Helicopter parents!

Didn’t the name start being used by university staff to describe undergraduates whose parents accompanied them to open days and got involved in their university work?

Marydoll- same here. My children are always offering "advice " on things I should and should not be doing, and checking up on me. Clearly, they do not regard me as a competent adult. Yep, Helicopter son and daughters are a thing..

That’s exactly what I’m like with my Mother. Pick & choose what she’s told/invited to. My daughter is getting married in August, I’m going mother of the bride shopping with her tomorrow,?would love to have invited my mother along but have chosen not to because of total take over, even though she’s 80!!

I have a helicopter daughter ?

Growing up I was always expected to phone and let my parents know that I had arrived safely and to phone to say i was on my way home. My children have done the same and the expectation is that we let them know that we are safe home when we visit. I feel it's a courtesy from a visitor as well on the same lines that phoning up after a certain time in the evening (used to be 9pm then but later now I'm the adult!) unless it is an emergency is polite.

Re my previous post - just received text from SIL - " you're grounded"..

I’m 54 and my mother is like this with me
She messaged me constantly and tries to tell me what do all the time. It comes from a place of love I know this but it’s beginning to drive me crazy!
She’s nearly 80 and we live 10 minutes away from each other. I feel guilty because I don’t visit as much as I should but her constant ‘parenting’ is really starting to get to me

Just pull back a bit you’re relationship will improve if you

Hi my understanding of helicopter parents is one that they are younger parents who don't fully care for their children I.e they are in day care etc and the parents just hover around but are not fully engaged.

welbeck

back off and rest your rotors.
else you may be confined to the hangar.

??

Yes best to back off. I am a believer in letting them make there own mistakes, that’s how you learn, I learned the hard way and came through it.

My ds is 39 year old, a very well train member of the armed forces. I texted him this morning, at 6-30, to tell him drive safely and stay at home if he can. Because of the storm. He did texted back, I promise to be safe, and I phoned my DD and DS2 last night making sure they knew where they knew where the touch was. Yes I am a helecopter parent, do you think that's why they live 2 hours away from me lol

Calling to say you have arrived safely doesn't seem like helicopter interfering to me...its just kindness really!!

As others have said, all this depends on how your Acs feel about your behaviour OP

Nandee

Hi my understanding of helicopter parents is one that they are younger parents who don't fully care for their children I.e they are in day care etc and the parents just hover around but are not fully engaged.

no, quite the opposite. have never heard this interpretation of it.

My DD was in at work at 6am today. She sent me a text to say she'd arrived safely because of the storm. So far so good. She's set up Snapchat so that I can see where she is if she's out clubbing (she's at university, some distance from me), because if anything happened, at least I'd be able to point emergency services in the right direction. Anyway, I seldom check it unless she's told me that she's going somewhere new to her and for some reason, I looked this morning. It showed her as being beside a railway line - for an hour. I couldn't raise her on the phone and have to say I was beginning to seriously consider calling the police. I'm glad I didn't as she was okay (she called me when she saw I'd tried ringing her). Snapchat had blipped. She crosses the line on her way to work and it froze her there, presumably something to do with the weather! One of the longest hours of my life!

My 2 DSs are like this with me. If I get a scam call or email I post on FB to warn others as some of my friends and family are not very aware of scams. Then my 2DSs put loads of comments advising me it's not genuine, how to ring bank, SKY etc from another phone, not to disclose my details over the phone etc. So annoying as I'm trying to help people who would fall for it and not needing advice myself

I got five texts last night from DD telling me how to prepare for the coming storms, even asking if I have a torch by the bed. She goes days without contacting us normally and nobody bothers. I think living in the States through their winter storms has made her much more aware of the danger. She has just told me not to go out as there might be chimney pots being blown off.
It's up to your own family I always phoned my mum when I had been on holiday because she wanted me to. If none of you minds then it does not matter.

As a family we always text each other after a journey, it’s called caring. My Mum used to say to me let me know when you get to wherever and I used to say Mum don’t worry I’m blahty blah years of age but now how I wish I still had my Mum to care about me. Loving, caring and sharing is my family motto.

No news is good news…

Sounds like some ties still bind very tightly.

Nice to think someone cares though.

Try very hard not to be…..always think if my children were my in-laws would I still say what’s on my mind, if I wouldn’t then I try to zip it

My DM was always telling me to phone to let her know I'd arrived home safely after a visit (no mobile phone). Then on one occasion I got stuck on the M4 for a couple of hours due to an accident somewhere, and it was well after 11 pm when I got home. I duly phoned home, thinking they would be worrying because they hadn't heard and got no answer. They had gone to bed. After that I told them I wouldn't call, if anything happened to me they would know soon enough because the police would call. Not a lot they can do but worry even if I had an accident.

We travelled back to the UK from France yesterday - by ferry - We got the sweet spot between the two storms.

DD rang us about 5 times during the day because it was quite clear, although she didn't put it that way, that she was worrying about us having to travel in the bad weather.

We indulged her because 10 years ago she was seriously injured in a road accident that has left her with a disability, and the wind played a part in it, although she was completely exonerated from any blame for the event.

So, we discussed the journey with her, assured her I had seasickness tablets, assured her that the car was packed safely, that DH would drive carefully etc etc and we texted her when we got home.

I think the best cure for helicopter parenting AC is to develop new interests, a hobby, learna langiage etc etc so thatyou have something else to do and think about

Monica DD rang us about 5 times during the day because it was quite clear, although she didn't put it that way, that she was worrying about us having to travel in the bad weather.

How lovely that she cares ...and the worry is understandable too given her history. And how lucky she is to have parents who understand!

An acquaintance was complaining to me not long ago that she was fed up with her DD ringing to check she was home safely. I said it was better that than if she was being ignored, and at least her DD cared enough to bother! She hasn't complained since!

Half of our family will text to say they got home safely, the other half are highly affronted if you suggest that they should do so. They seem to take it as an insult in their ability to drive. My daughter used to be like that but she is getting better about this sort of thing especially on days like today.
I am probably a bit of helicopter parent with my youngest but my older children have the benefit of more life experience, partners who care for them and are wearing their big people's pants. However, when my son either signals that I am irritating him or I think he's had enough of life's rich experiences, I will back off gladly.
All of them know where we are if they need us.

Nvella

Didn’t the name start being used by university staff to describe undergraduates whose parents accompanied them to open days and got involved in their university work?

About 15yrs ago our son when he started Uni told us he didn't want us to be HP's. That was the first time I heard that expression.
Needless to say he was the one who did most of the contacting.

Nvella

Didn’t the name start being used by university staff to describe undergraduates whose parents accompanied them to open days and got involved in their university work?

I don't know if it started there, but I worked in a university and we definitely used the term to describe those parents. They would ask all the questions at Open Days whilst their offspring looked on. Sometimes they would ring up to ask staff to keep an eye on them, or let them know if their children's grades dropped. Obviously we couldn't get into conversation about the students, as they were all over 18 and data protection wouldn't let us - even if I was worried about a student I couldn't discuss them with a parent, and on the whole that is for the best.

One mum stayed with her daughter for Freshers' Week to make sure that she was in with the right crowd, and the same year a dad sent me a copy of an essay his daughter had written, cross-referenced to the grade criteria with matching highlighter pens, and saying that her mark should have been higher (it shouldn't). Several would call me when the results came out to find out what the student had got, when there was a clear protocol for releasing the grades, which didn't involve the parents of adults. Some would insist that their children call them every time they got an essay mark, and the students were often worried about telling them if they didn't get a First for every piece of work.

I completely understand parents caring about their children well past adulthood (in fact for the rest of their lives), but that sort of pressure and refusal to let them stand on their own feet is not a good thing, IMO, and it certainly doesn't prepare the students for adult life.