Shysal, I am amused by your post, as if you were me (called 'ockard' until the word dyspraxia was discovered) you would know that's not a solution! I would soak through say, an old t-shirt in a few minutes.
I am completely astonished by people who can cook and clean without getting themselves in a mess. I watch excellent cooks do things like fry fish and make sauces, without getting a spot on their nice aprons or clothes!
I wear what I call a 'florists' apron' but when I googled, I couldn't come up with a decent picture. It is a hybrid of the crossover aprons / housecoats described by Jane 43 and a good big apron. I make my own from an old, home-made pattern. It has wide straps that cross over, and covers sides as well as front.
I manage to drop and splash stuff down it whatever I am doing in the kitchen. I always have a clean one on hand for when folk arrive, or I have managed to soak the one I am wearing. If I am going to visit anywhere where I might help in the kitchen, I take a clean one.
I hate being so clumsy (I trip over a lot as well) but over the years have got used to it, and would rather be the clumsy cook in the big apron than not cook (and actually, I'm not a bad cook either!). Over the years I have realised that people who are well, or even averagely co-ordinated really don't 'get' how it feels. In my walking days, I would come back spattered with mud, and look at companions' clean trousers with wonder. My physio niece pointed out how I 'thumped' my feet down because I didn't have the co-ordination to walk smoothly.