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'That' type of husband.

(103 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Wed 15-Sep-21 21:43:05

Missing a couple of friends at a get together today someone described them as having THAT sort of husband. This was accompanied by nods and eye rolls from some. I asked what they meant but they just laughed. I think they meant the type who control partners activities and like to keep them close and to know what they are doing and expect them home to look after the house.
I think it's better to have a life of your own and not expect to share everything.

Kate1949 Fri 17-Sep-21 10:41:01

I have a friend who is always saying 'my husband won't let me'.

sandye Fri 17-Sep-21 10:41:38

My husband once said to me 'you should ask me if it OK to go out' ha ha Nice try! I,m me, a person in my own right. He never tried it again

red1 Fri 17-Sep-21 10:46:27

no one can can get all they need from one person, especially in a relationship.When people do. then it is unhealthy and often there is a controlling 'someone .'

Redhead56 Fri 17-Sep-21 10:54:01

My ex husband was controlling beside other things. I remarried twenty five years ago without blinkers so it worked out well.

Kartush Fri 17-Sep-21 10:55:38

red1

no one can can get all they need from one person, especially in a relationship.When people do. then it is unhealthy and often there is a controlling 'someone .'

How is unhealthy for two people to enjoy doing everything together? My husband and I do almost everything together, shop, holiday, concerts etc we like each others company. No one controls anyone.

Withnail Fri 17-Sep-21 10:56:02

She might like a sympathetic friend.
There are many symptoms & signs of Gaslighting.
If you think your friend might be experiencing this, kindly words, empathy & support rather than passing negative judgement from afar, 'eye rolling, might be helpful for her.

Audi10 Fri 17-Sep-21 11:05:15

I know what you mean to an extent red1 as you say no one can get all they need from one person in a relationship, I am happily married and have been for many years, my husband means the world to me he’s also my best friend and my rock, we spend most of our time together when he’s not working, but I do go out with friends and yes we have separate hobbies, he’s certainly not a controller though,

Greatwhyte Fri 17-Sep-21 11:06:19

Does any women like to be dominated

barbiann57 Fri 17-Sep-21 11:08:09

I and three friends meet up once a month. My husband never likes me going. He says he is afraid something might happen to me and that I will not come home. I never enjoy myself as I always feel so guilty. It's stupid I know. My friends never have this problem. I think if you have some time away from each other you have more to talk about which makes life more interesting.

DiscoGran Fri 17-Sep-21 11:14:46

I had a very controlling mother and left home as soon as I could get a job and have my independence. Certainly haven't allowed anyone else to treat me like that.

Secondwind Fri 17-Sep-21 11:16:34

‘That’ type of husband.
I have a friend who married very late, never having had any meaningful relationship. I’m alarmed to say that she has turned into some kind of Stepford wife, going along with everything he deigns to arrange. She won’t even engage in a telephone conversation if he is there! I think it’s odd that she so easily relinquished control over her own life. For me, he epitomises ‘that’ kind of kusband.

Bossyrossy Fri 17-Sep-21 11:16:34

I had a work colleague whose husband often arrived to take her out for lunch. At the time I thought, how nice of him. Turned out he was very controlling and it was his way of keeping an eye on her. They divorced eventually.

Missingmoominmama Fri 17-Sep-21 11:29:32

Perhaps they just didn’t fancy it. I’d actively avoid the type of gathering that included eye rollers and people who made assumptions about me not knowing my own mind…

grandtanteJE65 Fri 17-Sep-21 11:38:43

What I find most annoying about this is the fact that the ladies who talked about "that kind of husband" refused to explain what they meant.

No doubt it was obvious to them, and both OP and the rest of us basically understand it as being men who control their wives.

However, it is rather rude to use an "inside" expression and then refuse to explain what you meant by it.

Yes, hubands and wives should be able to have independant interests as far as possible.

I imagine few men would drop in to what is principally seen as a women's group, and really the same applies the other way round. Even if women in principle are welcome, many would hesitate to drop in on something seen as a men's group.

HillyN Fri 17-Sep-21 11:44:39

I wouldn't describe my husband as controlling (I wouldn't let him anyway) but he does like to know where I am all the time which can be annoying. However he does always tell me where he is going, even if it's just upstairs or to the garage! I often don't bother to listen, which can be embarrassing when the phone rings for him and I don't know whether he is around or not! I just put it down to one of his foibles.

Ellet Fri 17-Sep-21 11:44:42

My sister has a very controlling husband. He even booked to have his hair cut at the same time and place as she did. Is nothing sacred? He doesn’t get going very early nowadays so she books her appointments before 10 a.m. and goes off on her own. He controls all the money and ‘gives’ her housekeeping every month. I thought that went out many years ago.

SunshineSally Fri 17-Sep-21 12:07:32

For those that have controlling OHs I feel for you. Nobody should dictate how you spend your time. Time together and time apart is both important and healthy. Though I do recognise that there are some that prefer to do everything as a couple and that’s fine too as long as both are happy to do so. You get one life so make the most of it smile x

pinkpeony Fri 17-Sep-21 12:12:32

"Bossyrossy" I wonder if I was that colleague! Everyone thought he was charming.

noni123 Fri 17-Sep-21 12:16:56

Doing everything together is all well & good but not to the exclusion of all else. It is likely that eventually one will leave this world before the other & it is therefore really important to have seperate interests & support networks

TrulyFubar Fri 17-Sep-21 12:34:09

That type of husband is an abuser. Abuse doesn’t have to be physical and coercive control is at last recognised as abuse and is a crime. I would highly recommend telling partners of that ‘type’ to Google The Freedom Programme.

Diane7 Fri 17-Sep-21 12:39:29

I had a controlling husband who made my life difficult if I went out with friends without him, so I didn't. I left him 8 years ago and it took a lot to do that but I am sooo happy now. I have joined a Meetup group, not for dating I'm not interested. But it's lovely to come home without the sensation of 'a brick in my stomach' wondering what mood he is going to be in. I never told my friends how bad he was but after I left him, close friends said that they knew. I really felt sorry for ladies/men during covid trapped inside during lockdown with abusive partners. I'm not saying controlling husband's are physically abusive but mental abuse is hard to recover from ?

Jackiest Fri 17-Sep-21 12:48:51

My husband no way controls what I do. We are both free to do whatever we like and I may join him or he may join me if we want to, but we are both very much against discrimination of any sort and neither of us would consider joining or going to something that would bar the other. It is more of a limitation for me than it is for him as there are far more women only groups than there are men only but it is a principal that I fully agree with.

kircubbin2000 Fri 17-Sep-21 13:00:28

Jackiest

My husband no way controls what I do. We are both free to do whatever we like and I may join him or he may join me if we want to, but we are both very much against discrimination of any sort and neither of us would consider joining or going to something that would bar the other. It is more of a limitation for me than it is for him as there are far more women only groups than there are men only but it is a principal that I fully agree with.

What group bars the opposite sex? The only one I can think of is masons and I wouldn't want to join anyway.

kircubbin2000 Fri 17-Sep-21 13:03:26

However I did once pop into the tennis clubhouse on 'mens morning' to use the loo and one of them had the cheek to point out that it was their day!I think he was one of 'them.'

Elvis58 Fri 17-Sep-21 13:28:15

We have seperate hobbies and things we do apart. We also do lots pf stuff together makes for a nice balance.