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Driving

(45 Posts)
NanKate Tue 14-Sept-21 08:32:12

DH did a Zoom yesterday on the subject of older drivers and the pitfalls of ageing combined with driving.

He said that many women, and I am one of them, tend to let their husbands drive. I do drive locally but am aware I leave the majority to him. Today at DH’s request I am driving us to visit a friend in hospital and am already thinking of the tricky bits of the journey.

Do any of you recognise this reluctance to drive as you used to ?

Septimia Tue 14-Sept-21 08:37:53

It's certainly true of us. DH generally does the driving. I used to regularly drive to collect a friend for a meeting, but she has since died.

I must make the effort to drive more frequently.

BigBertha1 Tue 14-Sept-21 08:41:39

I have been driving more lately indeed i drove from Knutsford to just past Bristol M6 M5 to get here on holiday DH did the rest but I am driving here to. I don't drive as much as I used to having given up my car.

threexnanny Tue 14-Sept-21 08:57:15

I hardly drove at all during the lockdowns and still haven't gone beyond the local area. OH does the longer drives but I don't want to stop completely in case he isn't able to for some reason.

timetogo2016 Tue 14-Sept-21 09:08:00

I do all of the driving and i love it.
Drove 620 miles just a fortnight ago,mostly on the motorways to our caravan.

MayBeMaw Tue 14-Sept-21 09:12:47

DH gave up driving when he developed dizzy spells after major heart surgery. For two years or so he was just the worst passenger and not even a lot of use at navigating as he tended to say things like “You should have turned left back there” . One day I pulled over into a lay-by and gave him the option of letting go of the Jesus handle and stopping the sharp intakes of breath, or walking home. I was/am not the worlds best driver but I was not that bad. It has meant of course, that since he died I have been able to get about fine by myself although I find if a D or SIL offers- I accept.

Teacheranne Tue 14-Sept-21 09:14:00

Possibly one of the advantages of being divorced over 20 years ago is that I am the only person to drive!

JackyB Tue 14-Sept-21 09:57:08

DH does do most of the driving but mainly because (a) I tend to fall asleep in a moving car and (b) he can't work Google maps so I navigate and (c) he is a terrible passenger (read: "back seat driver")

I'm fine on my own and at a push I will do the first hour or so of longer journeys when we go away together.

faringdon59 Tue 14-Sept-21 10:03:30

This is a most interesting post.
When I was married I definitely came across this situation. My ex was a HGV driver and if say we were going to Cornwall on holiday I would ask if I could drive in order to get some motorway experience.
He would say you can do the return journey, but it never happened!
I think it is all part of the way in which couples fit together.
Now as a woman who has been divorced 10 years I have to drive, but certainly things change again with age.
And I certainly think more should be done to encourage people to have their driving assessed as they age.

Luckygirl Tue 14-Sept-21 10:04:38

I have done all he driving for years as OH had PD.

I have never enjoyed driving and hate motorways with a passion - they are simply not human scale and bring out the worst in people - aggression, speeding, no courtesy.

I am very aware that at 73 my reactions are not as fast as they were, so make judgements about where and when to drive based on this knowledge. Lots of tiny narrow lanes round here so I am used to that, but cannot claim that my ability to reverse in the face of oncoming king-of=the-road tractors is the best. So I choose my routes with care, especially during the harvest season.

Night driving is a problem - I have cataracts, but the powers-that-be tell me I am fine to drive at night. However, I try to only drive known routes in the dark.

Living pretty much in the middle of nowhere means that driving is a necessity for me; but I hope I am making wise decisions about how and where I drive.

tanith Tue 14-Sept-21 10:10:24

Ive always liked driving and 20+ years did so for a living when DH was alive it would depend on who's car we were now of course there's only me. I still enjoy it.

Georgesgran Tue 14-Sept-21 10:17:45

Love driving. As DH took on a job that meant he was away a lot, it fell to me to do most tasks including a 45mile round trip school run twice a day. I’ve driven since I was 25, I’m 70 now and feel just as happy to drive now as then.

nadateturbe Tue 14-Sept-21 10:20:44

I do most of the driving as I'm a bad passenger. I have to remember to let my husband do it sometimes.

Westcoaster Tue 14-Sept-21 10:21:26

I was a very late learner, so when I passed my test DH was full of "useful tips" when I was driving. Without realising it he completely demoralised me and I refused to drive anywhere if he was in the car! Hated his car with a passion anyway.

Last summer I got my own wee car and buzzed around in that quite happily, and what a godsend it was when he was in hospital at the beginning of this year.
Driving long distances into unfamiliar places has made me a much more confident driver although I don't think I will ever call myself a good driver.

Alone now, I'm so glad I learned to drive even late in life!

Aveline Tue 14-Sept-21 10:28:17

I'm much less confident driving than I used to be. I'm happy to let DH do most of the driving because a) he loves it. b) he's very good at it. c) he's so critical of my driving and he sort of growls the whole time I'm at the wheel. He doesn't know he's doing it either!

rosie1959 Tue 14-Sept-21 10:35:36

My husband does the driving he is a terrible passenger and can feel quesy if not driving
Funny how he is totally fine with me driving on the pub collection runs or driving home after a night out

love0c Tue 14-Sept-21 11:04:34

I must drive more! An elderly aunt aged 99 told me just before she died that I had to drive more. She said 'use it or lose it'! bless her smile

Chewbacca Tue 14-Sept-21 11:13:40

I love driving and have driven the length and breadth of the country and abroad. 3 of my closest friends are nervous drivers and only get behind the wheel if they're going somewhere very local and they're familiar with the area. Having just been away with one of those friends, who insisted that she was fine with driving 200 miles because she knew the roads, I was a nervous wreck!

grannyrebel7 Tue 14-Sept-21 11:24:46

I'm guilty of letting DH do all the driving. I never drive if he is in the car as he can't keep his mouth shut and is always telling me to slow down or change gear or pointing out something approaching. It really puts me off and makes me nervous. I'm absolutely fine on my own though. I really should do a long distance trip on my own though.

glammanana Tue 14-Sept-21 11:27:58

I used to drive 50/60 miles a day with my job before I retired then OH took over when we went out he was the worst passenger ever,now he is no longer with us I drive everywhere in fact this past week I just bought a new car all my own choice with no male involvement of model & colour

Antonia Tue 14-Sept-21 11:32:14

I hate driving. We only bought a car during lockdown due to the lack of public transport. Before then we were happy with buses, trains and taxis.
I'm glad we have one now as we can go to places not accessible by public transport, but DH always drives. I have lost confidence, even though I used to be happy driving in France. But we lived in a rural hamlet with little traffic and now we're in a town which is congested nearly all day.
I'll have to get my confidence back but I don't know when that will be.

Boz Tue 14-Sept-21 11:35:09

I too have an impatient husband; always telling me off about routes I take etc, etc... So I let him drive.
One year we had Saga's chauffeur service to the Airport and a lady driver turned up. You should have seen his face! All the way to Heathrow he sulked in the back, not able to say a word. She was excellent btw.

LauraNorder Tue 14-Sept-21 11:37:46

Orlin almost always drives if we go out together. During covid this has been most of the time so I must put my foot down, not on the accelerator of course.
Thanks for this thread, it needs flagging up.

Charleygirl5 Tue 14-Sept-21 11:39:25

I no longer drive on motorways or in the dark and I only drive locally. Men see a lady with grey hair and think it absolutely fine to undertake or hoot while driving past me at 60mph in a 30 mile area. I doubt if they reach their destination any quicker.

NotAGran55 Tue 14-Sept-21 11:47:27

I absolutely love driving and always have since passing my test at 17 in my own car . The prospect of not being being able to drive for any reason fills me with horror . Living in a rural location with very limited public transport would be a prison sentence to me without a car.
I love being in the car, the physical driving experience and the freedom .

My husband and I have always shared the driving, and when he is the passenger he is the DJ selecting music ? for me which is another one of my passions.