Retirement wishes and reality

Saggi
Ginpin, yes, looking after little one’s is hard work. I did that 20 years ago with my daughter’s children. My sons, having married much later, have got young children, but I informed them that I wouldn’t be doing as much for them as I did for my daughter’s children. I was 20 years younger. They have understood. I do the odd couple of hours babysitting , but no school runs etc. Ginpin, have you tried talking to them and explaining that you are getting tired? I’m sure they will understand. Good luck!

We had great plans to see parts of the world we only dreamed of. Sadly 11 years ago DH had a stroke and is now practically housebound. Although I am no longer working, I find I am exhausted all the time as I have to do everything in house and gardens. Like you Saggi, DH refuses to register disabled and won't hear of me claiming carer's allowance even though he cannot cater for himself if I am not there.
My only break is when I walk our lively dog (though that's tiring too), or when my son asks if I can sit with 18month old grandaughter on an odd occasion.
So not at all what I wished for my senior years.

My husband had the dream of moving to Spain when we retired. We did this and lived there for 14 years. Even though I hadn't particularly wanted to go I loved it and made a lot of friends. It wasn't a bed of roses as we had a lot of problems with our property but I loved the country and our lifestyle.
After 14 years he got itchy feet and we moved back to the UK. Happily settled in a small rural village where people are very friendly.
We now have a holiday home in Spain and are off next week/
I think we have been very fortunate but wonder (approaching 80) how long we will be able to do the long drive to Spain. We need to travel by car so we can take our little rescue dog with us.

Before I left the school that I worked st for 19 years, 7 months and 10 days ( but hey, who’s counting !?) I just wanted to retire to ANYWHERE but went on supply which was okay by and large. Then I was sent to a school for one day and stayed for 5 years and worked past retirement because I loved it . Happy days !

At 21 all I ever wanted was enough money not to have to work, a nice place to live and a dog. Retirement is brilliant!

DH and I planned to travel round Australia on retirement. To be fair we always put aside chunks of long service leave to have extended holidays abroad, so not putting things off. He died at 61, nearly six years ago.

I planned some aspects of my retirement, going part-time in increasing time before stopping work last year which was a great idea. Of course Covid punched a hole in travel here, even within my own state and country.

Now I'm on hold, waiting for results of a medical investigation which might affect travel. I really want to go back and see friends and reactions in the UK.

Health permitting, and I feel perfectly healthy in myself, I'll get the travel, and meanwhile do museum guiding (not on the original plan), taming my garden and getting out to galleries/shows, etc with DD.

I'm fortunate in that I own my house and am financially comfortable. It's by the sea, so get the sandy walks with the dog. A cottage in the middle of nowhere never appealed as we both of us always kept a beady eye on infrastructure.

So. The big plan can't happen, but lots of the smaller stuff has. What I miss is having an adult to talk to on a daily basis.

We thought we had it covered downsizing to somewhere more accessible and near to our DSs and families to help with childcare.I had 2yrs before retirement,DH 5yrs.Then I received notice I was a WASPI case so had to work extra 4.5yrs. during these extra yrs I suffered cancer so no holidays for 2yrs then unfortunately developed further illness requiring numerous investigations and meds,holidays again off limits.All stress and worry causing DH fall into depression.I was finished at work on ill health 2months before official retirement age.In Sept pre covid we had a fantastic holiday making bucket lists for when my DH join retirement.Family holiday booked May 2000 in celebration of our retirements and my controlled health issues.Then COVID ---- Boots travel insurance withdrew and refunded our policy, We managed a long weekend at the coast at a huge cost due to Covid demand and to be honest bit of a nightmare keeping family safe and entertained.Now 2yrs further on cannot get insurance to travel,haven't seen Dr for over 2yrs fully vax 3 plus extra booster.DH would not want to drive any long distance now.Our retirement plans such a big disappointment.The area we moved too has cut back on transport ,shops and facilitys closed due to COVID so all in all a total let down.Saving grace we are still alive, ageing together awaiting the inevitable.

When I was younger I wanted a house in the middle of nowhere,but never got it.
Now we have just downsized from a house with a large garden to a tiny bungalow in town.It’s wonderful! I can walk to the drs, chemists,shops.We are close to a beautiful park where we can watch the seasons change and all the beauty and we don’t have to do the work!
I love it!

I always said I'd live very remotely, somewhere that it not only snowed, but where I would regularly be snowed in. I would still love to do this, but with an older husband I doubt I ever will.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Welcome AussieGran,
I agree about the tree change situation, unbelievable situation. We recently went down to Inverloch in Victoria with our a probus group and looked at the property prices. Oh my, same as Melbourne and worse. I feel sorry for our young grandchildren coming up because rental properties are scarce and super expensive,too.

We had not really thought about it... but as both DDs moved to the same town, to afford a home to raise their children, we followed them. We don't live in each others pockets but are close enough to help each other as & when needed. It has been a joy to be close to DGC as they grew up and to be able to see them regularly so they consider our home an extension of theirs. i.e. helping themselves to food & drink, dropping cushion & throws on the floor but they are also good company! As both DH & I still do bits of freelance work ..he has just left for work.. not sure if ,even in our 70s consider ourselves retired!

A little croft in the Highlamds of Scotland for me. Absolute peace and quiet. Now I have 4 grandsons I can't think of leaving them at all.

Sorry to hear life is so difficult for you Diggindoris can your family talk to your husband about the benefits issue. Maybe you should have a few days away to bring home the reality of what you do to your husband. He does seem to have a selfish attitude toward you unless I am missing something.
I hope things improve for you.

Duggindoris, I’m so sorry. Your position is so similar to Saggi’s. I agree with Sodapop. The extra money to which you’re entitled to would help so much. I know nothing about the benefits system but can you claim without your husband’s involvement??

Reality and dreams are two different things, aren't they? My DH became very ill in his mid fifties and died not long after diagnosis so our previous plans, modest though they were, were shattered.

We'd moved to a seaside town but after my own ill health I moved back inland to be nearer family. I'm reasonably content but not exactly H A P P Y - I just plod on from day to day, keeping busy with creative hobbies, etc.

I've got the basics - a roof over my head, food in my belly, clothes on my back - but the day to day reality has been disappointing. I try not to let it get me down as I still have much to be thankful for, there is after all, always someone who is worse off than oneself.

I will be retiring in a few months time. I always have this dream that when I retire, I will return to my home country and spend the rest of my life with my sisters and brothers.

The reality is my husband is too old to move there, I will miss my daughter too much and the place overseas has become too crowded.

I also began to realise where we are is just right - not too busy, not too rural with good amenities nearby.

Since travel is open again, I will go to Prague with my DD to celebrate my 60th birthday, later this year we will all go to Asia to visit to family.

I love sightseeing but because of my husband’s age, we are restricted to the type of holidays we can have, the last time we visited one of tropical islands nearby, we spend our days just feeding the fishes in the sea!
I consider myself lucky that my husband is still with me.

Duggindoris, you should let your garden grow wild, if your DH husband complain, you could say if he apply for benefits which enable you to claim carer’s allowance, you could have hire a gardener to look after the garden.

Well I retired last summer and DH had been retired for 4 years. So far it's going well. Never had any massive plans just hoping for plenty of holidays and have several booked ?. We also live close to grandchildren so are heavily involved with them but fully aware they won't need us forever. I have a few hobbies that keep me busy but DH doesn't really except for his computer. We have joined the u3a which I would recommend to everyone. DH has a stable but potentially terminal condition so well aware to enjoy what we can while we can.

I retired early just as covid hit ! Had trips booked to Jersey mykonos Australia and New Zealand all cancelled got money back but disappointed. We went around UK when we could travel which we enjoyed.But we are considering booking a Titan tour to calfornia in September as we both turn 60 .
But we grateful for our health and hoping to rebook big destinations next year all being well .

I didn’t really have retirement plans as due to health issues it’s quite hard to plan ahead. I used to have a job I loved in a mental health team in Essex, near London. Then I moved up to Northumberland seven years ago and have loved living in Alnwick. Northumbrian people are warm and friendly and it’s ‘doggie’ country due to all the open space and a lowly populated county. I love dogs. I have had two dogs since living up here. I live next to beautiful countryside and only four miles from the sea and wide open uncrowded beaches. So I feel very fortunate. There is also plenty to get involved in with URA and charity activities at the Alnwick Garden. Also a wonderful second hand bookshop called Barter Books. I could go on. ?

Meant to say U3A

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sorry, for those whose retirement plans have been shattered due to bereavement.
Welcome to Aussiegran - I’ve only recently realised that this site covers other countries, not just U.K. That really is great!