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Can anyone make me feel more comfortable?

(51 Posts)
Aveline Sat 22-Jan-22 09:42:41

My niece and god daughter has just let me know that, while on a visit to her boyfriend's family in Egypt, she's marrying him in a Muslim ceremony. She met him working in England. I know I should be thinking, 'as long as she's happy etc' but I just feel worried. What rights will she have, what about any children, basically how safe is she under Sharia law etc etc? It's not so much the religious but the cultural aspects that worries me. I just don't feel comfortable about it all. Can anyone share good news stories about such marriages?

glammanana Sat 22-Jan-22 09:53:47

Aveline How long has she known her fiance have you met him when he was over here ? Are any of her family going to the wedding ?
I think as long as her parents are happy and she is happy you should not worry,he is obviously aware of how your niece has been raised and will respect her views.Are they planning on living in UK or Egypt ?
My DDs friend married an Egyptian 18yrs ago and they are very happy they did however move to UK six months after the wedding and he now has British Citizenship their 2 children have dual passports.
I hope things work out well for them.

Riverwalk Sat 22-Jan-22 09:56:53

An Irish colleague has been married to her Egyptian husband for over 40 years - all three adult children are high-flying professionals.

And Bill Gates' daughter has just married an Egyptian!

As ever, it all depends on the man.

dragonfly46 Sat 22-Jan-22 09:58:36

Maybe they are planning another ceremony over here when they get back and just wanted his family to see his wedding. I wouldn't be overly worried at this stage.

Aveline Sat 22-Jan-22 10:03:53

Thanks all. Her Dad died years ago. Her Mum not very happy but nothing much she can do about it. Niece is old enough to make own decisions and left home years ago. I just have to work out my misgivings in order to present the most supportive face I can when they come back. They are returning to UK.

annsixty Sat 22-Jan-22 10:30:13

My D’s friend married an Egyptian more than 30 years ago now.
The only difficulty was when they lived for a time in a European capital city, very intolerant, although she has a very fair complexion, she was treated very badly when she said her married name.
She soon learned to use her maiden name in certain situations.

Germanshepherdsmum Sat 22-Jan-22 10:52:51

Will UK law recognise the marriage? I have no idea. If not they would need to marry again here.

GagaJo Sat 22-Jan-22 11:14:55

If they are planning to return to the UK to live (is that the case?) I wouldn't worry too much.

Aveline Sat 22-Jan-22 12:10:01

Good point about the married name annsixty. It shouldn't affect how people react but it does.
They are returning here GagaJo. Will just have to hope for the best.

GagaJo Sat 22-Jan-22 12:31:06

I've got quite a few Muslim friends and colleagues. They're no different to us. To be honest, I've felt more differences between evangelical Christians I've had relationships with. We all have 'private' aspects to our lives.

If your neice has been dating her BF, he can't be a very strict Muslim, or his family would have either found him a wife, or had him use a marriage agency. If he's dating in the usual way in the UK (premarital sex etc), he sounds very western, meaning there probably aren't that many differences. None of the Muslims I know have that kind of premarital freedom.

kittylester Sat 22-Jan-22 12:32:08

I will just mention my friend who had a less than good experience married to a muslim who was lovely and tolerant of the country in which he had chosen to live until he fell under the influence of a much more fundamentalist Imam when they moved house.

My friend and their children had a very difficult few years until she divorced him and the children became old enough to distance themselves.

Aveline Sat 22-Jan-22 12:52:22

Unfortunately I also have a friend who has the same experience kittylester.
I also have met lots of very nice Muslim people as I've spent time in a Muslim country. But I was there to work and was respected for that and well looked after.

Peasblossom Sat 22-Jan-22 12:54:27

Sharia Law isn’t yet part of Egyptian Constitutional Law.
If she is a baptised Christian the Egyptian Constitution recognises that she will live according to Christian principles and commandments.

Sharia is separate from Constitutional and Criminal Law and is more about how you live your life according to given moral principles.

In Britain nowadays we tend to be very liberal about personal relationships, family obligations, etc. Life in Egypt is a bit more like Victorian times when certain standards were expected and failing to meet them was met with disapproval and sometimes punishment. Equally many people were secure and happy in a society where everyone knew what was expected of them.

If your niece is aware of and can accept the expectations that will be placed on her then I see no reason why she shouldn’t be very happy.

Aveline Sat 22-Jan-22 13:09:16

She is s baptised Christian. All I can do is hope she will be happy and that all will be well.

paddyann54 Sat 22-Jan-22 13:37:22

Takes me back to the days when my FIL opposed our marriage,in fact we were looking at wedding photographs last night and my FIL visiblt distanced himself from me in every shot...like 2 feet away even when positioned beside me .
I'm sad to see that good old religious predgudice is alive and thriving in the 21st century .
In my case I had to never disclose I had been raised Catholic! Especially when FIL had Masonic or Orange order friends around ,seemingly ALL catholics gave all their money to the church and were unable to think for themselves .On the odd ocassion he invited us to lodge dances I was instructed to "stand for the queen" never happened I always went to the ladies room whenever it was imminent .
Contrary to FIL's expectations we are still married and very happy 47 years later ,all it takes is a bit of compromise on both sides What you have to remember is that there are bad people on BOTH sides of any religious divide NOT just muslims .I'm sure your ADULT neice is aware of any and all issues she's facing ,it looks to me as is bigoted family might be the first to sort out .I hope she has as long and as happy a marriage as my MIXED marriage is and that her relatives keep their noses out of it .no offence intended.

Aveline Sat 22-Jan-22 14:19:55

It's not the religious aspect I'm a bit wary of. I'm in an interdenominational marriage myself, it's the cultural differences and relative attitudes to women that give me pause for thought.
My MiL took to bed for a week when our first child wasn't baptised in her denomination!

Aveline Sat 22-Jan-22 14:21:00

paddyann no need to be so unpleasant.

kittylester Sat 22-Jan-22 14:47:06

My protestant Nan was harassed by catholic priests every time she and my catholic Pop moved house - which they did often as he was an engineer on the railways. So I am aware of religious intolerance.

nadateturbe Sat 22-Jan-22 14:49:31

Off topic but Paddyann what is wrong with standing for the national anthem. We used to when on holiday in the Irish republic.

SueDonim Sat 22-Jan-22 15:07:22

no offence intended.

Anyone using the above phrase is being offensive. No offence intended. grin

Katek Sat 22-Jan-22 15:12:27

paddyann - Aveline has made it quite clear that it is neither religion nor race causing her anxiety. She has also stated that she has some exposure to religious differences herself, so it would not appear that she’s coming from a place of prejudice. As she says, cultural differences and attitudes to women can be significant, and until she meets the young man in question she has no way of assessing the situation. She is bound to be concerned - how many times have you read of interfaith/interracial marriage where everything changes for the worse after the wedding? This is most likely a decent young man with the best of intentions, but until Aveline can assess the situation for herself she will continue to feel some level of anxiety.

If I’m correct as to your location, then religious intolerance and prejudice are very prevalent in that area. Perhaps this atmosphere has influenced your reply to Aveline. There aren’t always monsters under the bed you know.
I apologise if you live elsewhere.

Aveline Sat 22-Jan-22 15:21:52

Thanks Katek. I'm glad you picked up the nuances of my posts rather than jumping to sectarianism.
I expect I might feel a bit more reassured about it all once I've met this new husband and seen how he is with her.

Craicon Sat 22-Jan-22 17:54:18

nadateturbe

Off topic but Paddyann what is wrong with standing for the national anthem. We used to when on holiday in the Irish republic.

Oh my, what naivety! grin

Rather than expecting a fellow gransnetter to teach you all about oppression and religious intolerance amongst certain groups, maybe you could borrow a few books from the library covering The Troubles and have a long read?

The ridiculous bigotry is still alive and well amongst the older generations in pockets of Ireland and the U.K.

My lovely Catholic friends’ daughter is marrying her Protestant fiancé next year but they still haven’t told the fiancés bigoted father yet, even though his own mother and sister are aware and very keen on the union.

I find it utterly bizarre that some people are still sticking steadfastly to their silly prejudices and can’t move forwards.

Aveline Sat 22-Jan-22 18:08:32

We were married more than 40 years ago. It's amazing and sad that this Catholic/Protestant trouble continues.

growstuff Sat 22-Jan-22 18:17:23

My daughter's partner is from a Muslim family. They've been together for years, have a joint mortgage and I'd be overjoyed if they decide to marry.