The life you could have had

My parents were planning to emigrate to Australia when I was eleven but my mother changed her mind at the last minute. I often wonder how different my life could have been.

I wish I had tried harder at school and had better careers advice. All I got was, 'Are you going to be a nurse or a teacher'. I trained as a teacher and hated it. I ended up working in admin.

I wish I hadn't married my first husband. However, I am glad I married my second husband who I would probably never have met if I hadn't married my first IYSWIM.

I'm happy and content with my life and the decisions I've made. Married at 19 and still happy. I will always bitterly regret our estrangement from our youngest son and only GC, but that was his decision, not ours.

I’m another very content with the choices I’ve made. On reflection, if we’d stayed in London and kept the two houses we’d lovingly restored from wrecks we’d be millionaires. But we would have missed out on safely bringing our children up in a lovely part of the country. Also for them and us, making great lifelong friends. So no regrets.

I feel happy and content. I’m an impulsive person, as is Orlin, so have to admit that our happiness has come more from good luck than good management.

We are the product of our childhood and to a certain extent things beyond our control. I don't really think that I could have made different choices, so I don't go down that path. We have to learn from our mistakes, surely that's what life's all about?

True Daisymae

Married very young 19 and don't regret it for all the ups and downs.
I would have had to have had a very different father to follow a completely different life, as he arranged for me to leave school and do a secretarial course. I did have the chance to take A levels but he couldn't see the point. I did do other exams later.

I often wonder this. I wish I'd had confidence and had been brave. I've missed so many opportunities.
It's no good blaming other people. However, my mother taking me to a dentist aged 11 and letting him take all of my teeth out when there was really no need, totally destroyed my confidence and self esteem. The violent abusive childhood made me what I am I believe. I was and am, fearful and pessimistic. Every day is a struggle. Sorry that's depressing but it's how it is.

One regret, that my father died in my teens. So much I want to ask him, but very grateful for the guidance he gave me while he was here. He was a good man. Everything else, I'm grateful for the life I've had. I only wish I had better health now, but things come with age. Ive come to learn to be content, took me a long time, but Im more content now than when I was younger. Very grateful for a good family.

I was one of eight children from a big family I was quite bright and would have liked to study and have a career. It wasn’t to be we were simply told you need a job to bring the money in. My mum and dad were hard working and loving but they were brought up with the same attitude.

I married my first boyfriend when I was 26 yrs bought a nice house. I was a home bird and we moved again ten minutes away from my family home. We had nice holidays but I never wanted to live far away from home. I went to night school and got some qualifications I liked my job working in the public sector. I was really looking forward to the future. My husband turned out a monster just like his own absent father. It was a miserable existence he was controlling and abusive until I divorced. This gave me the opportunity to study more and I had academic success something I only dreamt about as a child.

I met a friend from years earlier who was still single we started dating. I trained to learn new skills and I worked on his family business with him. My children were still very young and accepted him straight away. We married and both sold our properties and bought the house we are still in.
I have no regrets even marrying my first husband it taught me a lot about behaviour. I had my two children who made me the person I am now.

travelsafar

Me too. If only we could turn back the clock with the knowledge we now have.

One of my mother's sayings was
"If I knew then what I know now"

We wonder if life would have been so different but we can't change the past.
I should have been braver, more assertive and more confident too!

We were all set to emigrate to New Zealand. I had my RMN qualification and they were recruiting nurses at the time. We were all set to apply for visas etc when my husband's mother became ill. He didn't want to leave the country while she was so poorly.
We put off our application, but after that, the time never seemed right.
We didn't go, and it is the biggest regret of my life.

No, I went through some awful s*it but I don’t want to be anywhere else than where I am now.

I’ve made some mistakes when young but glad I was allowed to make them. Now I have no regrets that ‘I did it my way’.

I`m happy with my lot,i don`t live in the past,there`s no point in thinking " what if ".
It is what it is.

MiniMoon

We were all set to emigrate to New Zealand. I had my RMN qualification and they were recruiting nurses at the time. We were all set to apply for visas etc when my husband's mother became ill. He didn't want to leave the country while she was so poorly.
We put off our application, but after that, the time never seemed right.
We didn't go, and it is the biggest regret of my life.

Yes, we were offered the chance to go many years ago but my mother was very ill at the time too.
We regretted it for years but have since visited NZ - it's lovely but I don't feel regretful any more although I think DH still might.

My life has mainly been led by the DH I married. No regrets there, but the other two opportunities I had could have lived a very different life. One I don't know what has happened the other I would have had to change completely and never have been the person I really am.
Yes, I have made mistakes over the years with the children but all seem to have worked out eventually.
Just one regret I had to live and work for many years in a city I did not like, which has led to us practically moving back to our roots and the children at the other end of the country.
I think like the Edith Piaff song as well. More happiness to come.

I think for every other option of what I could have had, I know there would be a downside.

I would love to be able to live in New Mexico again. It truly was a beautiful place. But I know the downside to living is the US is that it is the US and there is lots I really don't like about it.

And Spain, beautiful, and my school would have been wonderful for my DGS. But the natives were very unfriendly and really disliked the British, so long term, it would have been hard. Great health service though!

I think if I could have looked into the future, to the life I have now, there are only a couple of things I would have changed. Get divorced much sooner. Why be miserable?
And stop being so critical about my family and accept that we are all flawed.

Mostly, I would be astounded at how much I was able to achieve, for a girl who left school with only one O Level.

This thread has reminded me of the film Sliding Doors.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Da-Mizk86AE

Life is a permanent crossroads. In my case the other routes would have been different, not necessarily better or worse, just different.

If I could change one thing it would be shaking off the negative effects of my childhood as soon as possible and not waiting until I was in my 50s to do so.

Totally agree Coastpath. I feel exactly like this at the moment. I can almost feel the other lives, existing with me, just in different realities. I'm not sure I like the sensation much!

Pinkcosmos
Same here. I shouldn’t have married my first ( and only) husband
But I met my now partner ( 42 yrs) through that marriage.
I think we were destined to meet as we discovered that we had just missed each other working together at 3 different companies.

I have always thought that the two saddest words in the English language are IF ONLY........

What is the point? Anyway, no-one can really know what pitfalls and disasters that parallel life may have occured.

Obviously, with the benefits of hindsight many of us can look back and recognise wrong decisions made, but it these, as well as the good ones, that make us what we are now.

So, my marriage should never have taken place (and I knew that almost from Day 1) BUT.......the wonderful children that have come out that are worth any of the heartache that ensued. Nothing, now could be better than they and their children. So perhaps it was a good decision!!!

But it would make little difference now if it had not been. I am what I am now.

I understand why I made the bad decisions I did make.

What life would I have had if my parents had actually liked each other enough to stay together and raise me, instead of giving me away? I often wonder.

Henetha

Thanks FannyCornforth. I'm used to the whole thing now.
I spent years trying to stop feeling sorry for myself. I regard it with wry amusement that my mother tried hard to abort me, and then ditched me, but I have lived to be 84.
That showed her!