Boarding Schools

I was a day pupil at a boarding school but would have been happier boarding away from abusive parents.

My husband boarded from 7-11 at prep school then went on to board at public school.
Our sons also went to public school and boarded.
They are all perfectly normal well adjusted individuals.

I totally agree with Lucca it is not a move we made for reasons of snobbery, we wanted the best education we could afford and we made a financial sacrifice to achieve that.

It was worth every penny.

Good that it worked for you and your sons Sago

Josianne a friend of mine who went to a Catholic boarding school ran away three times. There was a drawer in a table in our common room - those who ran away removed the drawer and wrote their names and destinations on the underside of the drawer. I never tried, didn't have the courage, and why would you run back to the people who'd sent you away?
Not a good experience for me. It was a Quaker boarding school and if I was a Christian I'd be a Quaker, but my education took a dive and I only got poor grades and am only in touch with one person from school, so all in all, a waste.

Curlywurly18
1. All boarding schools have child protection policies.
I agree child protection and safeguarding policies were largely absent years ago however the point I was making was that despite recent legislation there is still a conflict between profit and the child's welfare.
For example: three children from the same family boarding at the same school, child 1, age 7, unhappy and threatening self harm receives in-school medical care. The concern of the school is that the parents might potentially remove all three children therefore the schools' approach to child 1 is to brush his emotional problems under the carpet, jolly him along, monitor his letters home and supervise his phone calls thus protecting the revenue they receive for all 3 children.
I am not saying all boarding schools act in this way only that profit before welfare is a concern. No amount of policies or inspections can protect very young children, who have yet to develop a voice and sadly drop through the net.

My DH went to boarding school at 7, he was adopted, an only child and I can’t imagine sending a very precious wanted child away, they were RAF parents and to be honest I don’t think his mother really wanted children as he impacted on her social life too much, but his father did want him. He absolutely hated it and vowed we would never send our children away to school. To be absolutely honest he was damaged by this and never felt wanted. Despite all of this he is a wonderful father and husband. As he is an only child unfortunately it has fell to us to care for his mother who now lives with us, she is a miserable old lady and only saving grace is she has her own flat above garage so I actually only see her couple times a week. But my DH is her carer and I don’t know how he does it, she barely talks to him even though we changed our lives for her! Breaks my heart that now our children have left home (all doing well) we are now trapped with this woman that couldn’t be bothered to care for her 7 year old and sent him away!!

Sorry ladies rant over, but MiL was a crap mother!!

My ex husband was a chorister in a cathedral and attended public school as a result. When his voice broke he had the option to stay on in the senior school but he chose to move home - only a few miles away - and attend the local grammar school. He hated his time at the private school. The day he arrived he didn't realise he was going to stay until his parents left him there. He was bullied for crying! Although his parents only lived about 5 miles away they were not allowed to see him for a number of weeks each term, presumably in fairness to the boys whose parents lived further away.
I believe my ex was damaged by the experience. When my DS was still quite young he was happily singing at the top of his voice as we walked in a park. My FiL said to me "That boy could get into any choir school in the country." I said nothing at the time but that evening the conversation turned to whether the in-laws had ever done anything that had been bad for my ex and the glances we exchanged told them there was something. That evening they were shocked when my ex told them how unhappy he had been at choir school! My FiL had been sent to boarding school when very young as his parents' marriage broke down. As he loved singing he seemed to have thought that getting his son into choir school was the ultimate priviledge. My ex had never really told them of his unhappiness although he did choose to leave when he was no longer in the choir which should have given them a clue.
I guess my FiL enjoyed boarding school so assumed his own son would too. Sadly he was not well prepared for the experience and it was not a happy one. One of the boys who bullied him has been a prominent TV personality.
Personally I would not send a child to boarding school unless there were very exceptional circumstances preventing them living at home.

rustyfairy that sounds very possible and I now understand what you were explaining. Apologies for missing the point

Peff68 Poor you! And glad that your husband is a wonderful husband and father, clearly a very caring son as well!! Rant is understandable!

Although his parents only lived about 5 miles away they were not allowed to see him for a number of weeks each term, presumably in fairness to the boys whose parents lived further away

In the past it was considered better for children not to see parents or go home for several weeks so that they could "get over" their homesickness!1 Hmmm!

Boarding school aged 7 until 16 in the 50’s and 60’s. Parents abroad so holidays spent in ‘holiday homes’. Ended up pretty well institutionalised which served me well in later life when I helped out at a bible study in a young offenders institution. I knew how to work the system as well as they did. They wondered what I’d done wrong to be sent to boarding school once we were trading experiences! I recommend ‘Terns and Conditions - Life in Girl’s Boarding Schools 1939-1979’ by Ysenda Maxtone Graham. It will make you laugh and weep in equal measure.

The prep school I worked at in New Zealand had a mixture of boarders and day pupils. The school closed down its boarding facility during my time there and I took in two brothers Monday to Thursday nights. (They went home every weekend.) I had two young children of my own too. Needless to say, it was hard work but the boarders were fine in the main.

Before they closed the dorm down, in my teaching role I couldn't distinguish between day students and boarding students. I eventually got to know, obviously, but they were all typical kids with their own individual little quirks!

Interesting thread. I desperately wanted to go to boarding school as a child, having read Malory Towers. Lol. But, no, local schools for me.

I recommend ‘Terns and Conditions - Life in Girl’s Boarding Schools 1939-1979’ by Ysenda Maxtone Graham. It will make you laugh and weep in equal measure.

I have read that and agree.

my daughter boarding from 14 to 18, loved it, still sees friends she made there from all over the world

I am interested in these "all over the world" comments regarding boarders. A lot of boarding school past pupils I know do seem to have settled overseas for work. I know several in Hong Kong, 2 in Germany and one in Milan. Maybe boarding school teaches you to spread your wings?

Josianne I think boarding puts you on a more”international” level.
My youngest spent a gap year in India and Kyrgyzstan then went to university in the Czech Republic and worked in Prague for 5 years.
At school his friends were from all over the world..

Yes, I guess there are a fair few foreign students at UK boarding schools and everyone mixes in and makes friends. Good for diversity. When you look at the alumni in the boarding school magazines a lot of them seem to head off abroad. I thought of another two I know who are working in Switzerland and India.

A little under 10% of our children are educated outside of the state school system. But look at how the funding was cut for state schools whilst it rose year on year for private schooling.

Levelling up? I don’t think so

I lived in a county that had a local Education authority Co-ed boarding Grammar school. I won a place but luckily my father said no and I went to the local Grammar school.
Quite a few of my cousins went and two of them women were affected. One left at 16 married at 18 and left her husband at 22 . The other has had a succession of partners and husbands. So I think both could be counted as affected. The boy being sporty faired differently and came out well rounded
Having said that I know quite a lot of families where they all boarded from 11 and have come out well rounded and have very good professions,but those were different schools.
Perhaps the school ethos ,if the children were good mixers, all counted to how happy annd settled they were ,to be sent only 25 miles from home to board must have made them think very hard.

Wwm2- my grandchildren go to excellent private schools, day pupils but with many boarding friends from all over the world.

Their facilites were massively improved during Covid, IT links etc. Every child has access to several devices, and they were taught 'proper' real lessons, on zoom or other IT links, on normal timetable. They followed the syllabus word for word, page for page, homework was set, done, marked and discussed, etc. They have their own room with a desk, and access to all IT links, books and parents with a higher education- and grandparents on Zoom for some subjects.

It was amazing ... and I am so glad for my grandchildren.

But compare that to what happened to the majority of children in the UK. This has created a divide much much wider than ever- massive, huge. My grandson will take the same GCSE's this year as the vast majority of kids who had no access to a quiet room, and no access to any of the above.

So happy my grandchildren were part of the small minority whose education didn't really suffer - but how can levelling up be done?

(our own children did not go to private school btw- we were highly criticised by many for this).

I agree with what you say Kali2 and the educational experience of your grandchildren during covid sounds consistent with that of most private schools. The customer naturallywants what they are paying for.

You are right, this should have been available to every child.

Perhaps this could be a separate discussion under a different heading because curlywhirly and other contributors maybe aren't into wanting to discuss funding and politics on this thread?

Josianne

Yes, I guess there are a fair few foreign students at UK boarding schools and everyone mixes in and makes friends. Good for diversity. When you look at the alumni in the boarding school magazines a lot of them seem to head off abroad. I thought of another two I know who are working in Switzerland and India.

The school my children went to now sends representatives to China to recruit children.

kittylester

Josianne

Yes, I guess there are a fair few foreign students at UK boarding schools and everyone mixes in and makes friends. Good for diversity. When you look at the alumni in the boarding school magazines a lot of them seem to head off abroad. I thought of another two I know who are working in Switzerland and India.

The school my children went to now sends representatives to China to recruit children.

Yes kitty, South America is a big recruitment country too. They seem to like what is on offer.

My DH boarded, prep school then public in the 40s and 50s. Sporty, he did not appear to have been adversely affected, even though there was some abuse by a music master, he laughed it off, his nature being lighthearted, but his older brother, near in age and with the same experiences is a very complicated individual. Not sure if it’s temperament in his case.
I envied my DH his tremendous self confidence, I can be self confident too, but his was ingrained. To be at complete ease anywhere and at any time is a wonderful thing and I’m sure his education played a major part.
He wanted the same for our son, but he strongly rejected it and it was wonderful having him here growing up, a delight (our daughter was not offered boarding…)
Unless it is absolutely necessary, I do not believe in boarding and only wish our education system could be pulled up to standard and the private system brought down.

I went to an Anglican Girl's boarding school... Run by Nuns. I was six
only went home at the end of each term. I left after a couple of years to move to New Zealand with my family. I only have fond memories of my time there..not bullied had friends. The education side of it was pretty basic.... But I would never send my chn away to school at that age. I guess it was a traditional thing in my family...???

Perhaps this could be a separate discussion under a different heading because curlywhirly and other contributors maybe aren't into wanting to discuss funding and politics on this thread?

Thankyou Josianne, that is true!