People who won’t tell you what they want and expect you to guess

I generally buy what I want throughout the year and often don't know what I would like for Christmas or birthday. Neither does my husband - so we don't give each other anything. It works well for us

No, it’s a male thing

DH and I no longer buy presents for each other , we simply have a holiday fund , not used since the pandemic so hopefully this year a mega break !!

I write a list for Xmas for family of things I would really like
Last years list was
Chocolates
Flowers
Long sleeve t shirt
Slippers mules
Tickets to theater
Trip to London
Karcher window vac
Electric toothbrush
Cookery book by gino
Leather Gloves
Socks
Something for every budget for my 3 ADC to buy that I really wanted
OH wanted a new tablet so it was a joint present between the 3 of them
I always give money to AC with a bottle of alcohol and tin of chocolates, unless they specifically tell me of an item they want.
Sisters get baskets of fruit and flowers or chocolates which is always welcome
OH and I don't buy for each other but usually book a holiday together

To paraphrases Meatloaf, anythings fine but not 'that' - we'll never know in his case but the sort of person who genuinely thinks you should know exactly what they want and will be very upset if you don't guess it right, now that really pisses me off. If they say they don't mind, anything is OK, I take them at their word these days.

My mother was like this she would find something wrong with every gift and wasn't shy about telling you either, which I think is really rude. I managed only one time to buy her a gift which she seemed genuinely happy with. She'd suddenly started to like and collect garden animal ornaments. I found and bought her a lovely smiley pig one and wrapped it in new tea towels because she was always short of them. As I handed it over I thought she might complain about the tea towels being a gift for the house and not a gift for ~her~ but she actually loved them! Nearly fainted with the shock .

I ask there is no point in a random present that may not be appreciated.

I've a friend who has regifted presents back to me twice now. I'd rather she asked me what I would like if this is going to keep on happening, but obviously she doesn't like what I buy her either lol. Maybe we should stop giving presents to each other, but who's going to bring the subject up....

It makes you realise the whole idea of gifting in comparatively wealthy societies is absolutely pointless.
The time and effort involved in thinking of ideas, researching etc, not to mention the cost, are all wasted and wasteful?
Why does anyone bother?
The other thing I have always found pointless, is buying gifts between couples….does everyone have their own separate money?
We’ve always pooled any income for 40+ years.
I’m quite proud of the fact that we get things when we want/need them and have never wasted anything on pointless gifts.

I love surprises, but never get them. I'm a great believer in people listening as often the other person will let you know what they want without telling you. I think the present giver should chose eat to give and it should be a surprise.

I believe both genders are guilty of this one. We grow up being told to not be so bold as to ask and then wonder why so many do this later and frustrate their friends and family by not asking. I do my best to get around this issue by jotting down the different things people mention throughout the year and hopefully they've mentioned something in front of me. My family know that anything for my hair or a cordless power tool are my favorites. Although it didn't work well one year when I mentioned that I needed to get a router and my son bought me the computer router rather than the cordless work working tool that I'd actually hoped to get. I pretended to be excited about it and quietly exchanged it without his knowing. He'd never check or remember exactly which one he got me anyway. In the end, it really is the thought that counts.

I am not like that myself but my mother was and I found it hard to navigate.

they don't know what they want. And if they do are frightened of being labelled bossy or demanding. in assertiveness training this was personified as Iris Indirect. Non- assertive and profoundly irritating. If I ever picked my mum up on it she used to say I'm not selfish like you dear.

All the males in my family are nigh on impossible to buy for. I've found money to be gratefully received.

Not quite the same thing but equally annoying. Geographically distant relatives who ring to ask what DC want for their birthday or Christmas. You are prepared for this and are mindful of postage costs, so suggest a (name) voucher or a CD or a DVD and they promptly put the money in the post to you, and ask you to buy and wrap the present.

My friend's MiL does this to her every Christmas, just sends a cheque and asks her to buy whatever my friend thinks is suitable. So my full-time working friend has double the presents to think up, buy and wrap.

My retired sister does this to me too.

I have got this one sorted, I hated seeing my daughter stressing over what to buy me for Christmas ,birthday etc so I asked her for every occasion to buy me a gift voucher from my favourite Bueaty salon.
We are both extremely happy with this idea

I used to do this to the irritation of my family! Now I don’t as realised they wanted to know, genuinely wanting to get me something I liked! I often will ask for a specific thing, as long as not too expensive. More often than not it’s a book; I tell them to look on Amazon or similar websites to see if it is available secondhand. Good for the purse and the planet and I get a lovely treat I really want!

I would never dream of asking my husband what he wanted for dinner! We say, "what shall we have?" and then plan the meal based on what we have or need to get. I am not an employed cook, after all.

Well my mother was an expert at this. She would tell you that she wasn't bothered and didn't mind so you would guess and do something and then she would tell you exactly what was wrong with what you decided.

That is my mother too! Except she won't tell you what is wrong she will tell everyone else.

Both Mr A and I are like this, really. If there is something specific we want, or somewhere specific we want to go, we say. Other than that we are both so easy going it's quite surprising we get any dinner sometimes. Whoever is the hungriest will finally decide and the other one will say 'that's fine, thanks'. This morning we couldn't decide whether to go to Bracknell, Guildford, or Wokingham, and much to my surprise ended up in Reading.

My least favourite surprise present was from my MIL - an old winter coat of hers - lucky me.

The secret to good present giving is to observe the person, what are their passions and interests? Are there interests you share with them? Never give something that you would really like to receive. Otherwise ask or give a token.

My father though when asked would always say “anything I’m lucky enough to get” - which when you’re 7 or 8 is no d**n help.

Lesley60

I have got this one sorted, I hated seeing my daughter stressing over what to buy me for Christmas ,birthday etc so I asked her for every occasion to buy me a gift voucher from my favourite Bueaty salon.
We are both extremely happy with this idea

That's a good idea Lesley.
When my elderly next door neighbour was alive she used to have a mobile hairdresser I used to pay for her to have her hair cut for her birthday.
Trying to think of different things to buy year after year is a nightmare at Christmas. No one knows what they want, and that includes me. I now ask for vouchers to spend when I see something I'd like.
The only person that emails me a list to choose from is my brother-in-law. He's got a birthday in a couple of weeks and he's sent me a list already. Easy!

My dad always asked for a tin of his favourite tobacco. We knew he wanted it, he had money freed up to choose something he wanted for himself - problem solved.
Along those lines I did buy my daughter a tank of petrol when I was in her car close to her birthday, and that was well-received.

My mum on the other hand doesn't 'need' anything, get cross if we 'tempt' her by buying chocs or biscuits, says flowers make her sneeze but loves to have something to unwrap. I thought I'd solved it with herbal teas, which she drinks a lot of - but then I opened her kitchen cupboard to find she had enough to last a century! Back to the drawing board.

My son and daughter choose perfect presents for me, including a subscription to My Weekly from my son and a gym subscription from my daughter. Great gifts and well chosen.

I went to a friend's house years ago to take her a birthday present, only to find her in floods of tears because her household hadn't given her anything. It turned out that they had asked her what she'd like and she'd said not to bother (obviously meaning the opposite) and they had complied with her instructions. Ho hum....

I know this is terrible, but I wish my husband/ family knew by now 40 years + that I would always be delighted with a Liberty Silk scarf, Jo Malone or Penhaligons type eau de cologne or perfume, or some really nice ear rings , I have expensive taste if allowed or have the money, just a pipe dream, I went into Liberty's and thought I'd buy myself a scarf and then I read the prices...so I didn't...!!!I did buy myself a tiny bottle of Jo Malone cologne at the airport on the way to our first trip abroad since lockdown and can't possibly let my husband see the price just for a small bottle of red rose cologne....I like getting things family have made though, my son wove an amazing basket out of baler twine, I thought that was brilliant!