Friend wants to go out. We're both on pensions.

Can you just be honest and say that whilst you're comfortable you have to live within a budget and that means that outings are a treat rather than a daily thing. I'm sure as a friend she'll understand, especially given the extra costs we'll all be facing in the coming year.

Tell her straight maybe you can both pick outings that are suitable and affordable for you. You don’t have to give her every detail of your income if she is a friend she will understand. While the weather is ok a walk-in the park coffee and cake is not too costly. If you have a bus pass you could go on day trips and take a little packed lunch.

If she's a real friend then surely you can explain that you're not in the same comfortable financial position as her. I'm sure she'd understand. You could either do less expensive outings for a while and save up for a bigger do?

I meant to say that I am so sorry for your loss. It must have been a hard few months for you. I hope you can enjoy a few trips and outings with your friend.

It’s your company she wants. Just tell her. It’s tons better than you just turning her down and her thinking you don’t want to meet up.

And then do a bit of research. There’s so much out there for free. Concerts, exhibitions, talks, walks.

Not to mention exploring with the bus pass. Just hop on and see where it takes you,

If that’s not her style then just say sorry, I don’t have the funds at the moment.

I can only echo what earlier posters have said. A lot of simple pleasures are free or for the cost of a coffee. Your friend doesn’t need to know the nitty gritty of your finances, but you could open a chat by saying you’re not going to be as well off as you anticipated after your OH died, so you’ll have to be careful with your spending. However, you say you’re OK with savings?
I can emphasize with that, as my DH died last year. I don’t know how old you are - but life is (far) too short and there are no pockets in shrouds, as my ACs keep reminding me!

Obviously - I meant to say sorry for your loss. These are early days for you. Financially, other than my DWP, I got nothing from DH’s pensions for months, then an enormous amount, paid in error, which his pension fund and HMRC then wanted back months later! It wasn’t easy.

Lathyrus is right I think. There are free and interesting things that you can do, it just takes a bit of research. I have a friend who I met at playschool over 45 years ago! We meet every week, one week she comes to me for coffee and cake, the second week I go to her for the same, the third week we drive somewhere, have a nice light lunch, go for a walk or visit something going on locally. You don't have to spend a fortune, it's your friendship together that counts. If she is a good friend she will understand.

I am in a similar position at the moment - not having realised the ins and outs of the state pension. My other half passed away 2 months ago and it is now dawning on me that my financial situation is not great.
We were both self employed for most of our working life in the hospitality industry. Our national insurance contributions were fully paid up on the few times we were working for companies but we were paying class 4 NI when self employed. I had no idea that this didn't allow for a state pension. We did have a small state pension and could pootle along quite well but when hubby died and I was widowed my small pension of £74 per week was increased to £98.
I am ashamed at my ignorance of these facts. I have no idea how I would have managed if my parents hadn't left me a tidy sum. I can see this dwindling fast with all the hefty bills this winter.
I have a friend who has a flat in Spain and dread her asking me to go with her. She is very comfortably off and I get the feeling that she eats out for the majority of her meals - it would certainly prove too expensive for me.

gangy5 You may be entitled to Pension Credit, that could increase your income substantially, although that may be reduced if your savings are too high.

Why not either visit the Age UK website www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/benefits-entitlements/benefits-calculator/ or give them a call - the number is on this sight as well or call in at your local Age UK office, the address will be online.

Honestly if you are "OK where savings are concerned" I would use some of that money to enjoy yourself. You will only be around so long and what happens to the money then?

Carpe Diem and all that!

I see this from the other side.
As my H was prudent and had arranged for a decent pension for me after his death and our savings I am not well off but very comfortable.
I have a friend not in the same situation.
We meet up regularly and have a takeaway or just a glass (or two) of wine.
We go to garden centres for coffee.
Going away together will not be an issue as her family take her on a couple of holidays each year and we have totally different ideas about how that should be spent.
It works absolutely fine for us.
Be honest with your friend as mine was with me and do things to suit her budget but which you will enjoy.

I have a friend whose husband is still working. They moved here because of his job and don't know many people yet. She keeps busy everyday with some free activity, concerts,museums,lectures and even manages to find vouchers for free coffee etc.

A friend of mine, now in a care home with dementia, retired very early but did not have much of a pension. For many years before she had gone on expensive x2 yearly holidays with another friend who is very comfortably off so that slowly she started to take equity from her house to keep up.

It has worked out okay for her but it could easily have backfired.

I have three very close friends and we meet at least twice a month...In summer we take a picnic to the park...Otherwise we go to our local Weatherspoons and have a light lunch and unlimited tea and coffee....We go away for a long weekend at Christmas for which we save all year...Maybe explain your situation to your friend LINDYLOU23 and still meet up but do things that are not as expensive....Hope you get a solution as good friends are so precious...

The majority of my friends have more disposable income than is available to me. Holidays haven’t been an issue other than taking a widowed friend one year. We said never again, a wealthy woman she rarely paid for anything from a coffee to a full meal. With other friends we meet for a coffee, a light garden centre lunch, a walk around a shopping centre or a lake, take turns to host in our homes, that sort of thing. They all understand their disposable income is greater than mine and truly don’t expect we do anything too costly, we just need space to chat. Perhaps time for a light hearted conversation with your friend Lindy. Or simply the next time she suggests something out of your budget just say it’s not possible and suggest an alternative. If you offer to spend time with her in other ways, assuming you want to, I’m sure she’ll be fine about it.

LindyLou you're in a very similar financial position to me I think and, like you, one of my close friends is very comfortably provided for and doesn't have to think before she spends any money. When she suggests doing something that's just not financially possible for me, I'm absolutely honest with her and say that, much as it sounds like a lovely idea, I just can't afford to do it. Over time, the more "financially extravagant" suggestions have been replaced with something we can both afford and enjoy.

I have known people that will speak openly about their sex life but not about their financial situation.

Just tell her your situation, if she wants more expensive outings they can be done with other people.

I know the feeling. My friend likes going our for lunch. This was fine when it was for birthdays or special occasions but she's keen to extend the arrangement for every other week. I',m going to have to bite the bullet and tell her I don't have £15 - £20 to spare every fortnight.
I've tried suggesting a cup of coffee but she hasn't understood and always says we should have a meal instead.
I think she'll feel every bit as embarrassed as I will when we finally have the conversation.

I agree that Wetherspoons is great. Last week in our local one we had lunch. DH had a mixed grill - a small piece of steak, piece of lamb, piece of pork, sausage, chips, fried egg and beans. I had a panini and chips. We had a large glass of wine and a pint of beer. £14.50 the lot.

Sending condolences LindyLou23 ? I have been widowed for a year & seem to have spent quite a-lot of money going out and about. Ive had trips to the cinema, theatre, a spa weekend & lunches & coffee out. I have also joined a weekly craft group that costs me £10 per week but that includes coffee, cakes & any materials, it’s a lovely little group & well worth it. I agree it does get expensive though but they are long lonely days if you are stuck in the house. It’s getting the balance right and when people invite you out it’s good to get out. As Luckygirl3 says don’t feel bad if you have to dip into your savings, we have to try & enjoy life as much as possible, life is short & that’s what savings are for.

A group of my friends (including me) take it in turns to host a coffee afternoon once a month in our own homes, we just do a few scones, cakes etc which doesn’t cost much and it keeps us all in touch, maybe you could suggest that. Things will probably drop off a bit during the Autumn & winter as people tend not to go out so much, plus they’ll have all the horrendous fuel bills to pay. We need to make the most of the summer days and get out while we can, even just a local walk or a picnic which costs nothing is good.

Sorry to hear of your loss so recently. Maybe say to your friend that
“you need to go steady for a while as your financial position is not settled yet.”
Say you value her friendship but need to restrict spending for now- maybe one lunch out a week, and one cinema or theatre trip a month? You can also go for coffee/tea/ walks & some free activities too.
Do look at your savings and see if you can use some of these for yourself?
As others have said- you can’t take it with you!

RichmondPark1

Can you just be honest and say that whilst you're comfortable you have to live within a budget and that means that outings are a treat rather than a daily thing. I'm sure as a friend she'll understand, especially given the extra costs we'll all be facing in the coming year.

I am sorry for your loss.

I agree with Richmond, just explain. Then research, make suggestions for outings that you can afford

Lindy, please bite the bullet and make yourself tell your friend that you are not "as financially comfortable" as you'd like to be. This is certainly true.

If she is the sort of person who wants "details" say something like "It was a bit of a shock and I don’t feel ready to talk about it yet". Practice saying what you think is appropriate and the very next time an outing is suggested please try hard to say it. Once you have said it I think it will be easier all round.

As others have said, why not have an (inexpensive) outing in mind so if something pricey is suggested you can put forwardyour idea instead.

There are still a few "open gardens" for example and they are a bit different and not expensive.

ngs.org.uk/find-a-garden/?postcode=Lincolnshire&from_date=&to_date=&date=next_7_days&gardenPage=1&opening_type=normal&distance=25

Please save yourself the worry, speak out as soon as you can. And yes, use a little of your savings now and again. You have only recently lost your dear husband and if you can, I think you should try to get out and about a little.
Good luck