Engagement rings and choices

My paternal grandmother left a ring to each of her grandsons in the hope that they would give it to their wives, if and when they married. She left her own engagement ring to my mother, who was her eldest son's wife, and her other rings to my paternal aunt and uncle, who had been widowed.

This was I believe quite common in Scotland formerly - our grandmother died when we were teenagers in the 1970s.

Grandmothers quite often did leave their engagement rings to a grandson in the hope that they would give it to their fiancee.

I agree, I would not neccesarily have wanted to wear a ring, just because it had belong to my own or my husband's grandmother. I would happily have worn my grandmother's which was a half-hoop with five dark blue sapphires. It was however intended for my sister, which was fine by me.

Sadly neither she nor I got a chance to wear it, as it was missing from my mother's possessions after her death - rather oddly, as she had never worn it, and all her other rings, necklaces and brooches, and she had many, were where we expected to find them.

My MIL gave me her engagement ring ( her first husband, the father of my dh ) as a ring , not engagement. It is not to my taste , but I told her we would pass on to her first born granddaughter .

When my son proposed to his girlfriend he gave her a Promise Ring. These rings signify a bond between two people. The couple then went together to choose her engagement ring and their wedding bands.

My now late MiL gave my husband a bag of old jewellery to sell, things she had inherited but never worn. There was a pretty little diamond ring in the bag. I showed it to my son and asked if his girlfriend would like it. When he proposed he gave her this ring but stipulated that she didn’t need to wear it as an engagement ring but would be nice until they chose one together. My wonderful DiL loved it and has worn it proudly ever since.
I have since passed on my MiL’s engagement ring to her and she is going to have it redesigned as it is quite ugly.

I'm not keen on the concept of engagement rings. I did have a sort-of one but it was 4 shillings and six pence in a sweet shop and I've still got it.
When my dad asked my mother to marry him, he offered her a ring that he'd given to someone else but she'd changed her mind and returned it. My mum didn't want it and continued to wear the ring her Canadian wartime love had given her. I think she often wished she'd been brave enough to emigrate and marry him.

Absolutely would not feel happy to be given someone else's ring as my engagement ring. By all means give/offer the ring as a gift and hope the recipient likes it, but being given a second hand ring for me smacks of 'too mean to buy her a new one of her own'

The boyfriend sounds like a tightwad. The OP's friend had a lucky escape.

A friend of mine was in the same situation and I can only say that the ring was a huge carbuncle several sizes too small.
When it was taken to a jeweller to be re sized, they found out that it was a complete fake - not even gold!
It turned out that it had never been a heirloom engagement ring at all, just one they had found in the back of a drawer when the previous owner moved into a home.
The relationship didn't last as my friend found out that the reason that he had given it to her was because he didn't want to spend money on one of her choice!
The "romantic " picnics at any time of the year, cinema nights in with a meal cooked for her (usually burger and chips or a ready meal from Iceland) were basically because he was a skinflint - all his money, he spent on himself - designer clothing, new car, expensive toiletries etc. She had a lucky escape!

PS, the man is still single several years later , despite 5 engagements !

Kate Middleton did.

I gave my son a ring which had belonged to my mum and told him it was his to give to whoever he wanted when the time was right. When he decided to get engaged I made it clear I didn’t expect his girlfriend to accept it if she didn’t like it. He could sell it and buy another ring. As it happens it’s a very pretty ring and she did like it.

i had been with my partner for 8 years when we decided to get married, his mum offered a ring but i said no, we went to a very cheap jewellery shop and i picked the cheapest ring costing £9, i was happy with this, i never been a fan of jewellery. the only thing i wear now is my wedding ring even though he has been gone 19 years, some people find it strange that i do not like necklaces and bracelets but that's just me.

Each of my children have a family ring - either wedding or engagement, all representing a long and happy past union which I think is lovely, but I think that the OP's friend had a lucky escape from Mr Myway or the Highway.

Never had money for an engagement ring. There's more important things than jewellery. Virtually all mine inherited, apart from wedding ring. Still together, 50+ years on.

Poor old Kate.
It's desperately sad to have to wear that £30000 ring.
Not sure on my noughts there.
Poor woman.

I did feel sorry for the Duchess of Cambridge...imagine wearing a ring which was so well-known and for ever linked to her late MIL...

When we got engaged (in 1976...) we went and chose the ring together. I have never understood men who buy an expensive ring to present on one knee when they are asking the question. Unless they are very sure about style and size etc. Much better, I would, have thought, to choose together.

My original engagement ring was stolen about 10 years ago. It was a solitaire diamond in a very plain setting, the best that could be afforded at the time (it cost £67, as I remember, which seemed like a lot of money back then...). I am still very annoyed and rather upset about its loss.

My ring is a solitaire from an antique Jewellery shop (50 years ago) strangely the setting became popular in the ‘90s as modern. I had the setting remade as it was wearing and I didn’t want to risk the diamond falling out.

Incidentally I didn’t like Diana’s engagement ring at all and feel very sorry for Catherine having to wear that ring for the rest of her life. I suppose she’ll have many other lovely pieces of jewellery to wear anyway so perhaps won’t be too bothered.
I thought the ring Harry had made for Meghan was lovely, but she spoilt it by having the band changed and thinned and having little stones put all around it. It’s now not to my taste at all.

We discussed the kind of style I would like and then chose the ring together. Unfortunately I lost the ring a few years later and we replaced it very hurriedly. Anyway I was never terribly happy with the new ring and so two years ago we went to Hatton Garden to buy a new engagement ring, as similar to the first one as possible. We recreated a special afternoon which had been lost by losing the first ring. I had the second ring’s diamond made into a pendant for my daughter, which we gave to her for Christmas. She was delighted and I’m very happy with my new ring.

I think initially it was a lovely gesture to use a family heirloom, I would like that idea. However once your friend said she didn't like it the reaction of the boyfriend was quite unpleasant Judy54. A taste of things to come if she had married him I'm afraid.

My husband chose my engagement ring. Still love it but that's more because of the occasion than the item. Romantic pushover me.

Mine was 2nd hand and I love it, I think I would have loved any ring that he had gone to the trouble of buying whether it was together or on his own.

We chose our engagement ring together and paid for it jointly. We had a very short engagement of one month so we even considered not having an engagement ring at all! OH paid for the wedding ring…

Hubby and I chose my engagement ring together. (He did formally propose as well.)

Had he offered me an heirloom I didn't care for, I'd have thanked him. I might have mentioned that it wasn't really my style, or depending on the setting, it could have been a potential safety issue. (In my case I have an excellent excuse. I'm a nurse and was in clinical practice at the time. My engagement ring has diamonds set right into the band, so they can't fall off. Had they been held in place in a standard setting, it could have become an issue.) I'd have asked if he was particularly attached to the style of the ring. If he said no, I'd have asked if we could investigate having it melted down and a new ring made, using the same stones. This way we could honour the family heritage while updating the style.

Aah, that is romantic.
I like things with a story to tell far more than brand new.
It's nice that you're the keeper of that ring now.

MissAdventure

You old romantic, you!

More ring for your money.

Actually, we looked at rings together and didn't like any. DH saw this one, thought I would love it and bought it.

I thought that was a lovely romantic thing to do as I do love it.