Asking someone how they are

Hello, good to see you. That doesn’t invite off loading
Having said that, so many people are struggling and need to express that to a friendly face . I’m ok with listening

How are you Judy?

I think a lot people do that when they get older but perhaps don’t realise they’re doing it.

My Mum used to say, "For goodness' sake don't ask your grandma how she is, she'll only tell you." ?

Most of the people I meet are 'fine' and I say I'm fine too. There are times when I do meet someone who needs to offload. I just feel that if it helps them to have a rant about things that upset them then I am doing my good deed for the day by sympathetically listening.
If it gets too much for you just wind the conversation up with an appointment you need to get to or you have to phone someone at ?o'clock.

I don't think a lot of people are "Fine' these days and more and more are needing someone to talk . I once made a G.P. laugh when I replied to "How are you ?'as "Fine thank you ," when in fact it was quite the opposite or I wouldn't have been there.
We have had 2 years of Covid and now Ukraine. Poor access to Dr's and medical services and not been going to clubs or leisure pursuits like we did.
People who you never expect to open up and tell you intimate problems about their health or family.
Maybe you need a new greeting,'Hello good to see you". as suggested is really good and really we can all expect people to tell it as it really is..
I'm not meaning this in a critical way, our postman opened up to me the other day and normally he says "morning" and that's his lot.
We all tell each other things on grans net and share problems and advice if we can which is good.
Maybe if life was a bit more back to normal we would all remember to ask about the other person as well.
I think the English stiff upper lip is not so stiff at the moment,I just smile and try to listen.
I hope you are well yourself ? Judy.

Round here people usually say ‘hi how are you’ not expecting an answer then the other will say ‘fine, you ok ?’ And everyone carries on walking unless they are close friends and really want to know

When I lived in China, before European politeness came into fashion, a Chinese person would say to another ‘ Have you eaten’ , as a greeting but neither expecting to be fed. It was more important to them as there were famines.

It does seem that if the question “How are you?” is uttered, we no longer expect a straight answer. More often than not “How are you” has simply become the first part of a greeting requiring the response “fine.” I agree: “Good to see you” is a pleasant greeting which may or may not be followed by a genuinely caring question about another’s wellbeing. If you don’t want to know how someone is, don’t ask them! But, particularly in these rather strange times, a lot of people are not “fine” or “good” and would welcome a compassionate companion to open up to.

Hello, lovely to see you. - How are you? For friends whose real cares and woes are of concern to me. Unsurprisingly that doesn't include anyone who is a habitual self indulgent moaner...

"A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you".
Bert Leston Taylor: The so-called Human Race 1922

I’ve moved to a part of the country where people seem to greet each other with “Are you alright? “ or just ‘Alright?t”

I found it very disconcerting until I worked out it was just a greeting and not an implication that there was something wrong in the way I looked or what I was doing.

I felt very put down for quite a while☹️

V3ra

My Mum used to say, "For goodness' sake don't ask your grandma how she is, she'll only tell you." ?

My MIL got annoyed when her friend said to her "Just say 'I'm fine', don't go into lengthy detail!"
MIL said "Why do they ask if they don't really want to know ?"

I don'y mind tbh if people tell me their problems

I've never understood this, why would we ever say "how are you? " if we didn't want an honest answer?

You can always tell them how you are too anyway if they didn't say it back. Maybe they just forgot who said it first by that point.

I think it also depends on circumstance and whether people have time to chat. If they have time to chat with you that's a good thing right?

I don't mind listening to how people are or I wouldn't ask. It's much better than living in an impersonal world where we don't get to know people because we are all supposed to say "fine thanks, you?" and then keep walking

I always tried to avoid asking my mother how she was on phone call….. it was always a complaint/moan….

I’ve spent a few weeks struggling to answer when people say how are you…. I’m very far from fine but don’t want say so…so I’ve sort of dodged it and said something daft like “not seen you for awhile “ ?

Lathyrus I'm born and bred Bristolian where the standard form is to ask the question 'Alright?' to which the only known and acceptable answer is 'Alright'.

I've since moved elsewhere and when I see someone I know or pass a stranger on a dog walk I say 'Alright?' and am still slightly surprised when they give me a full reply such as, 'Yes, I'm well, how are you?' or 'Terrible, my bunions are murder'.

Coastpath

Lathyrus I'm born and bred Bristolian where the standard form is to ask the question 'Alright?' to which the only known and acceptable answer is 'Alright'.

I've since moved elsewhere and when I see someone I know or pass a stranger on a dog walk I say 'Alright?' and am still slightly surprised when they give me a full reply such as, 'Yes, I'm well, how are you?' or 'Terrible, my bunions are murder'.

My MIL who always gave a very full answer to the question of 'how are you'? was Bristolian ?

I reply “Fine, and you?”.

.....Even if you're not?!

Absolutely AcornFairy. My health is poor, plenty of ups and downs, but I remain happy with my life and lovely family and friends around. So I’m fine

It's not the best greeting - you either say "Fine thank you" whether you are or are not. Or the person asking is perhaps not prepared for an answer that all is not ok.
I usually say "fine" if it is not a family member but elaborate more if it is one of my family or close friends.

To answer your question Judy54 if it's someone I care about, I will say, Lovely to see you, how are you? and be interested in their answer. People who don't come into that category, I just say Hi, lovely weather or Hi, I'm totally sick of this rain or some other inane comment. Introduced formally it's always "How do you do?" to which people always say "How do you do?" usually in unison!

This is a good one because i ask expecting to be told otherwise why ask the question in the first place ? If the person offloads yo me then i think good because they have got things off their chest now when I am asked I just say "Ohhh I'm ok ta."

I am more than prepared to listen to others but i don't want to bleat about myself.....

As yet i havent asked anyone who has given me detail for detail reply...