My grandchild came out as transgender

Be a sympathetic ear. It's a very hard thing for him to have done. She's the same person she always was but it's good she's felt able to be honest with everyone.

Be very careful not to let her know your doubts. It could damage your relationship with her. It's called deadnaming/dead gendering and is very hurtful.

*her

Didn't want to read & run.
No experience, - as a grandmother, just love them.

Thank you. I'm just worried about deliberate body harm then regrets

Also she is very young - only 13

How lovely Ro60. Definitely.

The wait for seeing a consultant currently stands at about 5 years in the UK Teagirl1960. Not a good thing, but at least will put your mind at rest in that respect.

What gagajo said

She is the same person she was before announcing being trans

Ro60 I agree with you, the Gospels and Beatles..”Love is all you need!”
Too simplistic, I know but faced with the complexities of puberty and gender identity surly listening, understanding and support are the foundations of love for our grandchildren, and indeed, anybody else’s offspring!

Personally I would make no big thing of it ….my friends daughter around the age of your granddaughter decided she was a male, she dressed like a boy,chose a new name and told everyone she was transitioning to a male, move forward 5 years and she’s very much a girl again for her it was a phase maybe it will be with your granddaughter or it may be that he is generally going to change
See how it goes and try not to worry too much There won’t be any surgery until the doctors have throughly gone over it with him for a length of time

Sorry grandson not granddaughter …need an edit button. Hint hint ??‍♂️

I think we just accept them as they say they are. Time will tell. Actually I don’t think it is something for grandparents to pass comment on, unless invited to do so.

Just carry on as normal using your grandchild's preferred name and pronouns. They are still the same person and your love and support will mean so much to them

We all know teenagers go through various phases and this may be just such one. Whether they're goth, punks or transgender just ride the roller coaster and wait for it to come back down, which it probably will if you make no fuss at all. Arguments or disapproval may just make their new identity more ingrained and difficult to shed when they feel ready to move on and discard whatever guise they have adopted.

Why are you worried about body harm? Nothing can be done, if you're talking about operations, until quite some distance in the future!
There's counselling first, to see if that's what she really wants, and then medication to take to change her voice, encourage bust growth, discourage facial hair growth etc before an op will take place, so there's plenty of time for her to definitely make up her mind and for you to get used to the idea!
In the meantime, you could both enjoy shopping trips, Covid permitted, and you can learn together about what she likes and what she expects from you - love and hugs to start with, and understanding as you go on!
You're gaining a granddaughter, and my best wishes for her!!

Teagirl1960 I do have a little experience in this department.My Son is Transgender (FTM) and has had surgery and hormone treatment.When he 1st told us,none of the family could understand it or saw it coming.Obviously at first we were shocked but quickly became very protective.My advice now 6 years on is to liston,really liston to how they feel,be there and supportive,use the new pronouns and name that they have chosen The "he,she" is very difficult at first so I used my Sons new name when I was referring to him in conversations.The world is a more supportive place for the Transgender community now,granted not everyone is kind.Schools are also supportive now.Try to think about how difficult it must have been for your Granddaughter to have said how she feels to everyone.We thought some family members and friends might have been unsupportive,but turns out they just took it in their stride,likewise our little neices,overthinking doesn't help.I know it's come as a shock,but the journey for a TG person isn't a quick an easy one.Intensive therapy happens and then they get assessed before any hormones are prescribed.The 1st stage took 2 years for my son.Things won't happen quickly for your GD so please don't over analyse and just be there for Leah and her family

PurpleStar, I could not better your advice. My brother is now my sister. It takes a lot of courage to make such an announcement and change. Just be there, accept her. She is still your grandchild.

Teagirl1960, how to cope? Just accept, completely, anyone's gender - as they currently identify, that's all.

I agree with everyone else. Accept and love her as she is. Thirteen is very young and things may change. Try not to worry about the future, there are support groups who can help I'm sure.

She'll be feeling better now people know, as long as they're supportive and accepting of her. It will have been stressful for her, while it was a secret.

There are some beautiful comments on this thread that give me hope where I had lost some

What a lovely supportive thread. I agree with everyone and send my best wishes and congratulations to all who are managing these family events with love and support. You are doing a great job.

I don't think they should have surgery down below until they are absolutely sure .
By keeping their male genitalia,at least if they change their mind, they can at least go back to being male if they want to.

My ex husband is trans and he came out about 8 years ago in his 50s.
Sorry, but I very much doubt if it's a "phase" Why would it be?
So many that trans later in life have said that they knew they were classed as the wrong sex for them from quite a young age but then go on to have to live half a very fake life for years.
You haven't sid how old your GC is, but please get you current attitude out of your head! Would you say the same thing if he wanted to change his religion ?
What he needs now is for everyone to accept how he feels and support him along his next journey - he will have to undergo a lot of counselling and also hormone therapy in the years to come way before any surgery happens it's not something that will happen overnight or in weeks or even months.
There will be a part of you that will be feeling very sad that your GC will be going through these changes , and you need to be able to grieve for your expectations. Please continue to love them and support them as well as keeping your thoughts hidden. They have a long and difficult path to follow and she needs support from granny !

Lovely supportive thread. I work in education in a specialised roll and 13 year olds questioning their sexuality is no new thing. It just seems there are more options and openness these days.

I find that accepting and supporting your grandchild’s choices whatever they may be at this time will bring massive rewards for both of you in the future. You obviously care. Now show her how much. ?