did you go back to work ?

I never went back to work after my children were born. Because of war injuries my husband was not a well man. I did all the decorating, gardening. Was a very active member of the WI. Went to various classes on cooking and handi,crafts, made all my own and daughters clothes. Ran a country dance group. In those days there were still mental hospitals so used to visit patients who had been abandoned by relatives.
If I had gone back to work in an office I would have been as my husband put it “sitting on my arse all day” and having to pay other people to do things I enjoyed doing.

I had e, no choice, there was a mortgage to be paid, when our son was still a babe in arms my husband was made redundant, and to top it all at around the same time the father-in-law decided it was OK to move himself in, sit around the house doing sweet FA all day except watch the TV, and expect to be fed, so an additional strain on already stretched small income. I would have liked to have been able to spend time with our little boy enjoying more of his early years, but it just wasn't possible.

The picture was quite different in Denmark, where I live, to the one you are describing.

From the early 1970s practically no women stayed at home looking after their children.

The attitude here was that once the fortnight's maternity leave was over, you had the child looked after during your working hours in a state-run crèche with fully qualified staff.

Not because this was necessarily better for the baby, but because no self-repecting woman who was fit to work wanted her husband to have to support her at any time during her adult life.

Equality between the sexes was seen as being achievable only if women trained to do a job after leaving school and earned their own living thereafter, contributing to their own pension fund, and to society through their income tax.

Those were the years were women campaigned for the same wages for women and for men, doing the same jobs, for working our way up to leading positions in business, the academic world, in medicine, and in the Protestant churches.

Most women too wanted to know that they could support themselves and their children if widowed early, and know that if the marriage proved a disaster that they could afford to get a divorce.

On a less elevated plane, it was also a financial neccesity for women to work, as even in the 1970's one income was not enough to enable you to both buy a house and afford to live in it.

That has not changed since then, although it is rare today for men and women doing the same job not to be paid the same, and maternity leave is now a full calendar year for the woman and six weeks or so for the father of the child, irrespective of whether the parents are married or not.

Unemployment for the last 20 years has been an ever present threat, making women very dubious about availing themselves of part-time work while their children are young, if they do have a job.

Some of the unemployed young mothers prefer to try and do without unemployment benefit or social security (two different things here) in order to bring their children up themselves and save the crèche and kindergarten fees. However, this is only really possible finacially, if either their husbands earn very well indeed, the couple have no student loans they are paying off, which is very unlikely, or they live either in the country or a suburb with a garden large enough to grow their own fruit and vegetables, keep hens and in other ways be self-sufficient.

I went back mostly part-time but did a few years full time after my 3 children were in high-school. I then resume part-time to look after a grandchild in last 5 years, not that it is appreciated....long story. I have worked largely for the NHS and just announced that I wish to retire at the end of March. I have been informed that I don't qualify for retirement vouchers as you have to have worked for 20 years and I fall short by 221 days, although will of course get my pension. They won't count work I did for NHS via agency or bank work for 5 years. Feel totally unappreciated, especially as I volunteered to redeploy and
work on an ICU ward at the beginning of the pandemic with all patients having Covid. This is a job's worth decision from HR.

I'm amazed that some people plan their lives exactly and that everything worked out exactly accordingly to plan.

I had expectations of what my life would be like but it didn't always work out as I expected it to.
My children didn't come to order.

I gave up a really good job when I had my first baby - I had intended to go back part time, but once I'd had her I realised no one would love her as much as I did and reckoned that my work was less important than those early years of having her mum look after her - and then later her sibling. We struggled financially but I do not regret it - and know that others really cannot afford to stop work. I did go back to work after many years and was again lucky to have a really interesting job, though in a different field. I am grateful for the chances I had and that it was possible for me to look after the children.

Jane43

I returned to full time work when my children were 10 and 8. I couldn’t have done it without the help of my Mum as my husband worked very long hours. I wish somebody had told me to catch up with NI contributions though as the 10 years out of work affected my pension.

I don't know which years you were at home caring for your children, Jane43 but Home Responsibilities Protection started in 1978 so credits should have been applied after that date.

"just a housewife", how judgemental! I had 2 children, returned to work temporarily when youngest was 2 to help out my employers but wanted to be there for my kids. We were lucky that we could manage on DH salary. Then later our oldest child became ill at 12 and was home schooled so had to be home. It's not always the easy choice!!
Now we love helping out with our beautiful DGS whilst his parents work.

Yes I did, part time, going to full and eventually gained a professional qualification. Funnily enough I know a couple of women who currently choose not to work. One husband bitterly resents it. Children are in secondary school.

I didn't just want to work I always assumed I would work after I had children

I had a working mother. and she was always insistent about the need for a woman to be trained and able to earn her own living. Her mother and grandmother had both been widowed in their mid 30s and left struggling to earn enough money to support themselves and their children. So I cannot remember a time in my life when I didn't assume I would have a career whether I married and had children or not.

By the time I was 16 I had decided that I didn't want to marry before I was 24 or have children before I was 28. Sounds laughable now but in the late 50s/early 60's most women married and had their first child in their early 20s. It meant I had a good run of seven working years between university and a sabbatical to have children and be home with them until school age before resuming my career.

I was fortunate to marry a man with a working mother, who was actually the main breadwinner because his father's job was seasonal and he had to get work where he could, if he could, in the 'off' season.

Anyway, I did as I said, married at 24, had my first child at 28 and returned to work, part time when my younger child was 4 and full time when she was 9. Like others, with a good, but not complete NI record and an occupational pension as well, it means that I have sufficient pension in my own right, to be able to support myself on only my own resources, should I ever need to.

My mother's insistence on a woman having training and a career and be able to be support herself in all circumstances has paid off.

Neither I nor my children ever missed what we never had, a mother in the kitchen dispensing cake when they got home from school.

I went back to work when my youngest was ten. Until then I took in foreign language students as Torquay was a centre for those. It was interesting and paid well. Eventually I decided to get a job and then worked more or less continuously until I reached sixty and retired. Part time at first, and then full time when the children were old enough.

I returned to full time work when my children were 10 and 8. I couldn’t have done it without the help of my Mum as my husband worked very long hours. I wish somebody had told me to catch up with NI contributions though as the 10 years out of work affected my pension.

My mother worked part time whilst we were at school. Later she went back to working full time. I did, too, but my DH being a teacher, he could always be there when the children were.

I plumped for a job rather than a career, but I am glad I did at least that as I now have a decent pension in my own right.

Many of my friends work as free-lance translators and/or teach English and will have to continue well into their late 60s or live off their husbands' pensions. They had the advantage though of being able to work as soon as they had children because they could choose their working hours to suit the children's routine.

My mum was a SAHM for 20 years but I have no recollection of milk, cookies or smells of casseroles when I got in.
My grandmother was a very smart woman who had been held back educationally by society, and was frustrated by decades of being at home, it scarred her.
My dad worked 2 jobs (sometimes 3) so we could gave annual seaside holidays. It exhausted him.
I saw so many women financially tied to their husbands in miserable marriages in 1950s and 60s that I knew I wanted a career and my own pension.

I went back to teaching when my youngest started school. I had a very good childminder who took them to school and picked them up, I shared her with another teacher and she had them for the odd day when my holidays were out of sync with theirs.
My husband had a very stressful job and often came home after they had gone to bed and worked some weekends.
I really loved my job, it helped with the finances and it gave me a feeling of independence. Though I would not have liked to do it with out the school holidays that teachers have.
The women I felt sorry for were the women I knew who wanted to but were not allowed to work by their overbearing husbands.
Marriage and a family is a team effort and I hope we made a good team. Maybe our children would be able to answer that better than me.

“Just another housewife” here too! I think it’s the ‘just’ that rankles with me. If you were fortunate enough to be a SAH parent and that’s what you wanted, it’s nobody else’s business to comment on. As a farmers wife, there was no question of working off farm. I treasured those years.

it was 1989 and mortgages had shot up
I did have an evening job for a while in the early 80s because things were so tight financially with high mortgage rates.
It was always ? that DH would get home in time!

I wasn't a single mother but DH was away for months at a time so I was a SAHM for 15 years until the youngest started school. There were no nurseries in those days. Then I retrained and went to work part-time which fitted in reasonably well, gradually increasing my hours to full-time.

Some women have elderly parents to look after too and trying to juggle that with children and working is very stressful.

It's interesting - the term just a housewife
For one thing, a woman is not married to a house.
I heard the the other day someone saying that 1950s "housewives" worked far harder in the home than today's women.
Generally, there were no washing machines (at least not automatic ones), no tumble drivers, no fridges, no ready meals or even supermarkets so they shopped at different shops daily, they probably didn't have a car or even drive so it was all much harder work. No childcare.
Despite all that, my Mum worked part-time when I was older.

I’d always worked around my dhs shifts, I could do shift work at my local hospital. But only as it suited us, and my wage was always for extras such holiday savings. This was because I really only wanted to be at home with my children.

‘ just a housewife’. How many times I’ve heard that, and it’s so demeaning.

I trained as a nurse, but have never worked for money since my children were born. I had four, and that was not only enough physically, but also very rewarding. Of course, I was able to do it financially, and for people who have to work it’s a whole different ball game.

To be fair, I did/ do have a medical condition which would have hindered me in any workplace, certainly the nursing one.

Now my husband is semi retired and we do things together. Grandchildren play a big part.

My doctor once said she went back to work because it was easier. No doubt she had nannies, cleaners etc, but she regrets it now. She said she’s seen lots of women regret going to work, but none have regretted staying at home.

I was certainly never bored. Every day was different. I don’t think you can say that about many workplaces. A/E maybe!

I went back to work part time once my children started school, moving on to full time. One sister was a SAH mum. We both enjoyed our roles and occasionally envied each other.

I went back to work full time when son was 6 months old out of financial necessity ( it was 1989 and mortgages had shot up.)I hated it, when I had 2nd child when she was 10 months old I worked 3 days a week. We were better off as my Mum had retired and she helped out looking after the children. We made sure it was short days for my Mum, I started a 9.30 and husband could work flexibly and started at 6.30 so he could finish at 3. When they started school I increased to 4 days a week for 20 years until I got a new job which was 2.5 days a week until I retired. I loved working and could never have been a stay at home Mum. But everyone is different.

I went back to work when my daughter was 8 days old ,I had worked until I was in labour the day she was born.I took her with me and she stayed at my side in her pram ,When she was mobile she got her own desk and toys and before she started school she put stamps on letters and labels on mounts .Self employed in a newish business there was no choice .I wouldn't change it if I could .It worked very well and she was the most sociable child who could carry a conversation with customers from a very young age.
I always wondered what did SAHM 's do all day ? I still cooked cleaned ,shopped etc and did the VAT ,sometimes at midnight

I agree with Chewbacca, you do what suits your own life circumstances. Running a home and bringing up a family is a hard job with very little thanks.Im not surprised there is still a judgemental attitude about homemaking, as I met it many times from other women.Usually from those who were fortunate enough to have granny or auntie on tap to do the childcare, after school and school holidays. Not everybody had this, I certainly didn't. Unfortunately childminding costs were prohibitive and it worked out cheaper for me to stay at home till my children were in high school. I went back to work when I could. My motto, you will never please everybody, so do what suits you and stuff what other people think.

I went back to work full-time when both of my children were three months old. I look back now and wonder how the hell I did it, but I don't regret it. I couldn't have been a full-time mum - but I take my hat off to those who are, because it's a bloomin' hard job at the best of times.
But surely it all comes down to personal circumstances - and more importantly, choice. Our predecessors fought for us to have the right to work, earn our own money, vote etc - but above all, to have the right to choose our own future, whether that meant working full-time or being a full-time mum. It doesn't make one better than the other.