The life you could have had

I'm in the 'no regrets' camp - I met my DH while still with previous boyfriend. If I'd stayed with him I'd have ended up as a university professor's wife. No problem with that but with DH we went to live in Hong Kong for 20 years and did lots of travelling in that part of the world and made some great friends

I didn't regret any thing much until after 43 years of marriage I discovered my husband was having an affair . After that I discovered he was having another one. This only happened later in our lives so almost impossible to start again. I'm still trying to find positives. We live together but in different areas of house we are legally separated . He can't have any input into my life anymore but we are friends still.

Look forward not back, I have no regrets, even the bad times have made me who I am but I've been very fortunate, satisfied with what I have done, looking forward to what I will do, ever the optimist!

I sympathise Kate1949 enduring a very unhappy childhood I would not want to go through again. After a lifetime of seeking love, I can look back at myself and feel understanding for the person I was. Lack of love and rejection causes issues because there is no solid foundation to fall back on.
I chose a much older solid father figure (unconsciously) for a husband and I can see with my own DC how a secure and loving childhood kits you out for life.
On the lighter side, I wish I had been born in Paris and had lived in London, or some other capital city for a few years.
My childhood made me feel things were against me and I had to fight harder, but would give up disheartened if rejected.
Two halves to my life, rotten first half and good on the whole second half and we are still here!
Some moving stories here ?to all of you.

My life as observed by me.
Fortunate that I achieved my ambitions.I knew what I wanted and went out in the world and by hook or by crook fortunate to achieve them My regret ? I want to do it all again.
This will have to be without a doubt, another me, in another life, somewhere out there ? who knows where.

The only thing I wonder about is that in my mid 20s I signed up to be a TEFL teacher in Morocco.

My dad, a reserved, late-Victorian Scotsman, rang me up and said, If you do this, I'll probably never see you again.
He was not an overtly emotional man, never manipulative, so this was so unexpected, that I stayed in England. And indeed, he was dead before the year was out.

I have had a contended life, still having it in fact, but occasionally wonder what would have happened if I had exchanged English suburbia for Moroccan adventure.

I have made good and bade decisions, been through some very tough times but this might have happened whichever path I had taken. I don’t look back but I am secure in the knowledge that I have done my best for the people round me. I have lovely family and very close friends, live in a beautiful place with a wonderful husband and home. Enjoy each day, regrets are counter productive.

Hi
I’ve just recently lost both my husband and my mother and had similar thoughts.
However I have come to my senses and realised that life is short and can only be lived in the present. Yesterday is what is says - yesterday and just a memory. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. But today is here and to be enjoyed and, hopefully, to become a memory.
Carpe firm!

One regret- my year abroad pre Uni - scrambled my emotions. I would have enjoyed University more I think if I had chosen a different year away. Mostly look back on lucky escapes, men I could have married, so pleased I married the man I did. Regret not being more assertive at times.

The only regret I have is that I didn't realise my daughter suffered from anxiety; I just thought she was awkward and spoiled. I wish I'd met my husband earlier because he took the chaos out of my life. Other than that, any stupid decisions did bring a learning experience and my son! I wouldn't change that for the world. I think, on the whole, I am happy with my lot.

Wish I could delete my posts . I think Terribull was correct with the Matt Haigh book title.

Both are worth a read.

TerriBull

I think someone mentioned this book up thread, Kate Atkinson's "Life After Life" superb, very much on the theme of the imponderable "what could have been" if the main character had gone down a particular route at certain junctures in her life. I tried the Matt Haig book, "Midnight Library" thinking it would be similar but I didn't like it all.

I think the Matt Haigh book you mean is called How to stop Time.

Blurb says, 'HOW MANY LIFETIMES DOES IT TAKE TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE?

Tom Hazard has a dangerous secret. He may look like an ordinary 41-year-old history teacher, but he's been alive for centuries. From Elizabethan England to Jazz-Age Paris, from New York to the South Seas, Tom has seen it all. As long as he keeps changing his identity he can keep one step ahead of his past - and stay alive. The only thing he must not do is fall in love . . .

In the 1990s I had an amazing glitzy year in the USA as a "visiting professor" at Uni of Nevada. I could have stayed on for another year but was beginning to get homesick.

When I told the academics I was staying with about my poor background they asked me to be a "motivational speaker" at a glitzy charity event. They were very much into the charity circuit raising money for good causes. I expected just to get paid expenses but I got paid $1000. This was followed by several other invitations. I now realise I could probably have made a good living at it over there, just by talking in a matter of fact way about how I had overcome the diffculties of a background where no one supported me.

Americans love that kind of thing. We Brits are often snippy and jealous of someone who pushes themselves to get on. America is a "can do" society where people often work 2 or 3 jobs because they dont have the featherbedding of benefits.

I don’t really see the point in regrets. Things haven’t always gone the way I expected or dreamed of, but I am pretty happy with my lot.

My only regret is that I wish that I had bought my Mother flowers more often, just because she loved them ?

No I don’t think their is.

I always told my students 'Don't be a coulda, shoulda, woulda - just DO!'.

My friend, always underconfident and cautious, constantly regrets all the things she didn't do.

I can honestly say that I don't regret anything I decided to do (having done a lot) and I'm really content now, happy to just drift along and potter about - living a simple life. My contentment drives her mad!

I’ve made some bad decisions in my life but I don’t like back with regret- at least not the ones that affected me. I have some regrets concerning the way I treated my son ( teenage at the time)after my divorce from his father but I try to forgive myself as I was in a bad way.
Best to only look forward imho..

Many wrong decisions and failed relationships. My poor school record and exam results - when everyone said that I was bright but didn’t ‘apply’ myself - has finally been explained. I have been diagnosed - even at my advanced years - as having ADHD. As a child/ adolescent, my condition was not recognised (and it is a physical as much as mental one). Looking back, it is quite clear that my brother, too, had this condition. It doesn’t change anything, obviously, but it does lift feelings of guilt and failure. There have been times, when I was absolutely focused and supported, that I achieved brilliant successes, such as a First Class Honours degree as a (very) mature student, and publishing 2 novels. Anyone else had a similar experience?

I wonder if this reflection on what might have been has developed because of the semi-isolation brought about by covid?
Recently I have been musing on two decisions I made when twelve and twenty-one, and now regret rejecting the opportunities offered.
Poignant, as someone said but also probably make-believe.

I've really enjoyed the different things I've done in my life and the places I've visited - some for pleasure, some for work. I've been really lucky. I was an only child which I think helped me with regard to confidence. Life is quieter now. The pandemic affected me insofar as I retreated into a 'shell' for quite a while, and I'm no longer a 'go getter' but I've lots to write about for my grandchildren - if I every get round to it!!!!

all at all

I think someone mentioned this book up thread, Kate Atkinson's "Life After Life" superb, very much on the theme of the imponderable "what could have been" if the main character had gone down a particular route at certain junctures in her life. I tried the Matt Haig book, "Midnight Library" thinking it would be similar but I didn't like it all.

I might have done better with different parents. But then there were parents even worse than mine so who knows. I can’t remember much before I was 10 except that I was told that I was their only child who ‘gave them trouble’. From then on life was a mess and my only wish was to get away. I used to hope that I was adopted and my real parents would turn up one day and rescue me. I made life-changing mistakes before I was properly grown up and married to escape which brought me 40 years of stress.
But I have my lovely caring children and my darling grandchildren and though past my live by date and struggling with ill-health, I have more freedom of choice now than ever in my life.
I try not to think about them but the ‘ what ifs’ still hang around.

Of course luck plays a part. The family you are born into is luck, good or bad. It's bad luck if you are given no love, encouragement, praise, and are neglected and experience things no child should, it's bad luck. It holds you back.
If you are born into a loving, supportive family, that's good luck and gives you the tools to make good choices, even if you don't always make good choices you have been given the tools.