The life you could have had

At the age of 20 I came to England from South Africa. I was one of only 12 passengers on a rather gorgeous small ship. Several passengers were titled. I became friendly with a Lord.. at the end of the voyage he asked me if I would like to visit him at his mansion. He was a lot older than I was and he had 3 adult sons. I said yes and he wrote down his phone number on a piece of paper.

Of course I lost the paper! Looking back I suppose I could have married either him or one of his sons... I could have been a Lady! But I was happily married to a man I met at work!

May be my age but the older I become am looking back on my life and how fortunate I have been. Much of this life was achieved that involved 'others'crossing my path but why only now.?

Oooh, what a lot of different paths we could have all gone down. The butterfly effect would make me not change a thing, because even the awful things in my life led to new and better things; I think I might not have been lucky enough to get the good without the bad. Imagine a bland 'nice enough but no highs' existence! I have been lucky with my life partner, after a ghastly abusive relationship at uni. Had I married the former goodness knows if I'd even be here to tell the tale. However, having finished with him and still at uni, I began going out with my now OH, a very different and lovely man, a fine art student full of creativity, adventures and laughter. That, plus the babies we made makes me happy to have given up some of the 'what ifs', but I do know I'm lucky. My mother was not so lucky (until my father died aged only 60), but then she would probably have said the 30 odd years after that were joy-filled.

If I'd known my DH would refuse to ever move out of the house we bought when we got married, I would have waited and chosen somewhere better. At the time I thought it was just a step on the property ladder.
At one point I nearly persuaded him we should buy a seaside guest house; I do sometimes wonder how that would've worked out but don't really regret it. We've had a very happy life on the whole.

I'm not wealthy, I don't have a lot of things (including a house) but I've had a great life that's been filled with love. A fair few highs and lows, but I believe the decisions you make, whether good or bad, make you into the person you are now. So if you're happy in your own skin, that's a successful life.

I got it all so wrong, mainly through naivety and my softest heart ruling my head. Parents broken-hearted at my marrying someone they deemed unsuitable, saying we were incompatible. They were right. My husband was controlling and definitely a loner, not interested in socialising and not liking any of my friends, and totally devoid of any care or compassion. I struggled on for 30 years. I still don't know why I could not see all this but that my parents could. I became deeply devastated that my beloved parents were so sad for me. I believe that my life's path was destiny!

I went to Drama School, met my lovely husband and had 3 lovey children and now grandchildren. I trained as an actress and/or teacher but chose the safe option of teaching. I just wish I had had a stab at the theatre. I know I could have mad it although that may be wishful thinking. It is a rotten life with lots of rejection but still.........

Try not to think about a life I might have had. As it is some parts of my life are very good and others not so good but who knows it might have been the same whatever choices I had made.

Something I've never thought about to be honest. I'm 64 and been married since the age of 19. We've had more than our share of worries and strife but we're still plodding along. How could i want things to have been different when I have 2 adult children and 6 grandchildren who are the apple of my eye. After reading this post, I did wonder where I would be now if I'd gone to university as planned, instead of getting married more or less straight after leaving school.

I regret all the time I wasted on men. They were all selfish, I was always trying to please. Single now for 15 years and the happiest I have ever been.

I don't really have regrets either. My husband is right for me, if a little cantankerous and irritating at times.
Strange really, we could easily not have met and both our lives would have been completely different.
I have one regret, involving someone I met at university and it never worked out - but I think I would have led him a merry dance and he is much happier with his wife. However he will always be "the one who got away".
There are certainly mistakes that I have made, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. Sometimes apparent mistakes ĺead to better things in the future.

My only regrets are my two failed marriages, neither husband was right for me. However, without them I wouldn’t now have three lovely kind adult children. I’m on good terms with both of the exes but shudder when I think of the wasted years living with them.

I thought a lot about the "What Ifs" during lockdown, and found a lot of comfort in the book "The Midnight Library" by Matt Haigh. As well as the storyline, the author had lots of interesting things to say about regrets, and the thing that resonated with me was that there will be happiness and sadness in any life, whichever path you take.

Well, my life has definitely not turned out the way I confidently expected it to when I was leaving school.

But I have never felt that I turned my back on opportunities.

The career I wanted, I didn't get, because those who taught at the Academy of Music didn't think I could make it. Nor were they at all helpful at suggesting alternatives. The attitude in the 1970s was "We know you are not good enough, so suck it up and go and do something else. It is no concern of ours."

Going to another country was impossible, as I could not take my student's grant with me, nor could I get permission to work in say, Austria, at that time.

So I got on with life as best I could.

When age 27, I voiced my concern about never meeting a man who might just possibly be a potential husband and father of the children I so dearly desired, friends and family more or less said, "Well, we don't know anyone you might like to meet" and that didn't help either.

If I missed opportunities, I did so because I frankly never realised they were present.

Now I look back and honestly cannot say I could have done anything different to what I did then, as the conditions that prevailed at the time precluded that.

Fortunately, I can also say that I am happy with the life I have and have had, with all its ups and downs, and broken dreams. These last were replaced with things I more or less fell into and had never thought I would have.

I've had a good life given my very disrupted childhood and crazy teenage years. I shouldn't have married the first husband it was a bad time with him.
Second marriage has been good so no regrets really.

It would be wonderful to be able to see where all the various "what if" paths would have led! But the fact is that we are here now, and have to believe that this is where we are meant to be. Once we accept that, we can be content and grateful and just enjoy it. It could be better perhaps - but it could be worse!

Can't have regrets, they made me who I am, been asked if regret my first marriage person who asked was surprised with my answer NO.
Because that would regretting my children and grandchildren

No regrets here. An ordinary life with some extraordinary episodes. Married at 19(!!!) and still with him 52 years later. We often say we’ve been lucky. I think the harder you work the luckier you get!

I never do this. Ok my life could have been better but if I’d chosen a different path it could have been a whole lot worse. I’m just so happy that going with the flow and not straying from the path that life has chosen for me that my children have grown up safe, happy and healthy. I am just content with that.??

The trouble is (for some people) things that have happened to you in the past, stay with you and make it virtually impossible to have a happy life no matter how hard you try.

I often wonder what my and my family's life would be like now if I hadn't returned to home town home when my folks were showing signs of needing some TLC. Remained since but can't help but feel family would have had more opportunities where we were.

Stuck with first husband till he died. Lots of highs, lots of lows. Certainly wouldn't have had the (good) experiences, but also wouldn't have had the dreadful ones. New husband is much more restful to be with. He worries that he isn't exciting enough for me, but actually that's exactly how I like it!

We all take paths we should not have trod, and get too nervous to take a different one, but I believe that if you just look at your friends and ask yourself “is there one of them, with whom I would swap my life completely (not just pick the best bits of their life) the answer will be no, and then you can just get on and enjoy the life you have. I am a happy, contented 75 year old who has made good and bad decisions, but I am certainly not going to fret about it.

Never look back. Always look forward

Know that feeling