Not being looked in the eye when talking with someone

I’m with social awkward, shy, cultural, autism or lying or feeling in some other way uncomfortable !

To which could be added deferential, respectful, fearful of causing offence, fearful of seeming aggressive.

I failed my nurse training interview because I didnt make enough eye contact with the two women who were conducting it.

If not a medical reason then they are rude and find you boring. Used to have a SIL who did this to me all the time. Tried to be polite to me but her eyes gave her away, she had no interest in what is was saying.

Namsnanny

I either feel uncomfortable, or assume, rightly or wrongly that the other person is also feeling that way, and try to put them at ease (I have been labelled a 'people pleaser' before).

I think first- autism spectrum and if I rule that out...untrustworthy/ liar...if I rule that out...low self- esteem.

Personally I hate it when people talking to me stare into my eyes, that is something I reserve for people close to me.

I was just about to say that.
Windows to the soul, so they say.
I don't want people looking through my windows!

Another reason is if the person has hearing issues they may be lip reading.

Dont be too harsh on people who cant look you straight in the eye, many cant for various reasons like having a squint, or another difficulty. I would have loved to look people straight in the eye but never could as I was born with a squint.

If I’m not looked into my eyes I don’t trust the person who is talking at me (not talking with me).

The Princess of Wales was a typical example of someone who never looked anybody in the eye.

Really? I’m sure I’ve seen lots of pictures of her shaking hands with people and looking them straight in the eye.

You will often find that people with hearing problems will watch lips rather than look into your eyes.

Which would be fairly obvious. I don’t think this thread is about watching lips, but avoiding looking someone in the eye by looking away from them.

Such an interesting topic. I have a friend who never looks directly at me when she’s talking but it’s because she is a person who just has to know everything that’s going on. Hence, her gaze is constantly roaming around in back of me, etc. It’s as if she knows she has my attention so she’s looking around to see what everyone else is doing lest she miss something interesting. So I’d say that a lot depends upon where the person is looking instead of at you! I study another language on Zoom and I find myself looking away from my instructor’s face when I’m struggling to think of a word.

I grew up with squint eyes. Although corrections were done in the form of eye patches and glasses, my eyes still do not function as you would like. Although I think I am looking you straight in the eyes, but my eyes are looking somewhere voer your shoulder and my head is facing you. Please do not judge me because of that. I have suffered all my life, especially in my childhood, teased, people taking my glasses away, called names like "four eyes". You would have no idea what it was like. Nowadays many children wear glasses, but way back then I was the only child with glasses, and the target for bullies.

Thank you OP that was very interesting.. the class thing I think the so called working class were often irritated by the falseness of polite conversation and would incline to be more blunt but basically if someone is charming which usually involves smiling and encouragement they will butter more parsnips.

It does not mean very much. I wouldn't worry about it.

Kartush, it’s very different to stare at someone. We’re talking about looking them in the eyes. Very different to a stare.
If a person has not been raised to look in the eyes, it must be difficult.

A friend's husband always spoke to the top of my right ear - it was annoying because it felt disrespectful (my stuff), but I've no idea why he did it (his stuff).

There is no reason for it to be difficult these days.
We should all be aware that we don't all behave in the same way, and the myriad reasons why that might be.

I try to avoid making eye contact unless it’s unavoidable.

I find too much eye contact disconcerting. My autistic son appears to have good eye contact but in reality he either looks past someone’s face or stares them out meaning that the other person looks away before he does. I tend to look at people’s mouths rather than their eyes as l am hard of hearing and lip read. It gives the appearance of eye contact, though.

Imagine putting us all in a room together.

How do you raise a child to look someone in the eye *lovely
Ady* I never told my children how to look at people

lovelylady sorry auto correct always thinks it knows best