Saying thank you

I have two lovely grandsons, I used to get thank you notes when they were about 5!! Since then they have dried up, I might get a text if I'm lucky. It's a bit old fashioned now I suppose but my mother used to make me write thank you letters the same day as I received the present! I don't think parents these days place as much importance on good manners; mobile phones have changed everything and not for the better.

Oh dear, this really makes me feel my age!

I was taught as a little girl that you sent people birthday or Christmas cards, and grown-ups sent letters of condolence to a family when someone had died, and of congratulation when people got engaged, married, or had a baby basically for the same reason as you gave presents.

In order, that is, to make the recipient feel happy and loved, or at least well-liked.

Nowadays, people who send cards or give presents sound as if they do so solely in order to be thanked!

You are welcome to call me a crabbit auld wife if plain speaking annoys you.

I have no problem with plain speaking at all, in fact I prefer it so I'm sure you will take on board my comment that I do not give presents or cards in order to be thanked. I'm not that sad, I merely expect basic good manners, something sadly lacking in all areas of life.

I was always brought up to write thank you letters for presents given to me for birthdays and at Christmas. However the trend these days for adults to just transfer money into the recipients bank account has I think changed the whole feeling of receiving a present. It just doesn't feel the same as opening a parcel and I can't help thinking that it has a lot to do with the lack of thanks. I'm not condoning it just saying.

Any sort of "thanks" is gratefully received!! Unfortunately Young's nowadays are an entitled lot and don't see why they should"grateful" for anything....because according to them! "They're worth it!" And they "deserve" everything even though we all have tights older than the lot of them and we still say thanks!!!

I wouldn't expect a thank you for a card, but I think it's nice to acknowledge a present. My friend's daughter had a baby boy and I took his present to their home and the daughter didn't even say thank you when I handed her the gift bag. I never received a thank you card, but didn't expect one when she couldn't even verbally say the words. I thought it was so rude.

Mattsmum2
I had only commented today about this. DS & family have just returned to UK after 3 years abroad. I left a “Welcome home” card at the house just before their arrival a week ago. Despite seeing them, even mentioning “did you get the car documents ok?” nothing has been said. Even hand delivered a Wedding Anniversary card to DIL this morning, still nothing! It does make me feel unappreciated. DS knows I always make these special gestures so more disappointing. A verbal acknowledgment is all I needed!

I still send cards. I buy all mine in September to cover every birthday, anniversary or other occasion through the following 12 months. I like to order personalised cards for our grandchildren or milestone birthdays etc. I keep them in a box in date order and labelled with the recipients name. I very rarely miss an occasion.

I don't really expect thanks for a card, but I do expect (and usually get) a thank you for gifts, usually a phone call, text or email. That's fine with me.

When DH died in January the cards and letters I received were an enormous help but I didn’t feel I had to write to thank everyone - I had more than enough admin to deal with. I am however still thanking people when I see them even this long afterwards.

Alioop
If I gave someone a gift in person and they didn't say 'thank you' I'd probably comment on it. I have in the past. There's no excuse when you're right there in their presence! It's very rude and bad manners.

I like to receive and send cards. You can buy 5 cards for £1 in town.

Does DD2 get half birthday presents on DD1 birthday as well.

My daughters send thank you letters after birthdays, Christmas and on other occasions and so do the granddaughters (aged 11 and 21) even to us and the other grandparents. They were brought up to do this as soon as they could write. A schoolfriend and I each treated each other recently and we both wrote thank you letters to each other. I've always sent thank you letters, even to those who never thank me in writing. These are thank you letters for presents - I wouldn't think of writing to thank someone for a birthday or Christmas card.

We have 2 nieces with children. When we send Birthday/Christmas or Easter money from niece one or her children we receive a card (hand written by them, or their children, as appropriate). Niece 2 never responds and neither do her children. However both nieces live in East Anglia and drive within 3 miles of us to visit relatives just down the road from us in Cornwall...and never visit. As we live with their Grandfather/Great Grandfather he has stated that this has affected who he has gifted what in his will. It is their choice, but he says if they appeared at his door - he wouldn't know who any of them where, which I find incredibly sad.

I usually try to thank whoever has sent me a card usually by text unless I am going to see them in the next few days.

A GS has a birthday at Christmas so when he was little we celebrated half way through the year, but he didn't get a X.5 birthday card

Years old I would imagine. When I was young, that half was very important yo me.

Nantotwo

Years old I would imagine. When I was young, that half was very important yo me.

*to

I don’t expect anyone to say thank you for a card - unless there’s some kind of gift enclosed. Even then no one seems to bother anymore!

Gabrielle56

Any sort of "thanks" is gratefully received!! Unfortunately Young's nowadays are an entitled lot and don't see why they should"grateful" for anything....because according to them! "They're worth it!" And they "deserve" everything even though we all have tights older than the lot of them and we still say thanks!!!

My grandchildren all thank me for gifts. Some by text messages and two of them, aged 17 and 13 always write thank you notelets.
Two granddaughters who live and work in London came by train to see me on Wednesday evening. They arrived in Oxford at 5.35pm we had a meal in a restaurant, then they caught the 8.37pm train back to London. They just wanted to see me and tell me about their lives. Non of my grandchildren see themselves as 'entitled'. They study hard and the older ones now work hard. All very thoughtful, caring young people.

Treetops, so why do you send money to the second group.
it obviously bothers you that they don't acknowledge the gift, so why go on doing it.
why send money to any of them.
they are not your direct descendants; and even then...

A text or phone call on the day is more meaningful than a late card that was an afterthought. I’m beginning to come round to the idea of ditching cards, as I have been late with cards, sometimes life gets in the way.

Actually, I have realised that I do, on occasion, thank people for cards, but usually only when there is another reason as well. It is my birthday today, about. I reeived half a dozen cards by post, and I have acknowledged one with an email, I needed to email that person anyway and the other, because it reminded me that I hadn't been in touch with the card giver for a while and rang up and we had a chat.

Happy birthday, M0nica!

A good thing about cards is that, as you describe, they facilitate keeping in touch. So do texts or emails of course, and I think that they will take over, as there is less obligation all round.

Happy Birthday, M0nica.