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What should I do about a long-standing holiday?

(40 Posts)
FarawayGran Wed 18-May-22 23:33:57

For several years we have taken my son and his family to a cottage by the sea. We all love it, The beach is over the road, and there are lovely walks in any direction.
The problem is that I am living with Mesothelioma. I had Chemotherapy several years ago, which helped, but the tumors have come back and have spread. I am now on Immunotherapy, but that has side effects. I get tired very easily, don't have much of an appetite, and have moments of worrying about my future.
I think we have 3 options:-

1. To cancel the holiday because I won't be able to walk very far, and I have to avoid the sun. So I can't relax and read a book outside.
Basically, the holiday costs around £1000, and I don't want to spend so much on a holiday I won't enjoy.
Perhaps I could give my son some money as a compensation for not going (they are not well off)

2. To send Grandpa with them. He is not keen as apart from being hard work (he is 76). Our GS wets the bed nearly every night. This is not good as it means washing/drying making the bed whilst hoping the pee hasn't gone through to the mattress. (I already had to pay for new bedding after a previous visit).

3. To send them on their own. This is not agreeable because of the bed-wetting, and their untidiness. Neither are they good at leaving the place clean and tidy.

Writing this has clarified one thing, I don't want to send them on their own.

I will have to cancel soon, if that is what we choose to do.

MissAdventure Fri 20-May-22 12:18:58

I wouldn't go.
It doesnt sound at all relaxing for you, and that is what a holiday is all about.

Merryweather Fri 20-May-22 12:22:07

My add is 10 and has urinary incontinence. She wears a nappy at night plus we use the huge inconvenience sheets too.

Would you enjoy the break if you and your husband went alone or go alone?
Is it possible to hire a wheelchair. At 42 with three kids I’d be lost without mine.
Personally I wouldn’t take the family this time. It sounds like you need a rest. Your family need to look after you not the other way around. As for paying for them to have a holiday, personally I wouldn’t. They need to learn to finance this themselves. It’s very nice of you to do this for all the years you have but don’t let them become reliant on you financially or for physical help.

Bromley Fri 20-May-22 12:30:44

I’m so sad for you. I do hope that your health improves.

You need to put yourself and your husband first now,.
You cannot cope with more tiredness and stress .
If necessary,tell a white lie,and say that your Doctor has told you to rest quietly at home.
I send you good wishes.

readsalot Fri 20-May-22 13:26:17

I would say cancel too. Time to put yourself first and spend the money on something you and DH enjoy. Pull-ups available in quite large sizes and water-proof sheets too.

GraceQuirrel Fri 20-May-22 13:32:09

Cancel the holiday. That ship has sailed. Nice while it lasted. Sounds like no fun to me running around after messy people who are obviously using you.

annodomini Fri 20-May-22 13:56:03

I hope your son knows the score about your illness. If he does, he will surely have to acknowledge that it's about time to organise his own family's holidays - especially if, as you suggest, you give him a contribution. It would be far too taxing for you to go with them from now on.

Riggie Fri 20-May-22 14:08:31

I would have thought the family should know all the precautions they can take to make sure the bed and bed linen is protected from accidents? And why would it be Grandpa's responsibility to deal with any laundry from their child wetting the bed??
But maybe time to pause these holidays for mow. Why not help them find a different cottage that they can afford, with your help of you feel generous.

H1954 Fri 20-May-22 14:22:39

I cannot understand why your family expect you to go to be honest nor do I think it's fair that they expect you to take the responsibility for the bedwetting, cooking, tidying up etc either.

Time to focus on yourself and I wish you well for your treatment.

grandtanteJE65 Fri 20-May-22 14:39:50

I am so sorry to hear of your health problem.

In your place I would write now and cancel the holiday. Once I had confirmation of the cancellation, but not before, I would phone my son and tell him, if you have not already done so, about your current situation and that you have cancelled the holiday booking, as you have no strength and have to keep out of the sun.

I would do it this way, so there was no risk of being talked into letting them go on their own, as they obviously cannot be trusted to deal either with their bed-wetting child on their own, or with a holiday let.

If they should go in a huff about this, then it is just too bad. The important thing is your health, and your husband's.

jaylucy Fri 20-May-22 15:01:07

I would certainly go along with those that said that you need to speak to your son and his OH.
Please be honest with them and explain your worries. I am guessing that they have been allowed to be untidy etc while away while they had you running around after them !
If you don't think that you will enjoy it, tell them and look for an alternative, possibly one that is cheaper - there are many other options such as a static caravan somewhere in this country that may well be just as enjoyable - or even 2 - one for you and your husband and one for the rest of the family . The second will be their responsibility to keep clean and leave tidy (just make sure that the booking agent has their contact details !)
As far as the bed wetting - you don't say how old GC is but there are pads, waterproof sheets, pull ups etc that they can use - any chemist will stock them. Take an old sheet to use rather than the one supplied and it will be up to them to do the laundry - since when has it been yours ?

Madashell Fri 20-May-22 15:08:29

So sorry to hear you are so unwell. If I were you I would cancel the holiday - it is an expensive do if you won’t enjoy it.

Let the family sort themselves out and spend the money on you and him indoors. It sounds like you need lots of TLC and treats. You have done your bit for the family so do what’s right for you. I hope the treatment goes well - it is effective but can knock the stuffing out of you. Take care.

ALANaV Fri 20-May-22 18:51:32

There are specialist holidays for the 'disabled' of all descriptions ....would be great for you and your husband if you could go on one of those...... you need a break ! I am sure you would feel re energised after ! I was only able to go away after my husband died ....cared for him for 5 years with Parkinsons, etc .....so now over 70, I am getting my travelling in whilst I am still able ....no one is promised tomorrow and I have now virtually seen all the places I always wanted to ....don't like hills or steps any longer, but walks with lots of stops are ok ! You can also hire wheelchairs or buggies in most places.....go and enjoy it whilst you can ....and if there is any money left, give it to your son for a holiday that caters for the child's problems ....you can ask around ...good luck

Deedaa Fri 20-May-22 18:59:29

We had to cancel a couple of holidays when my husband had cancer before we gave up booking them at all. We had one holiday in Italy but that was just the two of us and we stayed with friends so we had support if anything went wrong. I think the time has come to tell your son that you are just not well enough. If your husband is 76 your son surely can't expect these family holidays to go on for ever. It's disappointing but there's no point spending money on something you won't enjoy.

silverlining48 Fri 20-May-22 20:01:19

The idea of a happy idealised family holiday is often different to the reality, especially if you have to take on most of the work, and agree with others who feel that it will just be too much fir you and your husband. Do something on your own, or not. Whatever suits you.