Virtual cruise Lyon to Avignon and Arles

Ah, yes! Another exquisite work from the chisel of Hippo. The Death of Achilles caste in bronze.

His death at the hands of Paris might have been averted had his errant mother Thetis thought to turn him back up the right way and dunk his foot in the Styx as well as the rest of his body. She was probably giggling with her besties at the time or reading a Jilly Collins novel.

Again, I hope at least some of you have read the History of the Trojan Wars I left on your bedside cabinets.

Thetis dipping Achilles into Styx, by Antoine Borel Rogat.

Jokes about Rogat the cabin boy to follow ...

Yes, I remember seeing it on her FB page, got a lot of likes but nobody noticed the babby was the wrong way up ??

Next time round, I’m getting a gig with Hurtigruten and that nice Joanna Lumley

Oh do shut up …I’m the only person I know who hasn’t been on the Hurtigruten.?

Sorry bad mood. Neighbours off to Wimbledon. Friends off to Croatia. Brother off to goodness how many holidays. Lucca ? Clinics, hospitals….. my mental equilibrium has deserted me. Va fan culo cancro.

?‍♀️Thank you for waiting for me!
Had a lovely tour with our médiatrice culturelle.
We were able to immerse in the ambience of learning and art appreciation - and a pleasure not to have to go round with those who snigger at discuss at length the merits, or otherwise, of men's bits.

Make sure we don't go without Doodle.
I left doing her 'pensive' bit, I think she wanted to be sketched too.

Lucca

*Next time round, I’m getting a gig with Hurtigruten and that nice Joanna Lumley*

Oh do shut up …I’m the only person I know who hasn’t been on the Hurtigruten.?

Sorry bad mood. Neighbours off to Wimbledon. Friends off to Croatia. Brother off to goodness how many holidays. Lucca ? Clinics, hospitals….. my mental equilibrium has deserted me. Va fan culo cancro.

Stick with us for a bit, luv.
We have all the skills to keep you entertained ad naus, coupled an in-depth knowledge of all the locations we pitch up at.

Self-reporting grammar alert -
Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.

I didn't need to look your last sentence up Lucca, it's close to the French anyway.
So sorry, there's nothing we can do to achieve that, but glad that you're travelling with us. Xx

{{Hugs}} Lucca
Wimbledon might be rained off or the Rail Strike put the kybosh on everybody’s plans.
Aren’t I an evil witch, ? but I have felt that way on more than one occasion. Better people than I mean it when they say “Have a lovely time” but it’s bloody hard.
PS my Italian is coming on by leaps and bounds
Is that another piece by Vivaldi?

Our guest this evening will be Mary Beardy. (This is what happens when you go on an extended tour and forget to pack the Veet.)

Mary will host a discussion based on her latest book SPQR and other words not allowed in Scrabble. She will focus on the extent to which this ancient Roman board game has influenced modern day warfare in the living rooms of Britain and France.

Amendment: At 13:00 hours, we were boarded by pirates from the Viking cruise ship Pedants’ Corner. Captain Pugwash and Roger were nowhere to be seen to repel the invaders. Nor was Brünnhilde, last seen making off with a large bronze statue from the Musée Granet. Fear not. The pirates have assured us they only wish to take part in tonight’s event as they enjoy a good argy over words and will leave immediately afterwards.

Expect polarized opinions and robust debate. Swearing in either language is allowed but only if ratified by the Oxford English Dictionary or la Dictionnaire de l'Académie française.

Home team tactics: Use Americanisms wherever possible. This is known to destabilize the opposition. You are also allowed to weaponize The Complete Works of Shakespeare which I left in your rooms earlier. Please apply as many slings and arrows of outrageous fortune as possible as you go unto the breach.

Note: Either team attempting to sneak in Susie Dent as a ringer will be disqualified immediately.

Anne Robinson is barred, obviously.

As always, orderly queue for 18:00. Scorecards and sharp pencils will be distributed at the door.

Will the Vikings be using Scandish words?
If so I’d better mug up on my Bergen/Killing/Bridge subtitles. And also how to do silly little lines through vowels and random squiggles like õ and o and å and ū or r with a v on top of it.
Please miss, my brain hurts already

Not even Bergen - BORGEN ?

Bergen…..we’re in Norway. ? How did that happen?

Ixion sorry I thought we were in a sauna. ?. I’ll get dressed and be back on board toot sweet.

Please miss, my brain hurts already.
I'm out of my depth here too, slowly sinking. But bring on the challenge. Will my nightie look the part of Freya?

Joseanne

^Please miss, my brain hurts already.^
I'm out of my depth here too, slowly sinking. But bring on the challenge. Will my nightie look the part of Freya?

Woman overboard dressed only in her nightie
Throw her a life belt someone!
She says her name is Freya

Where's the RNLI when you need them?

No worries. I've sorted out a direct line to these SNSM hunky guys.

Well, I always recommend these when near open water.
Was she not wearing on??

-one

Ice cream, anyone?

ixion

Well, I always recommend these when near open water.
Was she not wearing on??

Are those noodles or sausages strapped on them?
That reminds me, back to basics, what are we eating for dinner tonight?

I think it looks like some weird bondage gear (well I would, wouldn’t I?)

MawtheMerrier

{{Hugs}} Lucca
Wimbledon might be rained off or the Rail Strike put the kybosh on everybody’s plans.
Aren’t I an evil witch, ? but I have felt that way on more than one occasion. Better people than I mean it when they say “Have a lovely time” but it’s bloody hard.
PS my Italian is coming on by leaps and bounds
Is that another piece by Vivaldi?

Yes to be played irato con fuoco e feroce !

I’m having croquettes de poisson et petits pois avec courgettes et carottes à la façon surprise.

Anyone got any good mistranslations of menus. I remember one for Coq au vin du chef….. the chefs own cock in wine.

(Interesting predictive text for carottes…. Carothers!! I say Carothers have you seen that boat full of rather topping women having a snifter on the aft deck?)

Just wondering what the façon surprise might be?
Custard?

Just means I haven’t decided boil steam roast grate…..

So shall we drift lazily along the Mediterranean coast, pop in on BB in St Tropez then risk a few bob in the Casinos of Monte Carlo?
m.youtube.com/watch?v=uzXv_N0GUdk