The life you could have had

Well we are where we are aren’t we. I have one major regret which if I had been brave enough would have taken me in a different direction. I do thing about it sometimes, but then I wouldn’t have had the children I have or my lovely DH.

Kate , Henetha .

Thank you Grannmarie

I can’t think of any bad decisions I made, loved my husband, didn’t choose for him to die after 8 years of marriage, didn’t
choose for my darling daughter to have bipolar and take her
life, didn’t choose to be dependent on a wheelchair.

Oh, did choose to cut off people after my daughter’s suicide because of their judgements on her mental illness and suicide.

I imagine the pandemic has caused most people to reflect on their lives, I don't think this is a bad thing as it makes us draw a line under things and make peace with them before moving forward

Grannmarie Thank you.
henetha Annie.
Sometimes our attitude to life is not of our own making. Some people can pick themselves up and be happy despite horrible things. Some cannot.
In my case, I am constantly on edge waiting for the next bad thing.
If course I've had some lovely times thanks to my husband and lovely family. I think I'm a bit broken really.

That’s very wise and positive Jane

Annie I’ve said it before, but I’m so sorry about your husband and daughter.

I spent my 30s in a "coulda, woulda, shoulda" frame of mind and by 40 decided that what I wasn't happy with by then either had to be changed by me or put up with for the rest of my life. So I made two life changing decisions and have never looked back or regretted them for a second. Life is full of compromises; we make the decisions at the time, with the information we have available. I have no regrets and no recriminations. Life is good.

nadaturbe, luck does not come into it. My life has been down to my choices, starting from childhood. Too many people say `luck` in order to justify their own life choices

My life has been chaotic, full of changes, many people and different homes but it's part of my personality...liking new things, changes and fresh starts, so I can't complain. I've learnt so much. Every decision I have made seemed to be the only one to make at the time, as if there was no real choice.

A difficult childhood, difficult relationships within the family have led me to explore different lifestyles to see if they 'fit'. I've yet to find anyone completely on my wavelength but that's ok.

My marriage gave me a stability, a home and 2 sons [now both with 2 children] who have made my life worth living so grateful to my exH for that.

I'm now safe, well, content, reasonably at peace, living a simple life alone but in my lovely home, garden, with my books, financially sound and am grateful for every day. So I can't have got it all wrong.

My sons are the only ones who have not let me down in life though. The ones that have let me down were great at the time and right for me at the time. I can say I have bucket loads of good memories...and hope to make more before I depart.

I sometimes wonder how things would have been, if I had stayed in Australia after my marriage broke down rather than return home to the UK.
I was in a foreign land that I had only just begun to feel at home in after 5 years, no family close by and no friends - only the ex's family who were really quite inclusive , as I only had worked part time and that as for my mother in law.
Who knows? I might have actually had my own house rather than renting, and maybe even some sort of financial security ?
At the time I couldn't see the point in staying with a 12 month old to take care of, along with having to watch my ex carry on his life as if neither of us existed - instead he was able to do that at a distance !

When I passed the 11 plus examination I was offered a scholarship to a very exclusive girls’ school in Worcester. My father’s career in the police was on the up and he was getting many promotions which sometimes meant moving house and changing schools. They suggested I could have a more stable education as I could board in the week and go home at weekends and holidays but left the final choice to me. I said no because I was very shy and it seemed very daunting but also because I loved my parents very much and couldn’t bear the thought of being away from them. I don’t regret my decision but sometimes wonder how different my life might have been. DH says he is very thankful that I said no. As it happened I only had two schools after primary school and made lifelong friends in both schools.

karmalady

nadaturbe, luck does not come into it. My life has been down to my choices, starting from childhood. Too many people say `luck` in order to justify their own life choices

Oh but you have been lucky. Of course our choices matter. and we can't always blame others for bad choices, but sometimes things happen that are outside our control and our lives are altered for ever. I call that bad luck.

Exactly nadateturbe

I’d say that it’s nearing 100% luck or chance.
Starting with which time and place you are born in; then your genetic makeup; and then your parents situation.
And that’s just for starters!

Often 'luck' simply means you saw opportunities that other people didn't notice or acted fast when other people stopped to chat.

When DS's playgroup shut three weeks into term. The other mothers stood outside discussing what they would do. I cut the chat and headed immediately for the other two playgroups in the village and got the one spare space in one of them. Everyone told me how 'lucky' I was. I wasn't lucky I just thought and acted quickly.

I met a lovely lawyer from Naples when I was about 20. I recently found a letter he had written expressing disappointment that I hadn't followed up the friendship. At the time I was too busy to even think about him but a life in Italy could have been nice.

Wonder, wonder, wish, lessons to learn and regrets

Yes, i think we all fall into that mindset on some things .... BUT in my case, the 1 thing I DO know is that I wad meant to go to my mum and dad ( adopted ) i couldn't have been loved anymore and 1 thing i will be forever thankful for.

Another major thing, I was meant to marry the toss pot ( .....and that is putting it mildly) I married in order for me to have the 2 most precious children ( AC ) I have, so yes, we have lots of wondering and regrets but some of those that were meant to be....

nadateturbe

karmalady

nadaturbe, luck does not come into it. My life has been down to my choices, starting from childhood. Too many people say `luck` in order to justify their own life choices

Oh but you have been lucky. Of course our choices matter. and we can't always blame others for bad choices, but sometimes things happen that are outside our control and our lives are altered for ever. I call that bad luck.

Luck, the hand you are dealt ….call it what you will ,it must affect one’s life. I have made a few unwise choices in my life , which are down to me, but I have not had the misfortune to be deserted by my mother or abused by my parents or husband as some people on here have. Emotional trauma such as losing a parent when young or indeed a child or partner ,surely colours our thinking and often leads to bad choices as adults , not to mention poor opportunities as young people.

I have few regrets about decisions made in the past. So fortunate to be surrounded by loving and caring family members. When it came to choosing friends, well thats another story!

A couple of ill-judged decisions made as a teenager, changed my life completely from having the future I'd anticipated at that time. But in a different life I probably wouldn't have met my wonderful DH, with whom (so far!) I've had 40 happy years....

Indeed Atqui

I wish I had had more choices over employment. At my school the required careers were teaching, nursing or secretarial work, in that order. I only knew of one girl who chose to do something different, and I remember the teachers being very scornful and disapproving.
I wish I'd worked harder with my piano lessons as I can't play a note now and would like to.
Other than that, I'm very grateful for a wonderful DH of almost 50 years, my children and grandchildren, and the experience of living in a different country for many years.

I do think back to when I was a child! And things I did, but can honestly say I don’t have any regrets at all, I’m very happy and content with my lot, happily married and got good family, look forward to waking up each day and glad to be here

Well said!