Its all OK…….for now. Do we ever stop worrying about our AC?

I'm just trying to explain to my daughter in law who is a new mum that the worry never ever stops - its how you deal with it that counts. It can at times consume you but that isn't helpful. Only worry if by doing so you can come up with advice or practical help that the AC will find useful - otherwise try to relax and take life as it comes. Oh, and always be there for them to turn to if they need you.

Thank you Sago, that’s a heartwarming story .

I remember my mother saying to me after having my first baby that once you are a mother your life will never be the same again. She was referring to the worry. So right.

This is just so true, I am now worrying about my lovely granddaughter as well as my daughter ?

Treatment not treated.

I have a good memory Chew. I took particular interest in that story and was sad that the poster was saying she wouldn’t have chemo because of the relationship with the daughter which had its roots in abuse. I and others told her she should have treated and I have included her in my prayers as I said. Now I don’t know how she is so asked her.

Do you keep a written running inventory of what GNetters post Germanshepherdsmum or do you just have an excellent memory? You've pulled a couple of posters up lately to challenge them on what they've said previously and it makes for uncomfortable reading.

That’s a horrible story lollipop but not the same as I remember you telling before, which involved your daughter having been abused. You were then talking about threatening not to have chemo. As I have prayed for your recovery from the cancer every night since then (as I pray for several on GN with ill health or serious problems) I would like to know how your cancer is please as you don’t mention it.

Lollipoplove
What an awful situation and what a manipulative person he sounds.
He shows all the signs of a narcissist imo .

We have had so many problems with our two- mostly with our son that hubby and I often say that we're afraid to be happy ourselves. Whenever we think that things are settling down, something else comes along to knock us down. The latest is our son and wife splitting up after being together for 24 years. He has left with literally half a bin bag full of clothes!!

I need to add that I absolutely adore my granddaughters. I love my daughters- don't get me wrong - but the granddaughters - wow, I adore them!

My granddaughters are teens and I think I probably worry more about them than I worried about my daughters. They live about 1000 km from me and I don't even have the ILLUSION that I have a lot of influence on their lives. We talk, we text, we occasionally zoom but I don't see them as often as I'd like. Covid happened shortly after I retired and like many other grandparents, it's meant flying to see them has been difficult. So yeah, I worry about them and my daughters. And for me, the adage that you are only as happy as your least happy child (and grandchild) is true. I would never have thought this about myself 40 yr ago.

My heart goes out to MaryXYX why on earth would they tell your GC that?

So sorry for such a long text

My relationship with my D & my SIN is very up & down when it’s good it’s wonderful when it’s bad it’s awful. It’s usually better when I’m dishing out money. My SIN had never in 14 yrs paid for a meal while iv been there it’s always down to me. I always have to buy the GC their main presents ( £200 -£500) it’s just expected but that’s when I was working I tried to explain to my D. She went through the worst ever teenager years I had a breakdown went from a size 10 to a baggy size 6. She’s never apologised But the neither here or there.
This year they said they were having just the 4 of them for Christmas Parents & 2 kids ( still expecting me to buy my Daughter & the GC their main presents). So I took them out for a ore Christmas dinner over £200. We had a few words & my Daughter told me that my SIL D & his Niece her parter their 2 children & his sister were all told to lie to me as they were always spending Christmas together. I was shocked Dumbfounded & lost any respect I had left for my SIL. And very hurt by all the others who looked me on the eye saying. What they would be doing as they weren’t invited to my D & SIL home.

I asked why what have I done wrong. All I got back is my Husband hates you!!

Iv been invited to go abroad this year.
I paid for everyone above to go away this year. I feel so hurt. Yet my Daughter has blamed it on me?! Saying my SIL hate me. We moved 200 miles due to me being headhunted I didn’t know my Daughters boyfriend they’d been together 3 months ( Husband now) but he was in debt so I paid that off I put a roof over his head clothes food. The only reason I can have fir this is what I wished I had never told my Daughter but when you have your SIL shouting in your face that you could feel the spit from his mouth on my face, I literally thought he was going to hit me. I looked at my Daughter for help but she just smirked. So I told her the truth a couple of years back he got in bed with me ( he was highly intoxicated I was sober) he hugged & kissed my head I told him numerous times to get out but he wouldn’t until I shouted my Daughter name. He also has form with a couple of her friends. I wish with all my heart I could take it back because she believes him or says she does And he hates me for it & will never stop It has ruined our relationship. I despise him but have had to put up with him for my D & GC sake. But he’s an evil man
I’m now Disabled they do nothing for me except ask for expensive things I can no longer afford so I see myself in the near future being phased out of their lives. At least my GC live me. Xx

I'm not a worrier and they are well adjusted happy adults

I once read the wise words .. you are only ever as happy as your unhappiest child.

You never stop worrying but you can create your own life to the point that you have "healthy" worrying. It's natural to feel some anxiety over adult children but you have to tell yourself "I've done my job well, they are no longer in my control" say a prayer and get on with what makes you happy. It's a process, and I was a major worry wart but now I've turned it over to a higher power, He can do a better job than I can plus I've got a lot of living to do for me! Develop your own activities, say a prayer and go to sleep, they're grown up and worrying will only bring negative energy to you....take care of yourself first, you've earned the right to be happy and worry free, they make their own decisions so please take care of yourself first!

I don’t think I’ll ever stop worrying. I think that part of loving and wanting the best for them. I had a sleepless night last night worrying about my daughter and grandson. Sadly don’t think it a quick fix issue.

You never stop worrying about them ever.
I remember some of the words from a hymn from my childhood ;
''Can a mother's tender care cease towards the child she bear?''

In answer to your question- quite simply - No !…..

Pleased for you that all turned out well for your family. No, never stop worrying, just the slightest hint of a problem and overload of worrying sets in.

No you never stop sporting. My dd has caused me nothing but worry, panic attacks and a huge strain on my finances. ( father not interested) she’s now over 30 and after 3 children who I have babysat, looked after while her n partner go on hol several times and take out regularly. She now decided she wants nothing more to do with me and she’s withholding any relationship I have had with the children too.

I'm not very religious, but I do pray for our AC and GC. There is almost always something big or small to be concerned about. I'm supportive and since they live fairly close, I help with childcare except for right now with Omicron raging. I often have to bite my tongue to not give unasked for advice, so my tongue can get pretty sore at times. I'm grateful that ACs are good people with good character, but who knows, they might be robbing a bank at this very moment! Ha!

MaryXYX

“At least half of my children have told their children I died”
Oh my goodness
I can’t let this just pass by.
I’m so sorry you are in this situation Mary.
My answer- l never stop worrying- it’s now transferred to my Grandchildren. Tis true, you can never be happy unless your children are ok x

I've never stopped worrying about my DC, even though theyve never given me cause to. And now that they're married and have children of their own, I worry about them too. It comes with the territory I think.

I tend to worry in patches. Some sort of esp kicks in and I feel anxious about one or the other and send a text or phone up. Normally they phone me on a regular basis - once a week or when we need to make contact about a particular issue. I really don't want to turn into my mother who worried about me constantly and made me feel rather inadequate. She had to know where I was at all times.
Recently my eldest grandson was very ill ( much improved now ) and my daughter rang me in floods. I was worried about my grandson, of course, but realised that my main focus of concern was my daughter and that I had to do my best to prop her up and be there for her to off load. I was a link in the worry chain.
Not knowing makes any situation worse. Communication is all I think.