Portion sizes for a pre school child

Could you try allowing them to serve themselves?

I always hated how my Mother piled my plate up and I had to eat it all before I could leave the table. When I had my children they always served themselves from the dishes on the table.

Sounds like the parents make more than double what they eat. Skinny is good BTW. If they did baby led weaning then this could be the follow on from that. My DGC are slightly similar. Parents offer more and some is binned. I offer less and usually eaten. Can have more if they want but rarely do. All of us conform to no pudding if not enough is eaten from main course. DGD gets up at 6 so by teatime around 5.30 is tired and crochety especially on nursery days so battling with her is a hiding to nothing. She is 4. Her brother is almost 8. He now wolfs down most things and asks for more. He was like his sister till this year. I think it's just normal but depends a bit on upbringing. DSiL family pile stuff on plates then lots goes in bin. Our family put what we will eat on plates and generally finish it. Sometimes with young children you pick the battle! I think to keep the peace just do what the parents do. I have to say though DD2 works in CAMHS and since pandemic they are struggling with children and teenagers with anorexia - some critically ill. It is one way kids can can control something in their life when everything else has gone haywire - and it is not just teenagers. So when you have DGC pre-teens and older and their intake of food changes - be alert.

OP your approach sounds sensible to me. My mother always served big portions,which I tended to do as well. I have always struggled with my weight as have my daughters to a certain degree.
My eldest daughter has two boys aged 5 and nearly 3. She has always paid attention to a healthy diet. Her approach is the same as yours. The boys have healthy fresh meals in portions that initially to me seemed small,as do her portions for adult meals.
It was only after I changed my diet from plans where some foods are unlimited to a calorie controlled one I realised how big my portions were!
Dear GC do have treats occasionally but snacks between meals are not processed foods and they normally drink milk/ water.
They are happy,healthy and active and eat a varied diet.
Obesity is such a problem now and I think both my daughter and I want GC to have a healthy approach to eating. Food is an enjoyable social occasion but other ways are found for treats/ comfort.
Choice and individual taste are respected.
I do feel large portions of food and the constant opportunity to graze contribute to problems later on.

I agree totally with you OP. My own children, now well in their 40’s, were expected to not waste food, I served a reasonable amount and offered seconds if needed.

I do the same with the GC, sometimes ‘their eyes are bigger than their belly’, and they know they can have seconds if they finish what’s on their plates. As GS said once when he was younger ‘You don’t like waste do you Granny?’

I have three other GC in Australia, their mum, our DD, seemed to offer them far more at meals, plus snacks, and didn’t seem to mind if they wasted stuff. Think this stemmed from my Aussie SIL, who seemed to equate big meals with big, strong healthy kids, a rather macho image he rather liked.

But I think many parents nowadays pile up their children’s plates, then think nothing of scraping it in the bin.

I don't like waste, bit more to the point, I always think "Oh, I could have eaten that!"

Your approach sounds sensible to me, nansagem.

Yes I'm impressed by the way my GC start with reasonable portions and have a little extra if desired. My Mum was a full plates and 'eat it up or no pudding' person. Think I probably did overeat as a child but maybe it was healthier food in wartime. Can't remember much detail. We sure didn't do waste and I'm still of that ilk now.

I’m easily overfaced by a loaded plate as was one of our DDs-mealtimes we’re hard work. She doesn’t eat a lot now.
I can’t stand waste-I would be tempted, instead of binning food, to scrape it into a container to freeze for me for later!

My children and grandchildren always love/loved “ goody plates” it could be a boiled egg, carrot and cheese sticks, some prawns, apple slices, you get the idea!
Lots of different textures and flavours, really healthy and inexpensive.

We had those when we were skint.
All the leftover bits and bobs.

I agree smaller portions and seconds if wanted seems best way to go. I abhor waste.I dont think we should be encouraging children to overeat or praise them for empty plates- it gives the wrong message.

Could you just have a chat with the parents, saying " I love to see the children enjoying their food but woukd prefer not to waste food if they can't manage it. So I will serve smaller portions and add extra if they want seconds. That way anything left over can be frozen or rehashed for another time!"

That way everyone is clear that you are not depriving tge children, you are just ensuring no wastage

It's offputting to be faced with too much food.
I could never finish a full plate of food when I was a small child and remember everyone applauding the first time I ate up all my dinner (including sprouts).

Your approach seems sensible Nanagem

I find if some food is put on serving plates in the middle they tend to eat more, perhaps because they may be worried they may not get their fair share. Then offer more if it all goes.

I half remember one of those Supernanny type programmes where the children's reluctance to eat much was attributed to how much they were drinking and when. Perhaps that appetite spoiling line could be worth investigating?

We allowed my daughter to control how much she wanted on her plate when she was a toddler - still do now she’s ten actually. Eliminates waste and also allows toddlers the self control they are practising naturally.

That’s one thing I’ve found very difficult to watch with some of my own GC, Nanagem. The sheer waste! When my GC (aged 4 & 7) were staying with us over the summer we were filling the kitchen food waste bin up every day or day and a half. With all the emphasis now on climate change and so on, it absolutely grates with me.

I’ve learnt to deal with it by absenting myself at the children’s mealtimes. I don’t understand the need for constant snacks, especially the snack within half an hour of a meal being put on the table or a snack before going out for lunch in 30 minutes. Not only is most of the snack wasted, most of the lunch is uneaten, too. ?‍♀️

What you are asking is for the parents to stop parenting their way to satisfy your standards.

Kids eat way more than you think they do, according to their size.

Please enjoy their company instead of fixating on how you would do it vs their way

Thec point being made, (not fixated upon) is that the children aren't actually eating a lot.
They're leaving it.
And it's fine to discuss it here.

It is entirely reasonable for the OP to not want HER food that SHE has paid for wasted! She is not asking them to "parent differently", she is just saying she doesn't want her food wasted! Which is why a sensible conversation with the parents seems a good way forward!! Dear me!

So much food which is grown, produced and sold is wasted.

It seems terrible to me, when so many people are hungry, that others can discard it so carelessly.

This is quite a helpful link on portion sizes.

www.swft.nhs.uk/application/files/4314/7929/4203/Recommended_intake_and_portion_sizes_for_children_-_all_appendices_2016_FINAL.pdf

I would say your ideas on portion sizes are about right but maybe it's best to keep the peace for the sake of family harmony?

I think much can depend on whether they are having a growth spurt or not, too.

My GD (aged 9) has a very good appetite, eats pretty much anything and everything and always clears her plate. GS (aged 5) is a picky eater, changes his mind frequently as to what he likes and dislikes and rarely clears his plate unless he's going through a growth spurt. My solution is to put everything onto serving dishes and let them help themselves. I've found that what's left on the serving dishes at the end of the meal, usually gets picked off and eaten by them as they wander past through the kitchen later. And no; that doesn't bother me in the slightest.

MissAdventure @ 20.17, you're absolutely right.

Looking at my own DGC I think everyone seems to be different. One will eat a big 'sit down' meal with no snacks between. Another seems to like little and often (usually healthy) and will leave half a normal meal. Then the one who eats big meals and is constantly hungry and snacking, including 'rubbish'. Plus the other who leaves most of their food at mealtimes and rarely snacks. All of them seem to be normal weight for their height.