My husband

What was his opinion on them moving in?

You blame him because "he's the one that agreed to let my daughter and her kids move in". Who was the person who asked him for him to make the error of agreeing? What did he think he was agreeing to?

How long was the arrangement supposed to be for and how long have they been with you? You say "during the summer time" you keep them outdoors so I'm assuming that they have been with you for a year or more?

Five extra people is a lot - and 4 of those are children who can be hard work. Is your daughter working outside the home? Are you mainly responsible for child care during the day?

What are her plans for the future? I think I'd want a proper conversation about this in a supportive but open way and then together I would want to try to form a strategy. Is her ex-husband supportive in any way and if so can they stay with him part time?

Meanwhile, is there a park nearby that you and/or your daughter can use for a chunk of noisy outside time to give your husband a break each day?

I deduce that your husband is not your daughter's father.

The problem here is, as others have stated, you seem to have gone into this arrangement with out any thought or consideration about the whole arrangement.

It feels great when you open your arms and tell your daughter that she and the grandchildren will always have a home with you, but if you have a small yard, you probably have a small house as well and I can well understand that your DH has been driven to screaming point with all the noise and clutter in the house. One moment there was just the two of you, leading a quiet life, then of a day there are 7 of you living in a cramped space, 4 of you under eight.

All you can do now, is sit down with your DH and your daughter and discuss this issue. You do not say how long your daughter or family have been with you. I suggest that there is no reason why the family should stay more than six months. They should be able to find themselves suitable accommodation in that time.

If you were seriously expecting your daughter and children to stay indefinitely, I am entirely on your DH's side. I would be out the door and living alone before I had a nervous breakdown.

We have our daughter and three children living here, we have plenty of space, but nevertheless, I do miss the peace and quiet.
It’s tricky, because like you, I want the children to be happy and know this is their home, but I find myself constantly nagging about untidiness, jumping on furniture, that type of thing.
Sorry I don’t really have any answers, my husband is fairly easy going, but he does tend to shut himself in another room, so he’s not very hands on.
Do they have a dad they can go to a couple of nights a week, that can make a big difference.

I think this is a hard one because of course you want to help your daughter and grandkids we all would surely
There are so many unknowns in the story
You say he suggested they move in Is he their father/grandfather?
You say you have little space …at those ages they need space so it will need someone to take them out to parks, fields, beach whatever you ve got nearby EVERY day and if the weathers bad supervise and play with them indoors
You say there’s nothing for them to do Go to the thrift/ charity shop and buy a bagful of toys they are cheap as chips, balls games, crayons, paints, skipping ropes whatever
You cannot have 4 young children and nothing to do

What are your daughters long term plans ?
Aren’t at least 3 of the children at school or nursery ?
Who works daughter? Husband? You?
If she’s divorced did she get a settlement can’t she rent a house perhaps with your help
4 young children and nothing to do is going to cause a lot of problems get your heads together Take it in turns to take them out if you’re all around all day
Sounds a nightmare

I agree with other posters, how long is this arrangement supposed to go on? And surely your daughter can take them out to the park more now that it is summer?
An extra four people in the house makes a big difference to your life, I'm not surprised your husband has had enough.
I suggest that your daughter approaches the local authority if she is genuinely homeless.

Blimey, I've just realised it is an extra five people. This cannot go on.

What about restricting the children's loud times a little?

Start teaching the grandchildren that they can be as noisy as they like outside in the mornings, but that grandpa takes a rest in the afternoon, and they have to be quiet then.

My sister and I were checked for playing loudly at their ages when our grandparents were visiting us.

Your husband had obviously forgotten how noisy children can be, but it sounds as if the poor man is worn out right now, and obviously getting no sympathy from you.

It is not cruelty to teach children some manners, even although a lot of parents and grandparents these days seem to think so. Sounds to me as if you and perhaps your daughter are in this camp.

Family conference is called for, setting some boundaries and making life livable for you all.

I’m guessing not his blood family, well for me it’s easy I’d say what do you want me to do put them on the streets kids are kids and will play you can’t expect them just to sit there doing nothing. Should be enjoying them while they are with you. Daughter will find somewhere. Right now she needs you and kids have lost their home and daddy. Buy him some headphones lol

It's hard on all of you isn't it, including your DH. It's not going to do your marriage any good. I would suggest you speak to your daughter about moving out and finding somewhere of their own to live. Or maybe you and dh could move out temporarily instead, as it's not going to be easy to re-home a mother and 4 kids. I'm sorry for your dh,

When my husband's daughter, spouse and daughter moved in with us, I was highly supportive. We'd done it for his son's family which had worked well for 6 months before it was obvious it had run its course. After 3 weeks, I realised I had made a big mistake. My SIL had PTSD so was on continual high alert, had been used to the military doing everything for him so was floundering and he did not seem to be able to respect our space or property. We helped them find somewhere to rent and I helped him get help to work on his PTSD. Nobody fell out over it.
It will probably be difficult for your husband to tell you that he has made a mistake. He thought he could cope with noisy children and a crowded space but he can't. This will be even harder if they aren't his blood relatives. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be for your husband to cope and that will impact on your relationship which should surely make you realise that it is not healthy for anybody.
Can you help your daughter rent somewhere near you so you can be supportive but not under each others feet? Is it asking you to choose between him and your daughter? To me he is showing you that he is finding it hard. Most marriages get to a point where you expect to be able to spend your retirement with a little peace and quiet. I think you can be kind to your child and your husband by helping her to be independent again whilst your husband gets some peace. Your needs to help your daughter and have a happier home life can be met in this way too.

I’m trying to put myself in your position Judy, that’s such a huge ask four very young children and a daughter, surely you both must have looked at the bigger picture here, children are going to be loud, while I can understand he would like some peace sometimes as I’m sure you would too, it sounds incredibly hard, hoping that your daughter can find somewhere soon to live as much as I love my daughter and grandchildren and we would do everything to help them I would need to know how long the arrangement was likely to go on,

It’s not easy to turn family away.
My daughter was in a bad relationship, nothing cruel or violent, but it was dragging her down, and she was unhappy.
My husband and I have had a couple of steaming rows over the last three years, mainly instigated by me, because I feel that it affects me far more than it affects him. But on the whole we’ve just got on with it.

I know this will cause offence to some and I admit being naive on divorce etc matters. Why has your DD with 4 children left her home? Should your DDs husband not have moved out leaving the home for wife and children. Seems an awful lot to accommodate, 4 very young children with as you say limited facilities for them. I can understand your DH reacting the way he has, his life has been turned upside down. Is there a plan for your DD to move on, this should give your DH some relief knowing there will be an end to the situation. What would your DD have done if you hadn't been able to step up for her. Once again I admit I am totally ignorant on divorce rights

I’d get mad if I had a gaggle of young kids, grandchildren or not, around for 24 hours a day. Surely your daughter must be aware of the effects, perhaps it’s time to help her move on

Strict ground rules and teach them to be tidy. When my FIL came to live with us, his needs came first, and the children (similar ages) were quiet and polite. They watched TV upstairs so he could watch his in peace. After a while, we turned the dining room into his sitting room, which helped give everyone a bit of separate space. It's a good lesson to teach children to be considerate even at a young age. Rewards and sanctions could be used. Perhaps they could get to know granddad a bit better somehow, make him some drawings or ask him about his past. My 3 year old grandchild does this and it's lovely when they are really interested. Perhaps he could play some simple games with them or watch a film together. But yes, challenging situation though probably won't be forever.

I think you need to have a very honest conversation about how long this arrangement is going to continue. Divorce or not, your daughter needs to get a proper home for her and her children sorted out.

to have your daughter and 4 children move in is a step too far in my opinion!

She needs help (the daughter ) sit down and work
Out something together x

Is your husband there all the time? Doesn't he have hobbies that take him out of the house?
He allowed them to move in, so I'd be asking him what he expected and what he thinks should be done?
Two of the children will be at school during the week (until later this month) so it's only the little ones at home, aren't there any mother & toddler groups nearby your daughter could join, to help lessen the stress?
I think your husband probably thought children are seen but not heard, like when he was little!
Could you take him away for a few days, a nice little surprise for him maybe?

It is hard when your children need your help, and difficult to say no. But it should be equally hard to put your husband second. And it sounds grossly unfair to blame him for a situation not of his making.

Is your husband used to having children around? It sounds like your family isn't his family. I've had people staying now for about four months and although I am fond of them and we have got used to each other I still miss my peaceful home where I could do what I liked when I liked. My visitors had a small children's party recently and MrA and I went out and left them to it because the constant shrieking hurts my ears and makes me jumpy. Do you have a park nearby where the children can play sometimes (with an adult in attendance maybe)?

Don’t know what others have suggested.
Other grandparents having them for week or weekend breaks.
Holidays all at different times.
School hols - activities for the older children.
Dad perhaps having them some weekends.
Grandparents having weekend breaks to see friends overnight.
Good luck

It sounds like all your husband wants is a bit of peace and quiet from time to time which is difficult with limited space and young children. Perhaps their mother could engage with them more and explain that there needs to be quiet times. Also days away, evenings out for the two of you to let you have space together as a couple rather than as parents/grandparents. it needs sorting out sooner rather than later. Can't the other grandparents/family help out?

It is tough, I mainly miss my quiet evenings, I work all day, and often come home to chaos.
There are many problems, but I want the children to be happy and secure, I would hate for them to think we found them a burden.