Friend who has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s

My father had vascular dementia and the first sign was he had several small bumps in his car, my BIL had early onset dementia and I remember him struggling to learn a new card game several years before he showed other problems (eg couldn't use a cash machine). He'd always been quite sharp but it never crossed my mind that he was showing signs of dementia, tbh I thought he was depressed!

My Mum also used to be a teacher. Looking back the first clue to her Alzheimer's, before diagnosis, was the loss of concentration for reading.
One year on holiday she didn't bring any books, which was most unlike her, but just bought a couple of magazines at the airport and sat idly turning the pages for two weeks.

Her diagnosis didn't seem to bother her, she dismissed it saying she was just a bit forgetful which was only to be expected at her age.

The main problem we had was that she refused to have any outside help, insisting my Dad did everything. We all lived too far away to help regularly and he was exhausted.

Eventually she had a bad fall and a lengthy hospital stay.
A super social worker insisted on home care being put in place before Mum could be discharged.
If Mum and Dad hadn't agreed, the social worker told me I could overrule them as I had power of attorney. Thankfully it didn't come to that.
Dad benefitted so much from this and they both became very fond of the lovely carer, who was with them until Mum died peacefully at home.

nanna8, these days, doctors seem obliged to tell everyone their diagnosis, with no attempted softening of the blow. I suppose we have a right to know and can plan accordingly.

I don't see why being without a car would require a house move, though. I've never had a car - and can always get a cab. You'd have to be out a lot to find it more expensive.

depends how rural they are.
out in the depths of the country it can be v difficult to get a cab.
ok in the city or burbs.

Very true, Welbeck.
A friend was recently diagnosed with a condition (not dementia) that means she’s not allowed to drive for at least 6 months.
As she said, thank God she’d moved after being widowed, from very rural N Devon, to a flat close to a city centre, where there is excellent public transport and taxis - if needed - are easily available.

When I lived in a village it was £20 for a taxi to drive out from the nearest town, collect and take me back into town. And £20 for the return journey.

And this was 15 years ago. Goodness knows how much it is now?

But lots of villages and communities now have volunteer drivers or community buses.

Public transport here has got much worse; a friend who doesn't drive and whose husband as given up driving was bemoaning the fact that not even taxis are running in the evenings so they cannot attend evening meetings unless they ask a friend for lifts.

I have known a couple of people who drove when they were becoming confused but before their diagnosis of dementia. One, a neighbour, was obviously a danger to herself and others and did not even recognise her own car in a car park.
The other, a relative, was frightened after she ad an accident (no-one else involved) and decided to give up her car. There was a Dial a Ride service where she lived.

Nanna8 I hope someone was with your friend when she received her diagnosis and that she gets the support she needs. Our relative in Australia who has dementia was living in sheltered housing when she was diagnosed, having already moved from a rural location so transport, shopping etc were convenient and she was able to continue at home on her own for quite some time.

kittylester

But lots of villages and communities now have volunteer drivers or community buses.

Yes, my relative found that service very good, they would pick up in her road, then they had a couple of hours in town before taking them home again practically to the door.

I'm not sure what the situation is in Australia but I do remember our relative going on a bus to the nearby shopping centre - they'd all go off in a group from her sheltered housing complex.

Just remembered our local budgens laid on a bus every Thursday morning that went round the villages collecting people, took them to the shop and came back a couple of hours later. It was really well used.

Tesco do this where my mother-in-law lives kittylester.

I was 400 miles away and couldn’t stop her driving “just to the shops” but she was finally diagnosed when she became confused at a junction and pulled out in front of a motorbike.

Notice that nanna8.
That motorcyclist could have been killed, or seriously injured.

A friend of mine gave up driving in her mid 70s because she had twice realised she was pulling out to overtake without noticing there was something coming.

Hetty58

nanna8, these days, doctors seem obliged to tell everyone their diagnosis, with no attempted softening of the blow. I suppose we have a right to know and can plan accordingly.

I don't see why being without a car would require a house move, though. I've never had a car - and can always get a cab. You'd have to be out a lot to find it more expensive.

I’m not sure I understand this

Of course doctors have to tell people what’s wrong!

It’s not the drs fault that patients don’t have a support person with them

There are tactful and non-tactful ways of saying the same thing, tho.

I'm not sure how someone can't understand the need to be mindful when delivering life changing diagnoses.
It's common sense, surely?

Presumably not everyone is able to have anyone with them when being given a diagnosis.

It’s just as well my brother was with my mother when the GP gave her the Alzheimer’s diagnosis - as per my pp, she’d completely forgotten by the time she got home, and never did believe it if we tried to remind her - which we soon stopped, as pointless, and only made her cross.

It wasn’t ‘denial’ as such - I’m sure she genuinely thought there was nothing wrong with her, which I put down to the fact that at any given moment, she couldn’t remember that she couldn’t remember anything. (If that makes sense.).

FarNorth

There are tactful and non-tactful ways of saying the same thing, tho.

Yes, but some people don’t hear the truth if it’s softened too much

Others will say there was no softening, even if there was, if they don’t like the diagnosis.

I’d much rather a forthright doctor than one who doesn’t get the whole thing out to avoid causing me distress

I would too, Summerlove.