to". They had even moved house with all this junk, paying far more for the removal than they would have needed to, if they had gone through stuff beforehand.

My maternal aunt, on the other hand, had disposed of all her old love letters etc. clearly labelled family letters and photos she felt my sister and I should have the chance to see and just as clearly stated that we were under no obligation to keep these things.

Reaching the age where she no longer could mount five flights of steep stairs to the attics above the flat she lived in, she asked my niece and her husband to clear that attic for her, which they did.

You can all guess, can't you, whose estate was easiest to deal with?

So I regularly ask myself if there is any point in keeping this, irrespective of what this is, but based on whether I need, want or even actually see it any more. If the answer to any of these questions is no, the thing is disposed of.

I agree Monica, the thing can be carried too far. I still want "my" things around me and not to live in a home that feels like a waiting-room!

Having read this thread, I’m going to make sorting out my stuff a job for the cold days and dark nights. We had a proper loft ladder fitted 7 years ago and I’ve only been up there a handful of times.