Needing a stencil

Many years ago I was called for jury duty and the witness was asked just how much he had had to drink. "Well I'd had a fair bit, but I wasn't abbreviated". The poor man looked confused as the entire court laughed out loud. That joined the family vocab.

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I was discussing my daughters recent diagnosis and her need for a gluten free diet with the lovely lady at the B&B we were staying in. No problem she said, we have lots of guests who are celeriac.

My mums next door neighbour used to complain about the flying midgets.

I visited my cousin in rural Ireland. She was in the field behind the farmhouse tending to the cows when I arrived. As I approached her I could see a cloud of midges hovering around her. She flapped her arms in exasperation and said “Working in this heat is bad enough without being eaten alive by bl** midgets”

Well, you know what troupons are like when it comes to fags.

Pleased to hear your neighbour has had her stencil fitted, sorry to hear she's smoking like a troupon!! lol

That's hilarious!!!

A student friend in the sixties returned to our digs having had a nerve-racking experience; the man seated opposite her on the tube had been masticating himself all through the journey.

Somehow I missed this thread so thankyou for the ?

I hope your neighbour's friend has a new lease of life with her stencil ?

I just wanted to update this.

The person has had their stencil fitted, but the worry of it all has my neighbour smoking like a troupon.

My Grandmother told everyone she'd had an historical ectomy.

Overhead in a cafe some years ago, an elderly man was telling his daughter that he didn’t want any of that HRT milk.

Had a bit of a lazy start this morning and read aloud some of these to DH before we got going for the day. Made us laugh so much - a good way to start the day. Thanks for these everyone.

My late Auntie Sheila was once heard to remark “Look at her fornicating round him!” I think she meant fawning.

My mother and aunt would endlessly discuss her daughter's dogging activities.
She used to exercise her 3 dogs...

MiniMoon

I worked in a grocery shop in my youth. A customer once came in and asked for dedicated coconut.

My Mum called it desicrated coconut. My little nephew recited the prayer he'd learned in assembly. Our Farmer which are in heaven, Harold be thy name!

A quinch.
I like that.

My dear old dad used to ask me to buy him a Quinch, of course he meant a Quiche, and after he had a stroke, he looked out of his hospital window and said, look a Sqirl, yes it was a Squirrel...its funny but those two words are still used by the family to describe the objects of his affection.
My oldest grandson, 27 today, came in one day and told his mum he was complicated....of course he meant constipated, again another word that has stayed in the family vocabulary !!

A friend, referring to something outrageous (out-for-ages as DGS would say)
said it was ’Diabollicky’

We were picking plums from our plum tree, my daughter said'I don’t want that one it’s got a magnet in it'
She also shouted very loudly in Tesco ' Mum I’ve got my titiness back’

Liverpool hospital. A long time ago doctor told my patient he would order an echo(cardiogram) , she told him she didn’t want an Echo as she had the Daily Mirror delivered .

The family were visiting and DH cooked his Duck leg stew. Our GD when asked if she would like more said yes some more Dog leg stew, please. It has been called it ever since.

8 year olds were asked in class what they wanted to be when grown up. Little laddie came home and told his mother : mummy, mummy, when Kim goes up she wants to be a rabbit [rabbi] - she is one now!