Boarding Schools

Good that it worked for you and your sons Sago

I was a day pupil at a boarding school but would have been happier boarding away from abusive parents.

My husband boarded from 7-11 at prep school then went on to board at public school.
Our sons also went to public school and boarded.
They are all perfectly normal well adjusted individuals.

I totally agree with Lucca it is not a move we made for reasons of snobbery, we wanted the best education we could afford and we made a financial sacrifice to achieve that.

It was worth every penny.

Yes - my father was in the RAF so I boarded quite a lot - on and off. First was weekly boarding at the tender age of 5 to save a daily ferry crossing to school in the winter months. It was a convent, the nuns were cruel and I hated it with a vengeance. Again in a different convent school when I was 8 - this time termly, and once again I hated it. Then when I was 12, my parents were living in Penang, and I boarded at an international school in Singapore. I really enjoyed this - no nuns, flights to school via Kuala Lumpur. But my parents moved down to Singapore after a few months, so then I went as a day student. Did it do me any harm? Probably not - I think it taught me to be resilient and adaptable. Interesting though that my daughter is just looking at secondary schools for her oldest child, and doesn't want him to go to one particular school as it is 'full of RAF brats'. I had to remind her that I was one of this unruly species - and ended up with a good spread of O levels, 3 A levels, university degree and post grad qualifications.

I went to a boarding school for French Protestant girls in Normandy. I loved it. My mother was abusive so it was very preferable to home. I was there from 11 to 17, when I passed the B.A.C., got a scholarship to Barnard College in NYC. I received an excellent education, ballet, ballroom dance, art and horseback riding lessons as well as Latin, Greek, Italian and English, and the usual french academic subjects, I played football and field hockeyas well. Chapel every morning at 7, classes from 9 to 5, sports afterwards. We had weekends off and I usually went to my Grandparents in Paris. I was so grateful to my Grandparents for paying the very expensive fees.

grumpaa glad that you have good memories

To this day , if I am poorly, I have nightmares about going back to school

At boarding school poorly meant "The San" (or similar name) and "Matron" marching around being "efficient" which manifested itself in a multitude of ways! Last thing one needs as a poorly young child! [hmmm]

What an interesting thread. My parents divorced, and my mother had to work full time; it was also suggested that my chest would benefit from my going to school in the country (never mind the hay fever!). So I went to boarding school aged 10, and thanks to Anthony Buckeridge I really looked forward to it. It was not a typical prep. school for boys - the majority of pupils were day boys, the owner of the school was a fearsome widow who kept a stern eye on the teaching staff, and the matron was an unmarried mother - but the teaching was good and I had a very enjoyable time.

I also enjoyed my time at my public school, in spite of not being sporty, and still have friends from those days (as I also have from university and from work). Had I gone to a day school, I would like to think I would still have friends from there, too.

It's a strange system to put certain pupils in charge of bullying others.

I went to boarding schools in Egypt and Kenya and hated both with a passion. To this day , if I am poorly, I have nightmares about going back to school. Nothing would have made me send my own children to one. It is great to hear of children who loved it and thrived. I certainly did not.

Certainly in boys school the prefect system was historically potentially abusive, physically as well as mentally. In girls schools more often potentially emotionally abusive

Atqui

“One of the key things when reading about Boarding School Survivors was that they may well think they loved it etc but have no concept of how the experience impacted on them or how their behaviours link to that experience. “
I agree curlywhirly. My husband says he had a wonderful time, and probably did as he was very sporty, but I would say he is lacking in emotional awareness, and is very stiff upper lip ish. He was recounting how prefects would have responsibility for physical punishment to other boys, and in the same breath
Said there was no bullying at his school.

Prefects were responsible for punishing younger boys at my brother’s school, too. Wonderful for the sadists among them. This was a minor public school in the 1940s and 50s, where my brother was one of the few day boys. He absolutely loathed it, says it was cold and cruel.

That is interesting *Bluedaisy^. My dad was sent to boarding school, aged 8 years. Like me his fees were paid for by the society his parents worked for, so he was not in the same wealth bracket as his peers. He stayed there until he was 18. I can certainly recognise some of the traits I listed in him, sadly.

My father went to one of the top boarding schools in the country. To be honest reading curlywurlys list above 9 out of 10 of the * statements rung true with me regarding how my DF was all throughout my life and it never occurred to me it was anything to do with his upbringing in boarding school. He went when he was old enough to go and left at 16. He had a terrific sense of humour but at the same time he had the biggest chip on his shoulder (ive always said he had a breeze block on his shoulder) I’ve ever known anyone to have. He held grudges against his parents and sibling till the day they died and his DS my DB consequently has an awful chip on his shoulder as far as my DF is concerned. My DF & DB are like 2 peas out of a pod. My brother never went to boarding school but my DF always threatened us with that as kids if we were naughty.

HurdyGurdy How sad for your friend.

Went to boarding school in the 40s very unhappy, did not go home for half term, very little contact with parents who only visited the school once in 5 years the last term.Poor education which started after I left school.Lots of bullying by prefects. definitely emotionly damaged. Having said that did well in my chosen career even though my first work place meant I moved from home, so very little home life.

Went to boarding school in the 40s very unhappy, did not go home for half term, very little contact with parents who only visited the school once in 5 years the last term.Poor education which started after I left school.Lots of bullying by prefects. definitely emotionly damaged. Having said that did well in my chosen career even though my first work place meant I moved from home, so very little home life.

*Atqui. “One of the key things when reading about Boarding School Survivors was that they may well think they loved it etc but have no concept of how the experience impacted on them or how their behaviours link to that experience. “
I agree curlywhirly. My husband says he had a wonderful time, and probably did as he was very sporty, but I would say he is lacking in emotional awareness, and is very stiff upper lip ish. He was recounting how prefects would have responsibility for physical punishment to other boys, and in the same breath. Said there was no bullying at his school.*

Exactly! He might be interested to read Nick Duffells book but only he can decide he needs to

I only know one person and she is lovely. Confident and capable intelligent

Socks I am sorry to hear about your childhood experiences

What I find fascinating is that what you say above is exactly how many would describe me ...little do people know what is going on underneath. I have probably opened up more here about what I know/am realising about myself than I have ever done or would do face to face in "real life".

What people see is "confident" "assertive" "successful" "intelligent" ...etc

Underneath is something somewhat different!

No, I didn't go. My mother used to use boarding school as a threat if I'd been naughty (I knew she didn't mean it) and I was DESPERATE to go. Mainly because my only knowledge of boarding school was Mallory Towers or St Clares, and they sounded to be a wonderful place to go.

My friend went to boarding school at age 8, and she described to me how she stood on the steps of the school, watching her parents drive off and thinking "what did I do wrong"?

The school had a trip to the town her parents lived in, and so she said she thought she'd go and surprise them. When she went to the house, a new family was there. Her parents had moved, and not told her.

I don't think her parents were very nurturing . She always envied the relationship I had with my mother.

“One of the key things when reading about Boarding School Survivors was that they may well think they loved it etc but have no concept of how the experience impacted on them or how their behaviours link to that experience. “
I agree curlywhirly. My husband says he had a wonderful time, and probably did as he was very sporty, but I would say he is lacking in emotional awareness, and is very stiff upper lip ish. He was recounting how prefects would have responsibility for physical punishment to other boys, and in the same breath
Said there was no bullying at his school.

Nightsky2

Lucca

Oh come on Josianne. Parents send their children to public school of snobbery, conscious or unsconscious. The camaraderie you are talking about , is that what we see in the cast of made in Chelsea then ?
There are exceptions obviously and I know of one but by and large it is a class thing.

You are so wrong. Parents send their children to public school because they liked the experience themselves and the teaching on the whole is better then you get at the local comprehensive if there’s no other choice.
Our eldest son would have spent his time in the back row fooling around and would not now be the successful lawyer that he is. I am absolutely certain of that.

Do you honestly think that we have that kind of money to throw away!. We could have chosen to spend the money on ourselves but we didn’t. We could have driven around in Mercedes and BMWs but we didn’t, we put our childrens education first. We are happy that our sons have had a wonderful education, the very best.
I have never seen an episode of ‘Made in Chelsea’.

I don’t think I’m wrong. Your case is in my opinion a minority one.
How do you know the teaching is better ? The money pays for small classes it’s true.

All classic symptoms of insecurity

I suspect many young boarders display classic symptoms of insecurity Smurf at least certainly in years gone by. I cant comment on now. Certainly looking back I know that I did and so did many of my young peers!

Bazza I am glad you are finding it interesting

I hope others are too, and also helpful

I survived - permanently damaged, but survived

scotsmum well done

Lifestyle choices? Like sending kids away rather than actual parenting?

I am unclear what the purpose of this comment is on a thread where posters are either highlighting their boarding experiences (painful or otherwise) or describing their own parental choices to send their children to boarding school.

I am clear that neither group particularly need their parents or parenting to have such simplistic assumptions made so I'm hoping the thread does not get unnecessarily derailed.