How long do you think it takes to ‘really get to know someone?’

Anywhere between 5 minutes and a lifetime.

I take a long time to trust people and I am often put off by people who try to rush me into a friendship

I have a friend that I met 27 years ago. Husbands are friends and we do lots together and go away every year for a week. A recent friend asked me how X would react in a situation and I was totally stumped. I had to admit although I knew my friend, I didn’t really ‘know’ her. I know her personality traits but there are times when she doesn’t react the way I would expect her to.

CanadianGran
I have edged up VERY CAREFULLY on my fence ( don't want anymore splinters !!!!!! Ouchhhh )

There is now room for you. We shall sit and 'observe'.

I think I have always been a fence sitter, but hang on a minute, I let the biggest cretin sneak past my fence ( ex husband!!!) So, I MUST have nodded off as he sneaked past ......

Anyway, whatever, there is room on my fence now .....

Well you can know someone for a lifetime, then suddenly see a different side too them.
Also we all change over time , & sometimes it’s just time to move on.

I don't think you can ever really know someone. They show the side they wish to show, they say their side of a story, they say what they know you want to hear, they don't want to rock the boat, they may choose how much to reveal for any number of reasons. You really have no idea of their thoughts and feelings 100%, or how they really feel about so many things.

I always think the real person can be hidden for years and then another side shows in times of stress and difficulties. That's when they can surprise you and you can wonder how you ever thought you knew them as well as you thought you did.

I'm saying this from experience. As time goes on [many years in some cases] and events happen the true character emerges.

missingmarietta, spot on!

With some people, you never 'really get to know' until an unusual, stressful situation arises. You can test out a person's character - by carefully creating 'problems' for them to deal with.

My first husband was a wonderful friend and companion - until we got married. He then relaxed and stopped making an effort. I didn't much like the real him!

I think it's vital to observe how they behave with their family, friends and strangers too.

I usually make up my mind about someone on the first meeting. In all the years I have only changed my mind about someone once. The daughters think it’s crazy but like I said I’ve only been wrong once , my instincts must be pretty good.

Hetty58 My husband too was also a good friend, a good husband, reliable, hard working, supportive etc for years....until we had a mortgage, and had children and he had a period of being on strike for a while.

The stress and worry about money and responsibilities made him resent me and his sons. [His mortgage had been paid all the way through the strike though].

I've also watched a friend of 22 years become influenced by rich friends, a huge salary and noticed a degree of dishonesty with others, a lot of bending of the truth going on. As she rose to the top her views became very controversial, very 'woke', and she became very self absorbed. Then she was dishonest with me. I don't know why I was surprised really. So did she change or did the 'true' character come out? [I'd noticed but ignored the signs beforehand, more fool me].

*Husband became the ex husband.