Women mourn, men replace

Men can’t manage on their own, they are lost.
They need a woman to manage them.
Women are independent and after years of washing, ironing ,cooking and cleaning they are not wanting to start that again.
I was 81 when my H died so it was never going to happen but even had I been much younger I don’t think I would ever try to replace him.

A friend from a large family (3 girls, 4 boys) remarked that when their mother died, all the boys (in their twenties at that time) married within a year. The two elder girls were already married and the youngest girl looked after the widower!

At my local club at his wife’s funeral the widower linked up with one of her friends, they remarried within months.

I think it’s just because men don’t have the same emotional attachment that women do, some of course want to replace a lost wife, some are looking for female companionship rather than male or none at all.
After a long marriage a widow may have many fond memories which makes attachment to a new man more difficult. As a divorcee I didn’t have that, sure, I remember the good times but they don’t linger, OH lost his wife after a long illness and I’m sure he decided quite quickly to find a new partner.

I don’t know anyone personally, but there were several such marriages among my mother’s circle. And dh’s grandfather married very soon after he was widowed, the nurse who’d looked after his wife. Ditto a former neighbour of my parents.

If I were feeling charitable I’d say that they were lonely and wanting a companion. If not I’d say they just wanted a replacement cook/housekeeper.
But it could be a bit of both.

What does really occasionally worry me, is the idea of an elderly man with early, undiagnosed dementia, being swept swiftly into marriage by someone who then gets him to change his will entirely in her favour.

I know someone this happened to, and there was absolutely nothing the family could do, because his dementia was still undiagnosed at the time of the marriage.

Maybe men look to replace the structure in life that, generally, women provide?

I was about to say something similar Aveline.
Another thought, if men are quickly remarrying and women are not, who are the women they are marrying?

I'm somewhat certain that my husband would have liked me to remarry but I just couldn't. In fact, we had a verbal pact about dating should one of us depart this mortal coil. I honoured that as best I could but - not for me. No disrespect to the males involved just not for me. It's been a long alone haul in this second best life I've been alloted but I still have no regrets about my current status.

To be honest- as a widow of 4 years standing, the last thing I want is an old man to look after (and I have neither the figure nor the energy for a toy boy!)
Actually however much I moaned about DH he was mine, my other half and you don’t replace that so quickly
He was far from perfect - but then so am I- but I have yet to see his equal ??

Similarly when a couple split up, men, particularly if they instigated the break up, straight into another relationship. Women are more likely to stay on their own for a while, instigator or not.

PollyTickle

I was about to say something similar Aveline.
Another thought, if men are quickly remarrying and women are not, who are the women they are marrying?

In the case of dh’s grandfather, it was a woman in her 60s who’d already buried 2 husbands. She whisked him off to her native NZ and It wasn’t too long before he made the 3rd. And she inherited everything.
Just saying.

I can’t think it can possibly have been anything to do with her looks that attracted him - she was what my father would irreverently have described as an ‘old flannel-drawers’. But she was evidently an excellent cook-housekeeper.

Perhaps sex is more important to men than women as they age.

I’m thinking of an uncle of mine who married the bridesmaid from his marriage to his deceased wife, she had been dead less than a year. (Mature couple, in their 50’s)

It didn’t work out as it was the sex he missed, she was also a widow and physical side of marriage was not what she wanted.

My DH and I have been having this discussion and he will get a new partner pretty quick - his words whilst I would prefer to live on my own, am happy to date but really do not want to look after anyone else. I'm done with that.

A neighbour of ours, dead now, when his second wife died, received a condolence card from a woman with whom he had had a child some years before.
Within weeks she had moved here, into his house and they married soon after.
We were all quite “ surprised “ but she was a very nice woman and became friendly with most neighbours.
It was him I could never quite get on with.

Maybemaw that is just how I feel too. My DH was just the only man that I could envision being with. I too used to grumble about his little ways, but they were what made him him.

Yes I seen this happen so often. Even my own Dad had a relationship far too soon after my Mum died in my opinion. Yet you couldn’t have known a happier couple than my parents were! (nothing really came of it, thankfully). They must just have a different mind set to women. I’ve also noticed that when men’s relationships break up a lot of them go home to Mum, where as the woman just gets on with it. I’ve seen this with lots of friends and relatives boys.

Well, it’s not always the case, is it? Not all men do remarry. I think it’s generalising to say that they do. Perhaps quite a few do, but in my family and circle of friends, for example, none of the men have remarried after losing their wives. Perhaps the age of the bereaved person has a part to play, and how long they were married?
I think there are men (and women), who can’t live alone and need someone else in their lives, but I think there are a lot who can and don’t.

Lizzies

I lived on my own for 21 years after divorcing but met an old old friend again who had lost his wife a few months before and we decided to move in together much to the judgement of his friends. We are both in our 70's and havn't much time left to be together at our age so we have just got on with enjoying the life we have left - - and have lost a few ' friends ' - but we are happy and I enjoy the companionship and sharing we experience after so many years on my own. I was never looking to marry again or live with anyone as I was very self sufficient - - and my partner was too - he still does all his own laundry and helps with the household chores so he was never looking for a housekeeper - just someone to share his life with. I am happy in my new life so that's all that matters really and our families are happy for us too.

My mum died quite young late 60s after a few years my dad remarried to a lady he had known in his young years they met up on a coach trip.
They had 15 or so years of happiness and companionship and she loved him with all her heart and still misses him so much His final years were filled with happiness she looked after him through dementia which changed him and I will always be grateful for her care
She now in her late 80s is lonely and I do my best to care for her in the same way

I think men miss the companionship and certain other things!! so that can be why they look for another partner. Women are mostly able to cope better with being on their own. Jamie Redknapp has just remarried and his new wife looks like a younger version of his ex-wife.

Must say I can’t imagine ever wanting another man if I were left on my own.
I think I’d probably get a dog (we’ve had them in the past) assuming I was still mobile enough to look after it properly. No need to cook for him/her, no laundry to do, no expectations of nookie, and if it was anything like our last dog, it’d be happy to curl up on the bed and keep me warm. ??

I was quite young when my husband died, and so was he. I had primary school age children. The idea of putting someone else in his place just didn’t seem real to me, and I never did. The boys would have hated it, and I thought they had suffered quite enough with his death.

I would have more cats. I can’t imagine marrying again.
I asked DH his thoughts and he said a definite No. he wouldn’t marry again. I’d never asked him before.