How long to settle in a care home

ixion

Please keep caring, Shinamae.
It means so much to so many people?
Thank you.

I will say the same.
Thank you so much, Shinamae, and all the carers like you. I don’t know what we’d have done without you. ?
And while I’m at it, ? and ?.

Many people here are dependant on the work of you and your colleagues and we owe you all a debt of gratitude?

And never, ever, regard your work as menial.
Please.

I add my thanks and greetings and want to say well done to you and all your colleagues. What you do is so valuable and worth while. Well done x

ixion

Many people here are dependant on the work of you and your colleagues and we owe you all a debt of gratitude?

And never, ever, regard your work as menial.
Please.

Thank you, it’s not particularly how I see my job but it is how it is viewed by others. Unfortunately it is not a profession and it should be as at the moment if you look in the paper there are always plenty of jobs in Care and you can literally walking off the street and get a job once you have had your police check done. But I don’t know how relevant those are anymore, there was a case a few weeks ago of a male carer I think in Liverpool raping,I think it was a 90 year-old woman with dementia. We have cameras in public places like the lounges and dining rooms but are not allowed them in bedrooms or bathrooms which I am against I think there should be cameras everywhere because if abuse is taking place it certainly will not be in the public areas. If a relative of mine had to go into Home I would make sure they were one of those tiny cameras in situ,families can put them in… I will say something about working at my care home,there is never a dull moment and it’s certainly not boring..?

My mum must have been one on her own when it came to love lies.

My father had died ten years before but she would always ask when he was coming to visit her. I used to love lie and say he might be able to come tomorrow. My mum's dementia was quite advanced and she had talked about visiting her mother (dead 40+ years)

The next day when I went to visit she was really upset and crying crying because my dad still hadn't been to visit.

This routine continued for quite a while. I didn't know what to do as I was following the 'love lies' advice.

Eventually, I ended up saying that he couldn't come because he had died a few years before and did she not remember. I didn't use those exact words but tried to put it as well as I could without upsetting her too much.

She just said, 'Oh did he (die)', and she never mentioned him again.

This situation still bothers me when I recall it as I truly didn't know what to do for the best. Dementia is a terrible thing

PinkCosmos
My relative (in her late 80s) asked me about her and my parents - had they really died because no-one would tell her the truth but she said she knew I wouldn't lie to her.
I hadn't heard of "love lies" so I did say yes, they all had, she cried and I cried too but she seemed to accept it.

Shinamae a big thank you from all of us who have relatives with dementia needing care.
?

I will remember the advice too.

@PinkCosmos, in such cases I think it may well depend on how advanced the dementia is.,

When my FiL’s was not too far advanced, he once shocked us (we were still fairly new to dementia then) by asking where MiL was. She had been dead about 10 years by then.

Being relatively new to it, we explained as gently as we could that she’d died some years ago. But he was terribly upset and cried - only to forget and ask again half an hour later.

So we started saying she’d just gone to the shops, or to visit Auntie So-and-So - which kept him quite happy.

OTOH my mother never asked where my father was - they’d had a very good marriage for 48 years and she was devastated when he died.

But when her dementia was pretty well advanced I was once showing her some old photos, inc. one of my father.

There was just a very vague, ‘Oh, yes - did he die?’ - but she was not in the least distressed. By then I think her memories were largely much further back. As someone once described it, they’re like shelves of books - newest at the top, and they’re gradually swept away, starting from the top.

Shinamae

I have worked in this mainly high dementia care home for nearly 4 years and it is not all bells and whistles it is quite tatty in a way,but the carers do actually CARE,to think about it you wouldn’t do this job if you didn’t care we are on minimum wage and I know there are several places I could go and get at least a pound more an hour BUT I do love this job I really do. What has been said previously about stepping into their world is so right, they could not comprehend the fact that even though they might be 98 that their parents would be dead so it’s just best to say they’re at work or when they asked to go home we say well the roads up to you know what it’s like around here for roadworks, will have to wait till tomorrow and things like that really really do calm them and then of course 10 minutes later they forgotten all about it but will ask you again. I’ve had a lot of jobs all of them are quite menial but this is quite a thankless job but when I step out the door at night I know I have done a good thing and helped very vulnerable people. I am 69 myself and it can be quite scary seeing dementia but how we treat our people brings a warm glow to me … and I will keep on working here as long as I am able

Lovely post Shinamae.
My dear hubby had Dementia and I was his carer for 6 years but unfortunately for the last 18 months of his life he did not know me. I used to put U-tubes on my computer of his beloved big band sounds and strangely he could tell me who the band leader was and even a bit about the persons life but as soon as the music stopped he would have that glassy eyed lost look back. He had to be put in a home when I broke my left hip in three places because I was incapable of looking after him but he did not last three weeks in the home before he died. Life can be a bitch at times.

Anotherfrom me *Shinamae *the goodness and joy most carers bring to their patients cannot be underestimated. As also the relief and thanks from exhausted family members battling with so many conflicting emotions after doing their very best. You're valued and appreciated ?

Nannee49 and Maywalk….thank you..????