Is marriage hard work?

Yes, marriage is hard work and requires compromises from each other. Also acceptance of each others faults.

nexus63

i had 18 years with my husband before he died and i was widowed at 39, i was his carer for 7 years before he died, we had lots of great days but also bad times as my son was still young at the time and i could not always give my time to both of them. any relationship is hard work at times but the benefits can be fantastic, i never thought i would find someone else but i did and we had 18 years together until he died last year. i will be 59 this year and have decided i can't face loosing another partner/husband again so will stay on my own. people have to decide if they are willing to work at the relationship, if not it's over and will probably just get worse.

That’s very hard, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of nearly 40 years almost five years ago. At the time I just wanted to die with him. Am now in a new relationship - getting hitched later this year in my early sixties. I’ve gone into my ‘second crack at life’ with eyes wide open and vowed never to take anything or anyone for granted ever again - like you, having experienced the loss, I never want to go through that again, and yet here I am about to put myself out there again.

Pammie1

Noreen3

It's better to be in a marriage that is hard work than to be a widow,that really is hard work.

Widowed nearly five years ago after nearly 4 years together. I wholeheartedly agree. I’m now in another relationship, but the sadness is still there deep down and sometimes the grief can still overwhelm me momentarily. It changes your life and you’re never the same person.

Sorry, that should have read 40 years together, not 4 !!

Everything Grammaretto said.

God yes, hard work every day.

I am amazed that anyone can think any marriage can be easy all the time. People only live happily ever after in fairy tales.

I have been married 54 years and during that time we have individually and together faced all kinds of changes and cataastrophes, Changes and catastrophes that can change a person temporarily or for life, or cause mental health problems. There have been times when marriage has been hard work, but not all the time and when they are overcome our relationship is stronger because we know we can overcome problems.

It also helps to remember is that how ever faulty you see your other half, you are probably every bit as difficult to live with.

i must say, looking back over our 54 years together, i have never regretted marrying DH, although there have been occasions when I contemplated murdering him, but never considered divorce.

Very hard work. If I could go back in time I would definitely be on my own and be the person I would prefer to be.....

Mine is!?

With the wrong one it’s not hard it’s arduous, with the right one it’s easy, things fall in to place but we all have our moments.

Yes, it is hard work.

I think some marriages can be very hard work, but by no means all. I observed my mother making all the effort with my father, giving and giving. He loved her, I’m sure, but expected her to defer to his wishes and make most of the concessions he asked for. In contrast, I saw my in-laws working as a well balanced, happy and loving team which impressed me hugely and I hoped would serve as a good example to their son, which it most certainly did not. He became more demanding and more selfish as he grew older and eventually completely uninterested in our relationship no matter what efforts I made. Certainly that was too hard for me and I am now peacefully alone. A little like GagaJo here, I feel no longer capable of giving my love, my care and my time any longer.

I think life is hard work. Marriage is a part of life. Sometimes it will be challenging. Just like a job will, having children will, etc.

IMO, the first 10 years with young kids was hard work. Now at 20 years with teens, marriage is no longer hard, kids are. That may change when they teens leave home.

All relationships require mutual commitment, communication and compromise. Plus respect and patience. If that is not there, it will be harder than it should be.

No relationship should be hard work. You need to work at it, yes, but it shouldn’t be hard.

My DD had a number of relationships before she met my SiL and they were hard work one way or another. It was when she met her DH she told me that she hadn’t realised that a good relationship was so easy.

As some one said making a marriage work should be fun.

i had 18 years with my husband before he died and i was widowed at 39, i was his carer for 7 years before he died, we had lots of great days but also bad times as my son was still young at the time and i could not always give my time to both of them. any relationship is hard work at times but the benefits can be fantastic, i never thought i would find someone else but i did and we had 18 years together until he died last year. i will be 59 this year and have decided i can't face loosing another partner/husband again so will stay on my own. people have to decide if they are willing to work at the relationship, if not it's over and will probably just get worse.

I think it's fine to be happily (mostly) married. Also fine to be happily alone. I think I'd rather be unhappily alone than unhappily married though. Someone else making you miserable must be hell.

I am sorry that some of you find marriage hard work but I don't think it should be hard work.

I think I must have chosen well - I hope dh thinks so as well!!

I agree- anything worthwhile requires hard work at times.
I have been married for 40 years and think I have been very fortunate.

Yes, but that’s life, everything is hard work if you want to succeed!

I’m in my 2nd marriage and my answer to this is yes, marriage can be hard but should not be hard all the time. The big thing I noticed when I moved out of marriage number 1 and eventually found marriage number 2 was how easy marriage could in fact be. ?

My first marriage was b….y hard work, he acted like a single person and when home it was like having three children. With my second husband it is totally different, we have much in common and the same outlook on life. He had never been married before and had no children but accepted mine in a way that they treat him as dad. We have an equal partnership, both doing the housework, ironing our own clothes and just getting on with doing what’s needed without asking. We have some wonderful days out, this week we have been out four days in a row and just enjoy life together. If we want to do something independently then that’s ok, just do it. No I think if you are with the right person, who is a friend and a lover then it’s not hard work.

I found the early years of marriage very hard work. I had just graduated and found starting my career, setting up a home, adjusting to my husband's foibles and the frequency at which he wanted sex, very hard work. But with a bit of give and take it became easier and the pleasure we got from being together outweighed the effort involved. We both take our marriage vows seriously so divorce was never an option. I'm glad we worked at it as we are both now thoroughly enjoying being retired and spending more time together.

Seems I'm unusual here, but I don't regard marriage as hard work. We've been together for more than 50 years, married for four less, and just get on - though we both have the odd squabble and sulk. We've certainly had the odd rough patch, but I don't regard our marriage as a constant trial, as some seem to. Of course that may change if one of us gets dementia, but we've seen each other through good times and bad times, good health and ill-health and are basically the best of friends.

All relationships require work to sustain them and this applies whether they be kinship, friendship or romantic (I'm including marriage here). The big question is whether one gets out what one puts in and if the equation becomes unbalanced then they do all become hard work but if people were to communicate better before entering one of these and say what each expects and is prepared to bring, then the give and take element definitely reduces the aggravation potential.

I walked out of a marriage as I tried everything to keep my ex happy, but he still shouted, went with other women and treated me like dirt. The times I heard I'm sorry I'll not do it again, it was just words, he didn't mean it.
That marriage was hard work and I'll never do it again, I left him 12 years ago and haven't even been on a date, I'm just not interested. I've found life a lot easier on my own, the freedom to come and go as I please and have money of my own without being being questioned why I needed it. Life is far better now with just me and my dog.

The hardest part of 52 years of marriage has been locked in with COVID.