Your day as a newspaper headline

‘Still more of my marbles now lost!’
- wailed distraught 70+ grandmother of 3, after realising that although she went into town yesterday, she forgot to buy wrapping paper for a dd’s birthday presents tomorrow.

Woman successfully bypasses bread bin and takes out three crispbreads for lunch instead.

Lady hiding behind a migraine, to dodge jobs…

Pensioner (72) goes upstairs for nail polish and comes down with a ball of wool.

Woman greeted as a hero (in her own mind) after doing laundry, drying, ironing and putting it away on the same day. When asked she said this had never happened before and was rewarded with the Order of the Glass of Red Wine

Middle aged woman vows she "Won't let them win" as she bravely takes on yet another sturdy legged spider in the bathroom.

Gin in the greenhouse

Also there was

No pork n the pork pie

Lady living in the South West is living the dream. (I am not saying anymore!)

Heroic gran (67) dressed only in nightie and dressing gown rescues son (44) from marauding wasp. Son declared wasp was the largest, ugliest beastie he had ever encountered. The brave pensioner advised that the monster had quietly submitted to being evicted but that during this risky operation the wind blowing up her nightie was right chilly. Hopefully there were no witnesses.

Pensioner bravely tackles young vandal in the street.

A pensioner and grandmother unleased verbal abuse on a much younger woman who had been caught putting her doggie poo bag in her bin. "I've seen you do that before" said the pensioner. Luckily the young vandal backed down with weak excuses when told to b***er off and not do it again.

OAP almost loses rag as her remote control doesn't like the number 9 any more and now it's decided that it's not too keen on the 3 either. However, the plucky pensioner explained that it wouldn't defeat her as she navigated with the arrows instead.

I love the phrase 'plucky pensioner.'

Elderly woman is drenched in cold water in her own home. Emergency services are on the scene.
My shower was set at cold for some unknown reason. I'm going to have a cuppa for the shock. ?

"I was shocked to the core" says middle aged woman after being spoken to in a pleasant tone, by a helpful dwp helpline worker.

This is really a fantastic thread, Although I find things funny I don’t usually laugh out loud but a lot of this thread I have done just that. Thank you people ??????????…

It is.
We must keep it going, I think.

Woman eats a whole (big) bar of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk when left alone in house for an evening.

Woman went to Aldi for some bread and ended up spending £5.50 and £15 in Iceland. Has no idea what happened.

Elderly woman refused bus ride in the pouring rain.

An elderly woman was refused entry to a bus travelling to the town centre. The bus driver examined her bus pass and said "That is not you". The sobbing woman tried explaining but to no avail. "That picture was taken before lockdown" she told reporters "and I've aged 10 years since then".

Elderly granny needs emergency care after choking on several unsaid swear words when delivery driver dumps her new oven on her path. "Could you please bring it into the hall?" she asked. " No" he replied "get someone from your bubble to do it." ?
Woman is still suffering from the ingested swear words and a bad back.

Bump!!

OAP harassed in her own home by male demanding food.

Our resident gentleman pheasant squawking loudly for me to come out and feed him!

Sox maniac at large - OAP's knitting needles are still rattling away.

Elderly hag covers her face in make-up.

Despite the ordeal of removing it later the hag made a real effort to cover her wrinkles as she had a birthday video call with grandson today.

Woman, 73, found dead of hypothermia in her own home as a result of a broken central heating system.

The heating engineer who usually attend to the equipment in the woman's house said that he was unable to attend on this occasion as his van was at the garage and it contained all his equipment and that he currently 'did not even have access to a screwdriver'.

The emergency services were relieved to discover that the bariatric stretcher was not required as had first been feared. The victim was found to be wearing 6 jumpers, 2 t shirts, leggings and fleece lined jogging bottoms and was not, in fact, the size of a baby elephant.