getting a social life

Madashell Thank you. I had depression before the stroke (been on antidepressants for years) but it's worse now - although I don't tell doctors. I think the bad weather, dark evenings, don't help. I'll sort myself out

I'll certainly look at the various suggestions some of you have made. Thanks for that.

Madashell I went to a stroke club, and although it seemed really friendly, there was only one person there who had made a recovery as I have. The others were all obviously disabled - and in their 80s and 90s. I chatted with a lot of them, but it really wasn't for me. It's probably a psychological thing, but I don't want having a stroke to define me. To look at me, nobody would know (apart from later in the day when my brain is tired, then I slur a little bit)

Just after I retired I volunteered to read with children at a primary school. I was not one of the teachers and they completely ignored me. They didn't even tell where the break room was to get tea or coffee. I had to ask where everyone was going and they didn't try to include me in any way. I felt uncomfortable so didn't stay long.

My London Meetup group do lots of walks, not sure where you are based but might be of interest.

Not so much meeting people but the website www,heygo.com will easily fill a few hours and can be fascinating. Just look at the calendar. Someone will give a 45 minute / 1 hour live stream tour of a place of interest. I spent a Sunday morning in Florence, an afternoon in Dubrovnic. Today at 6pm is Zagreb, Croatia - has been voted best European Christmas Market - I spent Christmas there a few years ago. There's a chat board to ask questions, and you can tip your host if you enjoy the tour. It's engaging with other people without leaving home ...

I live on my own now and joined a Knit and Natter group. Most are over 60, but not all. I don't knit very well, but that doesn't matter, it's the company I enjoy.

HowVeryDareYou - A really interesting post, as someone who has struggled throughout life to fit in anywhere or find a genuine friend I can see there are things I might try. I understand that after a stroke depression is very common - is there a Stroke Club in your area? Just to talk to other people who have been through it may help you to cope better. It sounds like you need a bit of TLC and understanding before volunteering to help others. All the best with your recovery.

I joined the U3A and there are some interesting groups. But I have always been the youngest (68 now) and most of the people while perfectly nice are a bit staid. I need to be able to laugh and be silly and swear if I want to! I would love to meet more fun loving spontaneous people. Age is irrelevant it’s their outlook on life. I’m moving to a retirement flat next week and I’m sure I’ll be the youngest there but I’m also sure there will be some young at heart inmates! I have just joined a new choir where I am moving to and there is a good mix of ages there, but am a bit stressed as I’m a shy introvert. Not easy to make friends.

It is very difficult in these times!

As someone else has mentioned, I joined a WI, ladies of all ages and break away groups like book clubs, craft groups etc

I worked with a large charity for the "elderly" and helped run the social groups which were hugely popular and full of fun. We loved it when ladies and gents joined the group who were on the younger side of retirement (i.e 55- 70 ish) as they had so much to offer the other members. A lot of them became involved with the actual activities and with the practical parts of running the group, refreshments, bingo, raffles, setting quizzes and games up, whilst many of them just loved to join in and chat with the older members. Great memories.

Hi, How Very Dare You, just to let you know that feeling v emotional or get tired after a stroke is very normal. I had one when I was 54. If you’re on Facebook, there’s a closed group called Different Strokes (you have to apply to join) but it’s for younger stroke survivors and is full of good advice. Good luck with your recovery xx

A lot of organisations have tightened up considerably.

I enquired about listening to children read, having done so for years when my children were younger. I completed a long application form and was then told I had to attend a six week training course which would require two bus changes.

Try your local WI and/or U3A as the different groups vary considerably. First WI I attended had little groups fighting each other (verbal not physical).

The nearest U3A is all teacher/eduction and can be appallingly rude and insensitive. Tried to sit in three different seats and told very abruptly “you can’t sit here”. They were being saved for friends. Really felt for a recently widowed lady who was treated like this as well. Why not rope off the first two rows of seats for the committee if they don’t want newbies sitting near them.

I’ve been told that the U3A about 3 miles away is much more welcoming and friendly and open to all. Once I get over this health blip I’ll give them a try.

Good luck and persevere til you find the right group or organization.

i also had a stroke three years ago at 64 so now how you are feeling. I joined the U3A so go along and nobody knows that I have been ill so treated 'normally'. All sorts of groups as well. I also arrange ladies that lunch once a month as gradually friends are retiring so as each one retires the group gows

I used to be a member of the Townswomen's Guild. They are a friendly bunch of ladies. Although the meetings may be in the evening there are often daytime events.

Howverydareyou.

To reiterate what others have suggested do give the U3a a try.

Pre-Covid, I had a block of time in the week filled, with two consecutive days of voluntary work on Tuesdays and Wednesdays , bookended by choirs on Monday and Wednesday evenings. By Thursday I was ready for unstructured time and appreciated it all the more. It is a matter of balance and finding out what there is and what suits you. Hopefully along the way, you will meet some congenial people. Voluntary work can often lead to paid employment too.

Try marshaling at a park run. I'm busy so don't but my friend did, and she made a shedload of friends.
Good luck! xx
Ps. Where in the UK are you? Maybe some GNs will meet up with you.

What are your hobbies knitting painting dancing etc join one of them groups or just join one anyway you might enjoy it. That’s what my mum did after my dad died and she found herself lonely. She joined a painting class and she hadn’t done it before. She enjoyed it then she joined others and met lots of different ppl. As my dad always used to say you always have room for new friends.

Peasblossom

Volunteer to hear reading in a School? Not too strenuous and a lot of fun.

You get roped in for other stuff as well.

You might even find work as a Classroom Assistant. ?

Ideal for all except those who left teaching early burned out with STRESS. The little darlings are not always so and teaching reading is best left to the experts who know all the techniques and terms used. You might get a job washing out paint pots or sharpening pencils!!!!!! Classroom assistants these days do or should do training courses.

Hi Howverydareyou, sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Some good suggestions been made. Have just had a look at meetup.com. looks very interesting with various groups throughout different areas and for different age groups. Worth a look and you can even set up your own group!! Take the plunge!! Wishing you well xxx

When I was your age I joined WRVS and helped out delivering lunches for the housebound or helped to serve and wash dishes for the day centre lunch clubs. I used to take people to hospital appointments too also dentists DRS and out for shopping or just to the local park cafe for a cup of tea. I met lots of lovely people who needed some company too.

Often the WI groups who have evening meetings have sub groups that meet during the day.

I was also going to say meetup groups. Things like 'walking for health' are usually good fun. Try googling things like pottery or philosophy classes, charity shop or refugee support or foodbank volunteering, or whatever floats your boat, things that are often happening in the daytime

Search on Facebook for "Friendship groups near me", also join your local meetup group. Usually a variety of things to do such as coffee mornings, lunches etc

Meetup.com are lots of completely independent social groups. Around here they have all started up and I had a really pleasant walk and meal with one of them the other day. Don't know what is available in your area but it is definitely worth looking at.