Retirement wishes and reality

Sorry that should say before we retired.

jaylucy

Escape to the Country makes me smile - many of the couples are retirees and what do they show them ? Houses either in the middle of nowhere (they have the usual dreams of having chickens and goats or running a camping site) or small villages where the only facilities are a pub and a church!
What happens when they can no longer drive and there is no bus service ?
Many town dwellers also have the fantasy of moving to a village and "becoming part of a community" when for years they have barely spoken to their next door neighbour !

When they can't drive they move again! Land is always valuable because they aren't making any more of it. I don't want goats or chickens but I would "escape to the country" in a heartbeat if I could.

I retired at 67, now 73. Had trouble with a teenage gs so had to move house. I was looking forward to retirement but am now disabled, though live in a nice house. Live the best you can while you can (and enjoy any money you may have)

I retired at near 69 after losing my elder brother and sister within four weeks of each other. I started to question why I was still working full time. I had plans for things I would do, how I would spend all this free time. Within a month of retiring covid hit and I was confined to my narrow boat home not being able to see any friends or family as they were all way out of the distance we were allowed to travel. The swans, geese and ducks visited knowing snacks were available... Mr Swan would sit next to me on my jetty while I sewed. He would nudge me occasionally for a snack. He was wonderful company. So it went on. This was my retirement. Now two years on, still with covid in the background, it is difficult getting motivated again to start those plans of so long ago. Mr and Mrs Swan still visit and Mrs Duck lets me stroke her. The ducklings from a few years ago bring their babies to visit the strange lady on the blue boat. Maybe I will win the lottery and buy a little cottage by a river somewhere....one is allowed to dream. I would miss my riverbird friends though....

After I lost my mum at 71, I decided I wasn’t waiting until I was of retirement age. I now have 3 very part time jobs that I really enjoy, and I get time off whenever I want it.

We’re moving, as soon as we can to somewhere as remote as we can manage, within cycling distance of shops. I’m getting an ebike and will use the car as little as possible. I already walk about 8 miles a day, and I will continue to do so. Arthritis will not get me- I don’t care what joints need replacing (I’m already one new joint in)- I’ll have the lot done!

I moved away from where I always lived in 1992...My dream was to go back to my old town before hubby & I retired and kids were married......Got my dream 7 years ago...Managed to buy a smaller house outright...Retired 3 years ago and I am so happy.....Home is defo where the heart is....

I worked in retail so I was always in the company of people and now I hardly see anyone . All the promises from friends of lunches, coffee, getaways, etc have dwindled down to practically zero. My closest friend and I had lunches or went shopping weekly and despite her promises that when her husband retired we would still do it, last time was nearly 3 months ago, I never see her, she always busy. Thank goodness for my dog to get out and about or I think I'd go nuts.

I knew I was going to face a pretty solitary retirement when I married my second husband who is 7 years younger than me. I retired and was able to claim my state pension at 62 (8 years ago) but he isn't eligible for his for another 4 years. I'm perfectly willing to pursue my own activities and for a while after retirement I did voluntary work but I'm no longer able to drive (failing sight) and, post Covid I have yet to feel confident about using public transport again. We have endless debates about whether DH should just stop work now so that we can visit family more (they live nearly 4 hours away) and do things together before I have even more health problems. But it would be very difficult to live just on my pension, especially now with living costs rising so hugely, and we'd have no spare money to do anything anyway. I'd be interested to hear what others have done whilst waiting for younger (or still working) husbands to retire. I sometimes feel like I'm just wishing time away, which is stupid.

MawtheMerrier So sorry x
My own circumstance: I am working 5 days a week and helping care for elderly parents (80’s) Mum has Alzheimer’s, Dad a heart complaint…but it won’t be forever and I’m so lucky to still have my Parents - my Partner (won’t marry me) threatens to retire in 18months, we are both 62 later this year, but he never wants to go anywhere, do anything and although I dream we will move to our own home (live in his martial home) I won’t hold my breath. I would dearly love to be near the grandchildren but ours our a good 4 hours drive apart and I don’t know that he would really move anyway - I’m abit worried about retiring as it will be just us - sad really!

I retired years ago and moved house more or less at the same time, its so quiet here, nobody to talk to during the day and people too busy to speak to when they come home.I feel I am going mad sometimes, but we do have a haven to go to in the UK its a small town in the Lakes, and I LOVE it, people are so friendly, they say hello as they are passing, we dont know them, this place has everything, and last week while visiting I realised I spoke to more people during that week than I had spoken to this year. Dont retire to a place which in ones mind would be ideal, it probably isnt, unless you want to hibernate!

I started planning financially to retire at 50 in my 20s and I was 3 months behind schedule when I retired. Since then I've had a busy time and I'm now winding down somewhat at 75 but I do think it was important to enjoy the life I had before retirement as one does not know ones age of death or one partner's. I didn't really have fantasy about retirement.

I took early retirement when Covid hit the college where I lectured. I had been considering it for some time and that just gave me the impetus to actually do it. My DH, like everyone else, began to work from home and is still doing so today, so he is here with me at home, albeit working. He talks about retiring, but he is very well paid for just exercising his grey matter and so I suspect he will work for a while longer yet. It is very much his choice, which is a great position to be in.

We know we are very, very, fortunate to have our health, and each other. Our lovely sons are all grown up and self-sufficient but they call in or ring very frequently, and we have a grandchild on the way.

We decided during the long, chatty days of summer lockdown that we should consider moving. Our house is wonderful, but it is up a lot of steps and we need to drive to a shop, and to any local bars or restaurants. We wanted easy, non-driving, access to all of those as we get older.

We put our much-cherished family home on the market and sold it very quickly. We knew exactly where we wanted to go (a mile or so away, but almost in the centre of the village) by luck a house came up in the location we wanted and we bought it.

We haven't really downsized and it will need a lot of changes to make it what we want, but we have the money and so we will do it. We move in a month, and I am already very excited to be planning the changes.

We also intend to holiday more abroad and see more of the UK. If the fates allow.

The war in Europe is a horrible backdrop to all our lives though and I feel so very sorry for those poor people having to endure the unimaginable. I really do feel very fortunate, and I am also acutely aware that in a split second life could change very dramatically for any one of us.

Alioop

I worked in retail so I was always in the company of people and now I hardly see anyone . All the promises from friends of lunches, coffee, getaways, etc have dwindled down to practically zero. My closest friend and I had lunches or went shopping weekly and despite her promises that when her husband retired we would still do it, last time was nearly 3 months ago, I never see her, she always busy. Thank goodness for my dog to get out and about or I think I'd go nuts.

Sadly this is a very common but understandable problem. Most people you used to saw day in, day out at work, rarely see you when you're retired. They're busy. Did we follow up retirees when we were in our 40s and 50s? We were busy.
We have to make a massive effort on retirement to make new social circles.

My husband had a stroke at 50 …finished his job or any job. I went to work full time as he wouldn’t cla benefits and looked after house /garden and every other damn thing. 26 years on …with him deteriorated to the enth degree…I’m still doing it. I was basically widowed at 46…. I’m now 72…. my work load is astronomical and I’m never free from responsibility. We can only afford a carer coming in three times a week for 1/2 hour at a time…so I can go somewhere to be ‘free’. My husband retired at 50….I will never retire!! Plans?!? I don’t do them.

I’m sorry that so many of you have had retired plans thwarted. We didn’t ever really plan much, we’re both quite impulsive and have done things spontaneously, not always a good thing! But we’ve ended up in a detached bungalow with a garden just the right size, and everything and everybody we care about nearby. Who knows what the future will bring, but we’re very content at the moment.

Oh Saggi, I’m so sorry. You must be knackered. Does your husband still refuse to claim any benefits he might be entitled to? His pride comes at such a huge cost to you. Have you investigated whether you might be entitled to claim anything if he won’t? ?

Covid retired me after my last working day on 20-03-20 as I was a Supply Teacher att.
Always thought I would have plenty of time for all my interests once I stopped teachng.
No way - because we still live near the daughters and grandchildren, ( 4 months up to 11 years ) , and are at their beck and call !!!
The only way to get our own time would be to move away but we would never do that.
My husband and I had to move away from our familes 44 years ago to get teaching jobs and brought our family up on our own. Now, those 3 girls seem to need us to help them with so much to do with their children. !!!
For instance, our youngest who has a 2y 4m old and a 4 month old needed me to help her with swimming this morning. I used to take all 3 of mine swimming, 2 yrs apart, all under 5, on my own.
Now this evening, she needs us to go out to her house to hold the baby whilst she puts the 2 yr old to bed, because her husband will be late home. !!!!
My husband used to be at school very late every night ( even back in the 80s ) And I always got all three of ours to bed on my own !
I am not really moaning because I do like to help. But just feeling very tired and have to remind our daughters that I am 26, 28 and 30 yrs older than them!
Would love to have more time for my hobbies though.

My advice to a friend about moving was “if either of you were left on your own would you be able to cope with the house?” Their children and families had moved to the west country years ago - they went to join them. So far so good.

Him indoors and me have moved away from our children and their families, and would loathe to go back to the midlands. We miss them so much but realistically there will come a time when we are no longer as important to the GC.
Plus, we are by the coast and they are welcome anytime for a break.

I had no big plans for retirement and fortunately both travelled extensively during work. There’s nowhere on my bucket list and now health is a priority, without that nothing can be enjoyable. I’m happy doing nothing and now find airports dire!

I planned to move to rural Spain alone! I even took Spanish lessons. God knows what was in my mind at the time. I'm 70 and have my 4 children and 7 grandchildren in close proximity and wouldn't want to be away from them now.

I first wanted to go to Macchu Picchu and Ulan Bator when I was about 5. A woman came to our house and had some business with my mother. She leaned over and said in a patronising tone . Are you reading about the seaside ? would you like to go with a teddy. I looked at her and said clearly no I want to go Peru and outer mongolia!! she got quite a shock and my mother thought it was very funny and it became a family story that I grew up wanting to actually do. didnt manage that but lived in Syria, Portugal and travelled all over europe and scandanvia and to thailand and iceland and other places. Sailed my elderly yacht so had lots of different experiences but not much money, we went camping in france and britian as a family and many other things. Started to go back to YHA , but then I had cancer and my husband had many problems and eventually I am now a widow and never made either of my original places. with cancer and mobiity problems I think Macchu Piccu is not a reailistic possibility now with the covid situation and the cost too. But I aint done yet!! I still intend to keep wandering about and as an act of defiance to my health situation have just bought the yellow garden book for this year and my good friend has reached the milestone of 80 and we are going to share a lodge for a week in the lakes and go and see gardens , wander at our speed, she taught german and I taught english as a foreign language and we have lots to remember from the college. We both like gardens and so our treat now is going to be looking round gardens, getting chinese or make a casserole and go back to the lodge where we have pushed the boat out and have got one with a hot tub. Used to love them in iceland , so this was a birthday treat and we see ourselves sat there in the evening glass in hand and a lot of laughs. Not quite Peru, but great to be happy with a friend and have some time together to do just what we want and get up at 6am or 11am with no one to tell us what to do. Looking forward to it!!

I retired at 62 to help look after my newborn GS. 10 years later I’ve never looked back, had no expectations just being away from the stress of work, seeing family, having the freedom to do what I want. My partner has only just retired and though my life is a bit different with him being around it’s working well so far and he is so so happy to be away from work. He had no grand plan either except not to have to get up early every day and to have some time to himself.

I thought about moving to a coastal resort, but wasn't able to due to health problems and lack of cash. But I'm very happy living in my city based home and am now so glad that I didn't move. I have nice neighbors, live within walking distance of town, local parks and gardens and close to the bus and train stations.

We hadn’t even thought about retirement. We bother worked for the NHS , me as a nurse and him in logistics . At 57 he was having trouble breathing and after some tests he was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis. He died just 6 weeks later. I was 54 and two years later I had to take early retirement myself due to a very dodgy knee . I had to live on my NHS pension and half of my husbands NHS pension as I was born in the waspi years and didn’t get the rest of my pension till 63 and a half .
I’m fine though. I sold my house ten years or so ago and moved in with my daughter and family.
We go on holidays most years and all get along well.

I did the opposite ...lived in the EU (Spain, and then twice in France, very rural, peaceful ..pretty village and very quiet !) I now live on a busy Metro line 15 minutes from a busy city centre, university teaching hospitals, doctors surgeries (45 min drive away when I lived in France) ,,,ok as everyone HAD to drive to get even the bread ! now can walk to the sea and the beach, one minute...bus stops outside, an international airport, beautiful countryside to walk in, a ferry terminal, dentists, doctors all on hand ......we all get older and rural France had no transport whatsoever, with a taxi to the nearest town (10 km) costing in excess of 30 euros each way.....what;s not to like ! People tend to forget age WILL eventually (if we live that long !) and then living in a rural place may not be so tempting !