My grandchild came out as transgender

snowberryZ

I'm pleased that people are being supportive.
But, I find it worrying that this is happening in such vast numbers and people aren't questioning things more.

You have to ask yourself, would the child be so quick to transition if:-

a) they lived on a remote Scottish Ireland with no Internet access.
b) this was 50 years ago.

The answer would be - very unlikely!

I'm so pleased my children grew up in an era when the Internet was in its infancy and they didn't have people coming into their schools and filling their young, highly impressionable minds with all sorts of confusing things
I feel that we're failing in our protection of children at the moment.
What's that saying?
Leave them kids alone.

Quite possibly, 50 years ago, on a remote island this wouldn't be happening. Externally. Because the fear of ostracism, rejection and violence would be so great the individual would be too scared.

Is that what we want? People to conform out of fear? Doesn't sound like a great place to live.

Teagirl 1960. This is a massive deal for your GC and your family. I. Can recognize your distress , you say you are not coping - but believe me you will ! It is hard to readjust your feelings and if this situation continues you will grieve for the GS you thought you had. However remember your GC is still the same GC and right now needs your love and support. Please go with the flow and simply show your love. In time you will come to terms with what is happening , I know it is a huge shock ( in the literal sense of the word) but those emotions will pass and the love you have will see you through and your GC will love and respect you for simply being there. Sending ' hugs' ??

Questioning is not the same as criticism.

As for 'accepting change'
Not all change is good.

Same as being a good parent or grandparent isn't always about saying Yes.

We all have our opinions.

My granddaughter has said the same, she has changed her name too. Im not sure that in her case it is a phase but whatever it is certainly how she feels right now. She might wish to change but she is still my lovely grandchild!

snowberryZ

I'm pleased that people are being supportive.
But, I find it worrying that this is happening in such vast numbers and people aren't questioning things more.

You have to ask yourself, would the child be so quick to transition if:-

a) they lived on a remote Scottish Ireland with no Internet access.
b) this was 50 years ago.

The answer would be - very unlikely!

I'm so pleased my children grew up in an era when the Internet was in its infancy and they didn't have people coming into their schools and filling their young, highly impressionable minds with all sorts of confusing things
I feel that we're failing in our protection of children at the moment.
What's that saying?
Leave them kids alone.

snowberryZ: change is always scary and it's fine to be worried. But we shouldn't pass our worries onto the younger generation, we should simply offer them love and support
I prefer
^Don't criticise what you can't understand.
Your sons and your daughters are beyond your command
For the times they are a-changin'^

*Island not Ireland

I'm pleased that people are being supportive.
But, I find it worrying that this is happening in such vast numbers and people aren't questioning things more.

You have to ask yourself, would the child be so quick to transition if:-

a) they lived on a remote Scottish Ireland with no Internet access.
b) this was 50 years ago.

The answer would be - very unlikely!

I'm so pleased my children grew up in an era when the Internet was in its infancy and they didn't have people coming into their schools and filling their young, highly impressionable minds with all sorts of confusing things
I feel that we're failing in our protection of children at the moment.
What's that saying?
Leave them kids alone.

Would it be helpful to recommend some books etc?

Still your lovely grandchild. Support as much as you can, it was a brave step. I hope she waits before surgery if she is going down that path. I have a friend whose grandchild has been trans many years but didn’t want any operations.

i worked for a lady in her own home and became good friends with her son, i knew he was keeping some things to himself but it was not my place to pry, he sat me down and told me he was going to become a girl, all i said was okay, we told his mum together and she was great about it. that was 12 years ago and she has had all her ops and has been living happily with her partner for several years. they are still your grandchild but now you have a grandaughter. just accept it and let them work out what is best for them, please don't push them away or change your attitude towards them, let them know that you love them regardless of being a boy or girl.

I feel for you , this is a massive shock for you but I doubt it is a phase. My family is going through the same thing , a close relative has declared she is a he. Aged 14 and now has a boys name. The whole family did not see it coming!! but have all been supportive. No treatment has been started but he is happy that we are all supporting him. Teagirl1960 , just do what you always have done - keep loving her and show your love even if you are devasted. You say you are not coping but trust me you will find the strength to cope ! Remember she is the same person and will always be your much loved grandchild. Trans people have always been here but are now able to be honest so we should be happy that is the case. Apparently
there is now a big increase in teenagers wishing to transition. I wish you and your family well and send you lots of ' hugs ' and hope all the support you receive on GN will help you navigate this situation - you will be ok ! ??

I agree with everyone who has said how supportive this thread is. It's lovely. Shows GN at its best.

I have no experience of this. Just be there for them, they will always be your grandchild.

Lovely supportive thread. I work in education in a specialised roll and 13 year olds questioning their sexuality is no new thing. It just seems there are more options and openness these days.

I find that accepting and supporting your grandchild’s choices whatever they may be at this time will bring massive rewards for both of you in the future. You obviously care. Now show her how much. ?

My ex husband is trans and he came out about 8 years ago in his 50s.
Sorry, but I very much doubt if it's a "phase" Why would it be?
So many that trans later in life have said that they knew they were classed as the wrong sex for them from quite a young age but then go on to have to live half a very fake life for years.
You haven't sid how old your GC is, but please get you current attitude out of your head! Would you say the same thing if he wanted to change his religion ?
What he needs now is for everyone to accept how he feels and support him along his next journey - he will have to undergo a lot of counselling and also hormone therapy in the years to come way before any surgery happens it's not something that will happen overnight or in weeks or even months.
There will be a part of you that will be feeling very sad that your GC will be going through these changes , and you need to be able to grieve for your expectations. Please continue to love them and support them as well as keeping your thoughts hidden. They have a long and difficult path to follow and she needs support from granny !

I don't think they should have surgery down below until they are absolutely sure .
By keeping their male genitalia,at least if they change their mind, they can at least go back to being male if they want to.

What a lovely supportive thread. I agree with everyone and send my best wishes and congratulations to all who are managing these family events with love and support. You are doing a great job.

There are some beautiful comments on this thread that give me hope where I had lost some

She'll be feeling better now people know, as long as they're supportive and accepting of her. It will have been stressful for her, while it was a secret.

I agree with everyone else. Accept and love her as she is. Thirteen is very young and things may change. Try not to worry about the future, there are support groups who can help I'm sure.

Teagirl1960, how to cope? Just accept, completely, anyone's gender - as they currently identify, that's all.

PurpleStar, I could not better your advice. My brother is now my sister. It takes a lot of courage to make such an announcement and change. Just be there, accept her. She is still your grandchild.

Teagirl1960 I do have a little experience in this department.My Son is Transgender (FTM) and has had surgery and hormone treatment.When he 1st told us,none of the family could understand it or saw it coming.Obviously at first we were shocked but quickly became very protective.My advice now 6 years on is to liston,really liston to how they feel,be there and supportive,use the new pronouns and name that they have chosen The "he,she" is very difficult at first so I used my Sons new name when I was referring to him in conversations.The world is a more supportive place for the Transgender community now,granted not everyone is kind.Schools are also supportive now.Try to think about how difficult it must have been for your Granddaughter to have said how she feels to everyone.We thought some family members and friends might have been unsupportive,but turns out they just took it in their stride,likewise our little neices,overthinking doesn't help.I know it's come as a shock,but the journey for a TG person isn't a quick an easy one.Intensive therapy happens and then they get assessed before any hormones are prescribed.The 1st stage took 2 years for my son.Things won't happen quickly for your GD so please don't over analyse and just be there for Leah and her family

Why are you worried about body harm? Nothing can be done, if you're talking about operations, until quite some distance in the future!
There's counselling first, to see if that's what she really wants, and then medication to take to change her voice, encourage bust growth, discourage facial hair growth etc before an op will take place, so there's plenty of time for her to definitely make up her mind and for you to get used to the idea!
In the meantime, you could both enjoy shopping trips, Covid permitted, and you can learn together about what she likes and what she expects from you - love and hugs to start with, and understanding as you go on!
You're gaining a granddaughter, and my best wishes for her!!

We all know teenagers go through various phases and this may be just such one. Whether they're goth, punks or transgender just ride the roller coaster and wait for it to come back down, which it probably will if you make no fuss at all. Arguments or disapproval may just make their new identity more ingrained and difficult to shed when they feel ready to move on and discard whatever guise they have adopted.