How to get visitors to leave?

We have the lamps in our lounge on timers and once the lights start going out, people usually take the hint.

My late folks had a really good family friend they loved to see, but she did tend to stay late into the evening. My Mum used to go and put on her nightie, but if that didn't work, my dad would head off and change into his pyjamas. They loved her dearly, and the change into night attire was all just taken as a big joke which they all laughed about....and she went off in her own time!

I notice that one of my friends keeps me on her doorstep .
But if I invite her in for tea if she calls she really outstays her welcome .
It's a difficult situation she often does some shopping and or collects meds for my father .
She sometimes likes to visit him .
He's tires very quickly and often wants to sit on his commode . He finds her irritating after a while .

Eventually I have to say ,sorry but Dad wants his commode .

Start nodding off, and say you’re tired so time for bed

My Gran once said to a visitor "Shall I make the sofa up for you if you're staying all night?" He left.

I usually say "Well this has been very nice, but I'm not a night owl so I'm away to my bed now. I'll get your coat." while moving towards the door. It usually works.

My Mum used to clear away the glasses and cups etc. and not offer replenishments.

I offer visitors a coffee, seems to work , they usually take the hint they have had a meal with us .

ask them to leave politely

This used to happen to a work colleague of mine whose husband had left her. We would have her over for dinner ("come for 7pm" and she would turn up at 6pm) and she would still be there talking constantly at midnight. We tried everything - hints about an early start the morning; making cocoa ("we always have this just before bed"); hubby even went upstairs once and put his pyjamas and dressing gown on - nothing worked, she just didn't want to go home to an empty house. In the end we had to stand up, start turning the lights out, except the one by the front door - and she would still keep talking as she walked out ... We just stopped asking her round eventually. I think the key is to stop being polite; stop engaging in their conversation; put away the alcohol (if that's an issue); and work together as a couple - it's no good if one of you is clear and the other negates it by rushing it to do "the polite thing". Agree a strategy and stick to it no matter what (easier said than done I know!)

I used to have someone like that to, tried everything from sitting yawning to sitting on edge of seat to nipping putting my dressing gown on to eeh is that the time time for bed lol in the end only thing that worked was actually saying to them sorry it’s kicking out time. As they say give someone an inch they will take a mile.

@ MerylStreep, absolutely - why be anything else other than sincere and truthful? However I did once read in a magazine that the owner of her dod was trained at a hand signal to go and get the owners sleep wear and return to the room with the PJ’s in the dogs mouth! Love it ?

I say I'm going to unload the dishwasher and go,it only backfired once when a friend offered to come and help me.
DH usually gets his B to go by holding up a bottle and saying the pots empty. Our mothers did the same with the teapot.
My gran would have said," Haven't you a home to go to?"

My BIL tends to overstay his welcome - I just say to his wife '"please take * home now as I'm really tired" - during the pandemic I've got a lot bolder at being honest about how I feel in a situation - I'm not rude but if people choose to take offence that it their choice - I get REALLY difficult when I'm tired so it's to everyone's advantage that visits are kept to a reasonable length (1.5 to 2 hrs max) and I don't tip over the edge.

On a morning or afternoon visit I just say I have an appointment at dentist, solicitor doctors etc in an hour. That works well without anyone feeling embarrassed
Evening I would look at the clock and say oh I didn't realise it was so late must go to bed soon. Lovely to see you and chat. Call in again soon. Usually that's around midnight as I'm a late night person anyway

My dog is a creature of routine. By 9pm he is standing in front of me, quietly growling. Most people take the hint and leave.

If they haven't taken the hint (or even several) I think you have to be quite honest and say that it's been lovely seeing him/her but it is way past your bedtime and you have to be up in the morning as you have xxxx to do.
If that doesn't work, start switching off the lamps and lights and ask them to make sure they pull the door properly closed on their way out!

My grandad used to overstay his welcome no matter what cues you gave him. I've cooked dinners with him standing in the kitchen getting in the way. No matter what we did, he was just oblivious. In the end it was easier to let him move in!!! He was obviously very lonely and would spin out his time for as long as he could.
I know that I can be that guest too so I do say to people that I am not very good at reading cues and just to chuck me out when they've had enough. My husband is quite blunt when he thinks it is time for us to leave so that helps. I am actually quite mortified that I can't read the social signals and I am more than happy to be told. I'd sooner that than be a thorn in somebody's side.
My Mum is the same and takes great offence if you chuck her out. Her partner will keep saying it is time for us to go but she just tells him to go without her! She has mobility issues, can't get home without him and is completely dependant on him but nothing will move her. We've got to the stage that we are less irritated but mildly amused at her tenacity and the excuses she makes.
I think it might be genetic!!!

If any off our neighbours outstayed a welcome my dad used to put on his tape recording off Kenneth McKellar….he wasn’t Scottish , no more we’re the neighbours. It seemed to do the trick!!

I like that Meryl Streep! It’s very clear and straightforward.

I had a home birth for my second son and got no sleep at all the night he was born. The next evening a "friend" (at that time childless) turned up and just stayed and stayed, despite the fact that I was almost out cold. My mother was there, sitting on the sofa and glowering at her, dropping hints that we should all be in bed but nothing worked. Eventually she left after 12am. I don't think my mother ever forgave her.
At one time she developed the habit of dropping in around supper time on Fridays, and always ended up eating with us despite the fact that, with two small children, any quiet family time was like gold dust.
She came to our 40th (restaurant) anniversary lunch and drank so much of the free booze at lunchtime that several friends asked me if she was an alcoholic. When we all went back to our home after the meal she proceeded to unwrap and open several bottles of champagne that we had received as gifts and drink a glass from all of them, despite the fact that there were already open bottles on the table.
She is still probably the most insensitive person I know. As she is one of my oldest friends I have not absolutely cut her off, but she doesn't know where I live any longer so cannot just call in when passing.
Interestingly her mother was an absolute cow and she always criticises her - she is now a mirror image of her in many respects.

Stand up and say, "What a lovely evening but must bring it to a close, we have a busy day tomorrow"! Look at my dh and hope he picks up the message. Sometimes if I'm lucky and he has dropped off and "friends" creep out.
Or, "Must get the pots washed, off to an early start tomorrow"! Occasionally get offers of help which is rare but then you know they are in for the night!

Turn the heating off!! Like the old days with coal fires, just let it burn out - no one wants to hang about in a freezing house!!

If you have family abroad with a good time difference, say you need to call them before 11pm ...

You all make it sound as though you are always polite and know exactly how long it’s appropriate to stay. I think it’s very hard to know and very embarrassing to realise we’ve overstayed our welcome.
What are the rules ???

Yawn a few times, say it was a lovely evening and thank you so much for coming over, but you had an early start/ will have an early start tomorrow.

I've been in the opposite place, wanting to leave but feeling the level of hospitality was almost too great to make it possible to do so without giving offense. I actually think they wanted me to leave but were trying not to be rude and show it. So confusing when people won't be honest.