Asking someone how they are

I think the best way to avoid this issue is to totally ignore anyone you know.

i always say yeah i am okay, even when i feel as if the world is falling down around me. i had bowel cancer (tumor) 3 years ago and told a good friend and neighbour, someone else heard and then it went around the building 50 plus houses, people kept saying i looked so well for someone who has cancer. i now just say i am fine and if someone goes on and on i just say...i hope you feel better, there is a lot of elderly widowed people around me so i have a lot of time for them and am happy to spend some extra time chatting.

I hate this “false speak” such as “how are you?” “Or pop round sometime” when it’s not meant.
“Have a nice day” and “no problem” are other irritating meaningless expressions.
Seems we can’t genuinely interact with each other any more only trot out banal phrases.

Callistemon21

? possibly not

I should have just said "Aw reet me duck?"

I've lived in the Aw reet me duck area and been asked in another How are you Hinny I thought they were saying Ginny.
Where we live now it is huw do marra ...how are you old chap to men and are ye aw reet to women.
They are all giving you an opening to say how you really feel but I think people just expect you to say I'am fine how are you.

? possibly not

I should have just said "Aw reet me duck?"

Callistemon21 You see, where you were going wrong was asking 'How are you?' If you'd just asked your MIL 'Alright?' you'd have got a brief 'Alright' in response. Or possibly not eh?!

I say “Fine, thank you”.

TBH, if I meet someone and speak first, I usually say “hello”, but I don’t often ask how they are, and I really don’t expect them to ask me either. I think people just say it as a matter of course, they don’t expect a proper answer.

This is a good one because i ask expecting to be told otherwise why ask the question in the first place ? If the person offloads yo me then i think good because they have got things off their chest now when I am asked I just say "Ohhh I'm ok ta."

I am more than prepared to listen to others but i don't want to bleat about myself.....

As yet i havent asked anyone who has given me detail for detail reply...

To answer your question Judy54 if it's someone I care about, I will say, Lovely to see you, how are you? and be interested in their answer. People who don't come into that category, I just say Hi, lovely weather or Hi, I'm totally sick of this rain or some other inane comment. Introduced formally it's always "How do you do?" to which people always say "How do you do?" usually in unison!

It's not the best greeting - you either say "Fine thank you" whether you are or are not. Or the person asking is perhaps not prepared for an answer that all is not ok.
I usually say "fine" if it is not a family member but elaborate more if it is one of my family or close friends.

Absolutely AcornFairy. My health is poor, plenty of ups and downs, but I remain happy with my life and lovely family and friends around. So I’m fine

.....Even if you're not?!

I reply “Fine, and you?”.

Coastpath

Lathyrus I'm born and bred Bristolian where the standard form is to ask the question 'Alright?' to which the only known and acceptable answer is 'Alright'.

I've since moved elsewhere and when I see someone I know or pass a stranger on a dog walk I say 'Alright?' and am still slightly surprised when they give me a full reply such as, 'Yes, I'm well, how are you?' or 'Terrible, my bunions are murder'.

My MIL who always gave a very full answer to the question of 'how are you'? was Bristolian ?

Lathyrus I'm born and bred Bristolian where the standard form is to ask the question 'Alright?' to which the only known and acceptable answer is 'Alright'.

I've since moved elsewhere and when I see someone I know or pass a stranger on a dog walk I say 'Alright?' and am still slightly surprised when they give me a full reply such as, 'Yes, I'm well, how are you?' or 'Terrible, my bunions are murder'.

I always tried to avoid asking my mother how she was on phone call….. it was always a complaint/moan….

I’ve spent a few weeks struggling to answer when people say how are you…. I’m very far from fine but don’t want say so…so I’ve sort of dodged it and said something daft like “not seen you for awhile “ ?

I've never understood this, why would we ever say "how are you? " if we didn't want an honest answer?

You can always tell them how you are too anyway if they didn't say it back. Maybe they just forgot who said it first by that point.

I think it also depends on circumstance and whether people have time to chat. If they have time to chat with you that's a good thing right?

I don't mind listening to how people are or I wouldn't ask. It's much better than living in an impersonal world where we don't get to know people because we are all supposed to say "fine thanks, you?" and then keep walking

I don'y mind tbh if people tell me their problems

V3ra

My Mum used to say, "For goodness' sake don't ask your grandma how she is, she'll only tell you." ?

My MIL got annoyed when her friend said to her "Just say 'I'm fine', don't go into lengthy detail!"
MIL said "Why do they ask if they don't really want to know ?"

I’ve moved to a part of the country where people seem to greet each other with “Are you alright? “ or just ‘Alright?t”

I found it very disconcerting until I worked out it was just a greeting and not an implication that there was something wrong in the way I looked or what I was doing.

I felt very put down for quite a while☹️

"A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you".
Bert Leston Taylor: The so-called Human Race 1922

Hello, lovely to see you. - How are you? For friends whose real cares and woes are of concern to me. Unsurprisingly that doesn't include anyone who is a habitual self indulgent moaner...

It does seem that if the question “How are you?” is uttered, we no longer expect a straight answer. More often than not “How are you” has simply become the first part of a greeting requiring the response “fine.” I agree: “Good to see you” is a pleasant greeting which may or may not be followed by a genuinely caring question about another’s wellbeing. If you don’t want to know how someone is, don’t ask them! But, particularly in these rather strange times, a lot of people are not “fine” or “good” and would welcome a compassionate companion to open up to.

When I lived in China, before European politeness came into fashion, a Chinese person would say to another ‘ Have you eaten’ , as a greeting but neither expecting to be fed. It was more important to them as there were famines.

Round here people usually say ‘hi how are you’ not expecting an answer then the other will say ‘fine, you ok ?’ And everyone carries on walking unless they are close friends and really want to know