Your day as a newspaper headline

OAP harassed in her own home by male demanding food.

Our resident gentleman pheasant squawking loudly for me to come out and feed him!

Bump!!

Elderly granny needs emergency care after choking on several unsaid swear words when delivery driver dumps her new oven on her path. "Could you please bring it into the hall?" she asked. " No" he replied "get someone from your bubble to do it." ?
Woman is still suffering from the ingested swear words and a bad back.

Elderly woman refused bus ride in the pouring rain.

An elderly woman was refused entry to a bus travelling to the town centre. The bus driver examined her bus pass and said "That is not you". The sobbing woman tried explaining but to no avail. "That picture was taken before lockdown" she told reporters "and I've aged 10 years since then".

Woman went to Aldi for some bread and ended up spending £5.50 and £15 in Iceland. Has no idea what happened.

Woman eats a whole (big) bar of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk when left alone in house for an evening.

It is.
We must keep it going, I think.

This is really a fantastic thread, Although I find things funny I don’t usually laugh out loud but a lot of this thread I have done just that. Thank you people ??????????…

"I was shocked to the core" says middle aged woman after being spoken to in a pleasant tone, by a helpful dwp helpline worker.

Elderly woman is drenched in cold water in her own home. Emergency services are on the scene.
My shower was set at cold for some unknown reason. I'm going to have a cuppa for the shock. ?

OAP almost loses rag as her remote control doesn't like the number 9 any more and now it's decided that it's not too keen on the 3 either. However, the plucky pensioner explained that it wouldn't defeat her as she navigated with the arrows instead.

I love the phrase 'plucky pensioner.'

Pensioner bravely tackles young vandal in the street.

A pensioner and grandmother unleased verbal abuse on a much younger woman who had been caught putting her doggie poo bag in her bin. "I've seen you do that before" said the pensioner. Luckily the young vandal backed down with weak excuses when told to b***er off and not do it again.

Heroic gran (67) dressed only in nightie and dressing gown rescues son (44) from marauding wasp. Son declared wasp was the largest, ugliest beastie he had ever encountered. The brave pensioner advised that the monster had quietly submitted to being evicted but that during this risky operation the wind blowing up her nightie was right chilly. Hopefully there were no witnesses.

Lady living in the South West is living the dream. (I am not saying anymore!)

Also there was

No pork n the pork pie

Gin in the greenhouse

Middle aged woman vows she "Won't let them win" as she bravely takes on yet another sturdy legged spider in the bathroom.

Woman greeted as a hero (in her own mind) after doing laundry, drying, ironing and putting it away on the same day. When asked she said this had never happened before and was rewarded with the Order of the Glass of Red Wine

Pensioner (72) goes upstairs for nail polish and comes down with a ball of wool.

Lady hiding behind a migraine, to dodge jobs…

Woman successfully bypasses bread bin and takes out three crispbreads for lunch instead.

‘Still more of my marbles now lost!’
- wailed distraught 70+ grandmother of 3, after realising that although she went into town yesterday, she forgot to buy wrapping paper for a dd’s birthday presents tomorrow.

Woman witnesses couple having sex from her kitchen window.

A local woman (who does not wish to be named) was shocked to see a couple engaged in sexual activities whilst washing her tea cups. "It was just a few yards from my kitchen window and in open view" she said. She was asked if she could identify the couple and she said " Oh they were definitely wood pigeons. I have seen them around here before".

Mad socks maniac knits yet another pair and feels she has made progress as she turns the heel.

Local woman tries to persuade daughter who left home over twenty years ago to move some of her possessions out. Local woman threatens to take it all to the tip. Daughter says that you can’t do that.