The life you could have had

If I die tomorrow I will die happy....I have had such a lovely life...Brilliant hubby & family.....I'm not in the least bit materialistic and always been happy with what I have....I live with the motto ..never look back always look forward... Maybe just been lucky in life..

The moving finger writes and having writ moves on. Nor all.thy piety nor wit can move it back to cancel half a line, nor all thy tears wash put a word of it. Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam.

Pointless in the extreme. If I look back I just think Interesting how x led on to y and when things happen now wonder what they might lead on to. Your life is just your life with all its twists and turns.

I recommend the book 'The Midnight Library' by Matt Haig . It examines this very subject and it profoundly changed the way I thought about things. All decisions lead to small changes that have an impact far wider than you can probably imagine.

When I was only 14 a handsome 19-year-old Italian fell in love with me on a beach! He wasn't at all sleazy, really genuine. He wanted to marry me but I was overwhelmed by the whole experience. If I hadn't been, I might have been a Turinese Signora, with an Italian family. No, I never wonder what it would have been like. I hope he married someone more suitable and has had as happy a life as I have.

I sometimes wondered, how my life would have turned out had I stay in my country of origin and settle with a local guy.

Looking back, I have no regrets. Very pleased with the way my daughter has turned out considering that my husband is a son of an alcoholic and when I looked into his family history, the cycle of dysfunctionality has been going on for at least the last three generations.

My husband vowed to be a father to my daughter the father he never had and I like to think that I have given him the calm, unchaotic married life someone of his childhood background deserves.

DH said he got a family curse, but so far, it has not rubbed off on me. Been lucky, got the first job I applied for in the UK, managed to avoid redundancy, whenever I have a problem and become distressed, something always happen to save the day.

Suppose I'd worked a bit harder and not gone clubbing as much. I might have stayed on the first course I did after school (but I had so much fun).
I could have followed my Greek boyfriend home one summer and stayed there (but I'd probably have got skin cancer).
I could have stayed away from the man I married and found someone who was better for me (but I wouldn't have the lovely DSs and DGCs I have).
For every what if Gagajo there is some compensation. It's still cold and wet, it's been a long winter but spring is coming even in the NE.

I've never posted here. Just read the odd post. Had to respond to this.
8.5 years ago when I turned 50, I had a letter from my ex (been apart about a year I think). He said he couldn't live without me and asked to see me.
I agreed and he proposed. We'd been together 6 or 7 years off and on before that, but never apart so long.
He had prepared notes on what he needed to do before we could marry (to wind up his business, clear debts, etc). He estimated it would take 6 years. I wasn't happy and it was reduced to 4 years.
It actually took 8 years! We married last August - it was a lovely day.
3.5 weeks ago he walked out on me while I was at work. We hadn't argued, I didn't see it coming. He went back to his old life, which despite 8 years, he hadn't wound up.
What if I hadn't said yes when he asked to see me, or when he proposed?
I had got my life together and was used to managing without him. I may have found someone more stable to give the end of my life to.
I was widowed at 41 and this felt like that all over, but almost worse because he'd abandoned me. One of the last things I said to him was that I loved him. Odd, it was the same with my late husband.

I’ve made a total mess of it and am desperately unhappy

Never look back, we all have made mistakes but it’s the future that counts.

I have made mistakes and done things I regret but if I hadn’t taken those decisions I wouldn’t have my wonderful Daughters or my dearest darling Grandchildren-I’m still making bad decisions (probably£ but the love I give and receive from my children and their children is what I live for now- my own dear Parents have been so kind to me all these years (I’m 62 later this year) and I’m lucky enough to have 3 wonderful Sisters to help me care for them in their failing health.
I am happy in myself and people say why are you always so cheerful but it’s just the way I am !

I trained as a nurse when I was offered the chance to be classically trained as a singer. I don’t have any regrets because I wouldn’t have gone on holiday to Greece with a friend and I wouldn’t have met my husband! No regrets, of all my decisions this was the best, but then I was lucky I guess.

I regret not working harder at school and insisting I went to University but I would have got little family support, so didn't try as hard as I should. Regret marrying 1st husband but there again I wouldn't have my lovely DS. Do not regret first job I took post divorce, as that's where I met DH.

A normal childhood and an iota of confidence would have led me down a different path. However, my life is good but my self esteem is non existent.

I don’t even think about it- too busy making the most of the life I have

Sometimes ponder this. Think it natural although foolish/whimsical. I was offered a very prestigious job abroad. We (husband, toddler & baby) weighed up the pros and cons and, with immense difficulty, decided to stay put with family nearish. Apart from husband's early demise, I have no regrets but often just........... wonder..........

We walk the path we are supposed to take. We all regret and wonder 'what if'. Each turn is part of learning....

This is such a good thread. I’ve been thinking of posting something very similar but just not got around to it ?‍♀️. I do have regrets, I wish I didn’t but I do and I’m envious of those who are content. I too wish I’d had better career advice, gone to uni instead of being told by my dad that ‘it was ok I’d have a husband to keep me’. How archaic! My dad was lovely but it was just the era he lived in. I wish I’d branched out, gone to live in London, been more adventurous instead of staying in my home town. It’s probably an age thing, but that yearning is still there. I feel like I’ve under achieved and I don’t think that feeling will ever leave me. All this said and even though I married young, we’re still together and have a good life. Have two lovely children and one grandchild and for that I’m eternally grateful.

Never worried me. I always thought if I had a crystal ball I wouldn’t want to know the future having had quite a few knock backs over the years.
When we got to be the age we are and retired you try to make a life that is different from the working life we had.
My only big regret was my sons death in 2007 and could I have done more to save him (domestic violence) the guilt and if only
is with me everyday.

When I look back over my life everything I have done, every decision I've made has shaped my life. 1st marriage was a disaster, very controlling H, divorced quickly as I had met the man destined to be 2nd H. Together almost 10 years, my beautiful DD as a result of that marriage. 2nd H left us when DD was 4 years old. I went back to education for 3 years & a friend I made there introduced me to 3rd DH, 23 very happy years until I was widowed 9 years ago at age 57 (DH was 14 years older that me). Moved to Devon 7 years ago to be closer to DD & DGSs. I'm content living on my own, had a few adventures & few men in my life, I have no intention of marrying again but would be happy with a relationship if one should happen. I have lots of friends & live in a beautiful area. No regrets just lots of experiences good & bad, mostly good. to those of you who've had sadness during their lives

Norry55

I'm not wealthy, I don't have a lot of things (including a house) but I've had a great life that's been filled with love. A fair few highs and lows, but I believe the decisions you make, whether good or bad, make you into the person you are now. So if you're happy in your own skin, that's a successful life.

I think that "happy in your own skin" is exactly the way to think about your life: what you have, have done, and who you are. It's so sad when you know people who are disappointed in their life, there must be something there that they can think of with pleasure.

I have had difficult and very painful times in my life and I've also had good times - like most people, I imagine. But I want to celebrate the things in my life right now which I can be grateful for - for me, to spend time wishing I'd made different choices is a recipe for making myself miserable. There are many good things which have come out of the hard times - though when they were happening that was not easy to see. Please don't waste your life wishing for what might have been - instead find what you can be grateful for in the life you actually have. I find now that I get great pleasure from seeing flowers, the sky, dew on the grass, a child smiling - I know these things may sound too simple or even simple minded - but I guess lots of people will feel the same.I know for some people the life they have now is not easy - and I hope you can reach out and find support, and that there are some things for you to be glad you actually have.

I've had a sad life regarding my family. Now retired but as soon as I moved into a nice house I have become disabled. I try to make as good a life as I can but it's not easy.

Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that as one who took the road less travelled!

Whoever joins people this conversation self selects.

Probably the terrible failures such as myself don't want to brag.

I think it is only natural to look back. I Do quite a lot! I feel very lucky to have had such a good life with lovely family. Life has ups and downs. We have been married for 50 years which I’m quite proud of really? I might have taken a different path when I was younger but DH has been with me and there for me always. More years in good health is all I look for now. Make the most of Every Day.