Do you engage differently on gransnet than in real life?

That must be tough Violetsky.

I have a friend who is quite blunt and often tactless. Because I know she's also kind and compassionate I forgive her the odd hurtful comment.
However on Gransnet, if she posted the way she talks, I would probably find her rude and brusque. So I think not actually knowing other posters, and only having their written comments to go by, can make the more brisk no nonsense ones come across badly at times.

It's useful to be able to check back through the comments, especially mine lol

I wasn't always like that, I went undiagnosed with Graves thyrotoxicosis and it did a lot of damage before it was picked up. Some things have gone back to normal with treatment and others not so much.

Learning to be OK with that

DiscoDancer1975

I often read the OP and comment without reading any others. I always apologise in case I’ve missed something, but don’t like to be influenced by other answers. I then read them all once I’ve posted.

So far I’ve never missed much.

I think that is a fair point.
Perhaps having any further posts by the OP highlighted in a different colour would help, then we could see if the matter had been resolved and nothing needs to be added.

I think I’m far more cautious, and definitely less spontaneous.
Sometimes I think I sound really bland, because I’m worried I may say something which may cause offence.
It’s hard to judge the people you’re speaking to, and probably in the real world our paths would never cross.
So yes, I’m different.

I would hate to thinking have upset anyone in here!
I try to be fair in my replies.

VioletSky

Pretty much the same, except in real life I stutter and lose my words/train of thought

Same here.
I have the attention span of a gnat, so I can go back to conversations in here to check where I am.
But I find it easier in here because I can take time to answer!

I often read the OP and comment without reading any others. I always apologise in case I’ve missed something, but don’t like to be influenced by other answers. I then read them all once I’ve posted.

So far I’ve never missed much.

I agree. Just reading the opening post and then jumping in with a comment is a bit like leaving a conversation to answer the phone and then expecting to come back and pick up where you'd left off without any regard to the fact that the conversation has moved on or taken a different turn.

Even if you don't want to read the whole thread it surely makes sense to read the last few posts to make sure you've some idea of where the discussion is at.

Baggs

Lucca

And of course many posters only read the OP and then comment, ignoring the rest of the thread.

Yes.

Which is fine.

Sorry I don’t agree. It can be completely pointless. For example when OP has returned and said yes I have phoned the doctor and then posters keep going suggesting “”why don’t you phone the doctor”

Or posters come on and just repeat what has been said several times. Why can’t they read the thread and take an interest ?

I noticed that too on a recent thread Beswitched not sure if people don't read all the posts in a thread or are just keen to get their own thoughts down.
I do find it difficult to add a post to a thread when I am just repeating what previous posters have said. I don't want to ignore the OP. Sometimes threads do go on a bit with everyone saying the same thing.

Baggs

Lucca

And of course many posters only read the OP and then comment, ignoring the rest of the thread.

Yes.

Which is fine.

Which is what I did the other day but I then apologised.

It was only me who felt like a prat anyway.

Any online forum isn’t close to a RL conversation. As others have said, the nuances of body language, particularly facial expression, intonation of language and quick fired exchanges are lost. So, yes I am different on here and other online sites, my language is more ‘ladylike’ for a start! and I can’t banter as I do with friends and good acquaintances.

I try not to be hurtful either in real life or on here but as others have said without a smile or any facial expression sometimes it can seem harder than it is meant
Sometimes giving another point of view on a situation can be misinterpreted by the original poster as being hard or unkind sometimes posters just want everyone to say there, there and agree with them and see it as hard hearted or bullying if someone offers a different take on a problem

dogsmother what you are saying always comes through the way it is written. I would sooner read posts like yours than the rantings of some leftwinger who cannot see any humanity in anyone who doesn't share their politicaal views to the letter and extends that lack of humanity to all, public, or private who think differently.

I miss the body language and expressions here. In real life I joke a lot but on here people don’t always understand when you are being lighthearted so you have to be careful. I would never,ever be rude to anyone in real life but here things can come over as rude if you disagree. Quite often I just avoid certain topics and people though lately the ones I avoid seem to have gone. Hallelujah. It is a much nicer place now I think.

I would hate to think I have hurt the feelings of anyone and always try to remember that the person could be vulnerable in some way. It is the same face to face with people I don't know well.

I agree with what JaneJudge and others have said about words being tempered with gestures, body language, smiles perhaps when in real life; the same thing said online can come across as abrupt, especially given the time lapse between posting and someone else reading it.

I'm the same here as I am in real life. It's easy to misinterpret the written word as it is the spoken one.

I do wonder when I see posts as you've described Beswitched as insulting, sneering and jeering if they really are like that in real life. I doubt they'd have any friends of family if that's how they behave when not hiding behind a computer screen and user name.

It's ridiculous for anyone IMO to associate being disagreed with with bullying although some do. Bullying is blatantly obvious as is simply being disagreed with.

Much better with the written word, I’m no talker. In school I used to be good at writing essays. But as others have said, the written word can be misinterpreted.

Pretty sure I’m poor on here, when I read back I realise my skills at writing are quite poor. My education was limited, my intelligence is not however.

M0nica

The problem is you cannot second guess things you know nothing about. You get this in threads where the OP reveals on the third page an important fact that completely invalidates everyone's comments up to then.

If you assume someone is experiencing a certain emotion and they are feeling nothing of the kind it can make matters even worse. We have to make decisions about our responses to posts entirely on what is written on the page. We can go no further.

I agree we can't always know what's going on in a person's life, but I agree with Janejudge that it's important to not forget that the poster you're talking to is a real person, not just a name on a screen.

I'm sure many people come on here as a distraction during times of difficulty or sadness, and being subjected to unwarranted insults or sneering and jeering for simply expressing an innocuous view that some posters don't agree with must cut deep.

I also use humour a lot IRL but on GN I have had a couple of instances of offending someone where no offence was intended, so try to be careful. Similar to business emails which I am writing all the time, however not trying to be conversational in those.

I think on GN I have more time to think and sometimes I feel a bit like Miss Marple as to whether I know somebody who has been in a similar position, what they did and whether it worked. In real life I know I am seen as a good listener so I do try to read all the comments unless I come in at page 12!

It reminds me of Alice in Wonderland who gave her self good advice but seldom took it.

On GN I try to give good moderate advice taking in all the factors concerned. In real life I am not always so temperate with my initial reaction.

I also have a very zany sense of humour which certainly doesn't transmit at all as well on paper as does a knowing wink and smile in person. I learned very early on here to cut that out (and rightly so!)