Annoyed with dinner guest

grannypiper

Scone You certainly wouldn't like to cater for my Husband, he has to follow a low FOD diet so can't have peas He is also coeliac and is dairy intolerant. I don't like catering for him either but the poor soul would starve if i didn't cook.

If you know in advance it's fine, it's when you prepare food and someone announces they can't eat it that it's annoying.

I've catered for vegetarians, vegans, coeliacs, lactose intolerants, someone with a severe nut allergy but not all at the same time.

Next time say to her “ I didn’t think you’d be very hungry so I’ve just done you a bit of toast “ ?

Callistemon

Does anyone remember that Vicar of Dibley Christmas episode?

It was very rude, Beswitched, I'd be very miffed, especially as she told you what she'd done as if she thought it was normal behaviour.
It's not.

That Vicar of Dibley episode was the first thing I thought of. Three Christmas dinners, wasn’t it?

When we were first married I met a nice neighbour who had an interesting husband. I thought we would all get on so rang to invite them to din er. I spoke to him and arranged the ti e. On the night we waited but no sign of them About 9.00 I phoned to see what was wrong and the wife told me he had never mentioned the party.They were very polite and rushed round even though they had already eaten.
Another couple my husband knew from football were invited for a light supper and drinks. I thought macaroni cheese would be simple ad it was a dish we often had for tea.
They poked it about the plate and avoided eating it ,then asked what it was!They had never heard of pasta and thought we were a bit posh.

New to Yorkshire, we were invited to some friends for supper at 8pm. We just had a slice of toast beforehand to keep us going, expecting a meal. We were too new to know that in Yorkshire, and many other places, the evening meal is tea, and supper is more of a snack, so we were quite hungry, ready for a meal. However the hospitality was generous, with sausage rolls, fruit cake and cheese.
Since then, I have always been very specific when inviting friends or when accepting an invitation, but sometimes the invitation has come via my husband and has not been clear. Best to clarify.
Not to eat what is provided is indeed rude.
On another occasion we had invited friends, I cooked a roast with all the trimmings. They were surprised and said they were not expecting a meal, but they certainly did it justice!

Very rude of your guest. I have been in a similar situation to BlueSapphire - thought it was drinks, discovered it was dinner. I just got on and ate it!

This has now reminded me of a meal we went to at a friend's home.

Sat down, I was all set to eat. It was a green curry. Not my favourite. In fact I thought I would die. Dramatic, maybe, but it was awful to my boring, bland palate.

I ate it all up.

No excuse for rudeness.

How rude! I was taught to eat whatever I was given when a visitor, I've had two difficult occasions, once given rollmops as a starter at another dinner I was given kidneys, beautifully cooked in a rich sauce on a choux pastry base. Unfortunately, I absolutely hate both and it was a real effort to force them down. When I invite people to supper I always ask if there's anything they don't eat and if I know I'm thinking of doing something that I'm not sure of eg anything gamey, mussels, etc I'll just check it's OK. I've got my daughter and her new boyfriend coming for Sunday lunch. He's vegetarian so I suggested making a veggie meal, daughter wailed "no, I'm looking forward to a roast with all the trimmings, he can just have the veg!"

Very rude and I certainly wouldn't ask them again. Ok, so the dinner guest called in on family on the way to the dinner party but why could they not say to the GC 'no, I can't eat with you as much as I would like to because I'm going out for dinner but I will come another day if that's ok'. Why do people pussyfoot around children?
OP went to a great deal of trouble and has my sympathy. A few years ago OH and I invited a couple of friends for dinner. I did three courses plus wine, beer, coffee and some expensive single malt too. They invited us over to their place a few weeks later........when we got to their house and knocked on the door they both came out with their coats on and said we were to get back in the car as were all going to the local pub....never bothered inviting them again and the wine, flowers and chocolates we had in the car boot for the hosts went home with us.

You say tbese are friends? Well I certainly wouldn't think of them as rude. Thoughtless certainly but with friends I could have discussed this reasonably if I felt the need. Guests, certainly rude but they would only ever be invited back for nibbles if at all. I don't part company with my friends that easily.

Years ago when I was visiting relatives in Australia we went for lunch with my sister in law’s grandmother. She was a lovely, very correct lady who had prepared an exquisite lunch for us. The main ingredients were veal, which I don’t eat for ethical reasons and orange sauce - I am allergic to oranges. I didn’t say a thing but ate most of the food I could eat. I managed to smuggle some of the veal over to my brother’s plate and sort of hid the rest under a potato. Years earlier when we lived overseas a rather scatty young bachelor invited us to dinner. Yes, we did have a snack before leaving home. A good thing too, as the food, which he said was his mother’s recipe, was undercooked and almost edible. One thing: we are supposed to cater for our guests and cook things they like. So, my brother is vegetarian so I cook a vegetarian dish for him. But, have any of us ever had a meat dish cooked for us by a vegetarian at a dinner party?

Oh yes Maw we young marrieds used to go to each other's houses to try their latest recipe.

Some awful disasters such as my boiled lemon sponge which was like a piece of rubber or the friends who ate like birds and said the food was too rich. I can not remember their names as we called them Mr & Mrs too rich

They were great fun though and we had some exciting meals.

Getting the time right is another matter.
Our French Helpx would announce at about 6pm that he would cook.
We would sigh at the thought of his wonderful cooking and each time I forgot that he didn't do fast food and with rumbling tums we would venture into the kitchen where he would be listening to opera and making delicious sauces. The smell was wonderful and then, when we were no longer hungry at about 9 pm he would say "Voila" and 7 or 8 dishes would be laid out on the table.

Very rude. I’d be so annoyed- probably would have told her!

I remember years ago my mum has cooked an elaborate and lovely meal for my mil. She arrived and firmly said she didn’t want anything to eat. The silly thing was that she has travelled to London from the north and I am sure she hadn’t eaten and was just being overly polite. Mum took her at her word, though and was quite upset. No doubt she left thinking similar. Lack of communication all round.

nanna8 I wonder if the relationship improved? I'll bet your mum was hungry at breakfast the next day.
We are funny creatures aren't we, when it comes to food and customs.

It is unfeeling and discourteous. A friend now dead, used to make a joke when I had made a nice dinner "I'll have a cheese sandwich please" and that was a joke which he knew I'd understand as irony.

It's just plain bad manners to arrive for dinner - not hungry. (I'd have no problem, myself, with eating an extra dinner!) Don't bother with that again, just a takeaway pizza will do.

while I wouldn't eat first and then decline a meal, there are some things I cannot or will not eat and if they were presented to me to eat I would have to refuse. I have never subscribed to the "must eat what you are given" shibboleth, not for my guests and not for myself.

I invited a couple for supper one night and they were bemused as they had already eaten, not understanding I meant a meal.
Must be a northern thing (I’m northern too!).
My late DH and I often recollected the Sunday lunch an eccentric widow invited us to. She proudly plonked on to the table two Fray Bentos steak and kidney pies in their tins that she had been saving for a ‘special’ occasion.
Regarding arriving for a meal and people still cooking it.
Can’t stand it. That’s why the good old fashioned hostess trolley is such a blessing. I can sit and have a drink with them without worrying.

It has happened to me, and whilst remaining tight lipped, does put a damper on the evening. Also those who cry off without a reason the day before, after I have bought all the food, presumably because they have been invited somewhere else they would rather go to.

On one occasion, flying out to DS's wedding in India, we had a full meal before an overnight flight. Checked in at the airport to find we had been upgraded to First Class. Snacks and wine in the lounge, and then when we got on board, a full 3 course dinner with champagne was served, and we really struggled to eat it!

Many many years ago an ex-university friend invited us to the ballet at the Festival Hall He suggested dinner before but DH and I pretended we didn’t have time after work (he was a sweet person but deadly boring) and declined the meal - grabbing a not very healthy but filling (I think) burger and chips.
After the ballet our friend said “as you didn’t have time for dinner before, I have booked us a table for dinner here “ !
The menu was to die for! The food fantastic and it was his treat! We forced enough down for politeness sake - but what a waste.
Oh it was such a judgement on us for being duplicitous

Beswitched my feelings would be hurt too..I would think again before inviting this 'friend' maybe you could invite other friends next time..I'm not a cook at all but love being invited to friends for a meal and always take a bottle of what I know the hostess likes? or, flowers ,if she doesn't drink as know its a lot of time and effort to host!

Caleo DH had a gt aunt like that. She wasn't a cook herself and perhaps scorned the ability in others so would always say "just give me a sandwich" when invited for a meal. Infuriating.

Mind you I was invited to Sunday lunch a few weeks ago at DS's and when I arrived his DW showed a little surprise, offered me a glass of wine and asked if I would like beans on toast?
There didn't seem to be a choice so I settled for that.
Their kitchen is like a constant buffet with DC eating when and how they please, but as DM, DMiL and DGM I say nothing .

I had a couple of "friends" that came twice to dinner and then announced that they'd already had supper so weren't hungry. We stopped inviting them round. There were another two couples who turned up so drunk they could barely speak. We don't see them any more either. There are plenty of other people we would rather see who don't behave like that. It's so disappointing when you've gone to a lot of trouble, and very rude. Many people seem to have no manners these days, and don't worry about letting people down.

Anyone acting like that isn't worth inviting again. They are not respecting you and the effort you have made.