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Reprimanded (Gently) for Letting My 2-Week-Old Grandson See My Face When Parents Want Him to Go To Sleep

(109 Posts)
NewGrannyInTX Wed 13-Oct-21 05:57:25

Visiting my new grandson and his parents the other day, the little guy was awake while his dad with holding him, and I was looking into the baby's face, smiling at him and talking to him softly - he was wide awake and I hadn't seen him in a couple of days. Apparently, his mom and dad were trying a new technique to get him to fall asleep, which involved not having him look at faces.... This was a new one on me. And they didn't tell me anything about this in advance, so I was taken aback for essentially being reprimanded for looking at the baby. Really???? I have made it a point to ask them how they want things done (I will become his caregiver when mom and dad go back to work), and this caught me off guard. And honestly, hurt my feelings a bit since it came out of the blue without telling me about it ahead of time. I do plan to tell them to clue me in if they are doing something new, so they don't spring something like that on me again. As a new parent myself, I set boundaries with my own parents that they balked at (like not smoking cigarettes around the baby), but never saw this one coming... I guess I'm looking for some re-assurance that this was indeed over-the-top - or some enlightenment if I am truly behind the times in what to expect.

win Thu 14-Oct-21 21:42:10

My son who is now 54 years old was very difficult to get to sleep at night. The health visitor advised us to put him in his cot and to sit in the room but never have eye contact and to ignore his crying, which would eventually get him to sleep. It was torture to do and often my husband would fall asleep before the baby.
No eye contact is not new as the baby gets stimulated and thinks it is a game. My daughter in law (his wife) always had our DGD in her arms until she had dropped off, we thought that bonkers too but it worked for them and they are still incredibly attached.

Birdie1 Thu 14-Oct-21 21:44:26

I have a new grandson about 3 weeks old and have seen him for the first time this week - (we live some 300 miles away so it’s not easy to pop in) - our daughter is a very anxious first time mother who is doing fantastically well. Today she was keen for me to watch an of episodes of a Netflix documentary called Babies (Senses) it was very informative and the research being carried out is amazing - l wish l had seen it when l was a new mum - you can learn new stuff even at our age - l would suggest you take a look at it and try and persuade your grandsons’s parents to as well - very enlightening information about baby development.

NewGrannyInTX Thu 14-Oct-21 21:56:01

Many thanks for the supportive and informative replies! I can understand the advice, and of course am following new mom and dad's rules - well aware that times change and my old ways are just that - old....

A few months ago, I uprooted myself from my home state in the US, to move 1,000 miles at my son and his wife's request. They bought a house for me, near their own house.

From the first day home from the hospital with the baby, my son and his wife had asked me to come over for a few hours in the early evening to give them some relief and a chance to eat a meal, take a shower, etc.

Last week my ex-husband (and new Grandad) came to town to see our grandson. We have been divorced for 20 years. He still behaves like a jerk around me, and makes everyone very uncomfortable. So my routine visits were suspended, and yes, 2 days away was a new experience.

On reflection, I realized that I can use this time to schedule things like visits to the dentist, etc., and certainly have not been sitting at home waiting to be invited over... Mr-Ex will leave town soon enough, and I live here now...

I'm resilient and independent, and just had to remind myself that while my primary purpose in moving nearby is to be near my grandson, there is also life going on with many interesting experiences waiting to be had.

Mmers Fri 15-Oct-21 03:26:20

Give these parents a break! I'm sure they didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. They are probably exhausted - it is so hard to recover from a labour and delivery and then go home and look after a baby.

Mmers Fri 15-Oct-21 03:28:44

Sorry I saw this thread this am and didn't see your last reply. You'll do fine. It's new for everyone and it takes time to figure it all out.

Naninka Fri 15-Oct-21 06:50:36

I think you sound totally normal NewGranny and I would also be surprised if a bonkers "rule" was sprung on me. You don't sound overly wounded - just bemused
and slightly taken aback.

My DS and his wife have some different ways of parenting but I let them get on with it. At my house, the focus is on food, rest, warmth, happiness - in whatever order necessary.

How lovely to have a growing family. Congratulations on being a granny - it's The Best.

Ps. Your son and partner will one day look back and laugh at this silly "rule", especially if they have more children! We're all a bit daft with the first!

Summerlove Fri 15-Oct-21 11:29:47

My mother would like to stoke my newborns head while I was nursing. She’d try talking to the baby when they were about to fall asleep.

She was told similar to you- stop distracting baby!

I’m sure I wasn’t nearly as nice in my reprimand.

Anneishere Fri 15-Oct-21 17:32:26

Oh how ridiculous! The world I fear is going potty! What will they come out with next I wonder?!