How to get visitors to leave?

? oooh. Dearly me biglouis that was a very Victorian Grandma. Never met mine but seen her portrait photograph.
And that is enough.
I find some of these suggestions a bit disturbing.
And as long as I’m not being stalked
I hope I never need to employ them.

Another thing I find annoying is when visitors annouce they are ready to go- and then stay, and stay, and stay. Just when you were feeling relieved it was over!

My grandmother was born in an era when visits were traditionally kept short and formal. Even family were allocated a specific time slot.

I was taken to see my gran (as a very young child) for a two hour slot on the second sunday of every month. At the appointed time she would stand up and announce that visiting time was over! This continued to be her habit even when I grew older and went to visit her alone. Visits has a maximum time of two hours.

This became a sort of habit. I never visit people without an agreement and always announce on arrival what time I expect to leave. I would only stay longer if they asked me to - for example stay for a meal.

Now I never answer the door unless Im expecting someone.

Get a ring doorbell - well worth the expense.

I love this thread
BRILLIANT

I remember reading about a Victorian mother who visited her DD for exactly one hour every week. The carriage waited outside and when the time was up, off she went. Sounds ideal.
I love the idea of keeping a hat to put on if someone arrives unexpectedly, I’ll try that! I sometimes even hide…
I tried the old trick of wrapping a towel round my head once when someone turned up out of the blue. Unfortunately he noticed my hair wasn’t even wet.

Slightly different, but my mum and dad knew it was time to call a party to stop when the neighbour two doors down would roll under their sideboard and go to sleep!

We have a friend who is always first to leave and says " love your company but don't love your hours". That would work both ways, I think, if someone overstayed their welcome

"Would you like another coffee before you go" could work

It would have looked a bit odd to be dashing out to collect a parcel at 10.45pm! Nice idea though.

a modern day one worth trying is to suddenly look at your watch and say, oh heavens I organised a click and collect at tesco and must dash! If they believe you face value, it is worth having to go out and go round the block, to get rid of them. If they go out and then you dont go to your car, the penny will drop but what can they say? It is a bit of a white lie but either way they will at least get the message , or alternatively you say, sorry but I have to finish my online order before 11pm or whatever.

I stand up, turn on the taps, begin cleraring the table and say that I have a full day tomorrow... Any offeres to hel with the clearing up are refused... and of course, I take out a dish of food from the freezer and hand it over with a "Don't let it thaw unless yolu're going to bake it as soon as you get home" comment.

Sleep well.

I'll love you and leave you

Night night
??

Ah well.
I think we've come up with a pretty comprehensive list of ways to make visitors go.
We can leave the french knickers to one side...

We used to have a dog that dropped hints for us! When she felt that visitors should go she would stare at them pointedly. On more than one occasion visitors said, “oh, I think your dog is telling us to go!” She was. It worked a treat. She has been gone many years, bless her, but thinking back still makes me smile.

No, fingers in ears!

Not a fan, I take it?

If anyone puts Barry White on I'd be leaving the house before the visitors

Go upstairs, put a Barry White song on, and then come down dressed in a corset and french knickers to tell your husband to please hurry up...

Ask your OH (if you have one) to go and turn on the electric blanket.

That's the one!

Or, you could sellotape your upper eyelids to your forehead in a noticeable way.

Wee Willie Winkie: are the bairns all in bed - it's past 8 o'clock

You could come downstairs wearing blue stripey nightshirt, one of those hats with the floppy point hanging down, and holding an old fashioned candle holder thingy (what are they called?)

I'm another who would say, "it has been really lovely to see you, but I'm really sorry - I have a couple of things I must do before going to bed. Can I get your coats for you?"

I knew a chap who just came down in his pyjamas when he’d had enough which sent us off with a smile!